How do I not have the biggest ever fall out with my cousin

[thetallfairy]

Hello all

I'm in such a pickle

D dad passed away a few years ago

We inherited his 100 acre farm
Cows and lots of sheds

My two sisters and I are clueless
Never had money
We know nothing about what to do really

So I asked my cousin if he was interested in some land
This land is in a great area good quality
I got it valued
He offered half the price it was valued at
Didn't want a fight I said ok if that's all you have

He came to me a few months later with 1/3 of the price he offered
Paltry amount

This was 18 months ago
Since then he has been making changes to this area of land
It's obv not his
So I messaged him
Told him the final amount is now due

Nada

No word
No mention

Wtaf

So
I am trying to muster the courage to hand the money back and say we have now changed our minds

My sis thinks I'm over reacting

I think he's a cheeky so and so

But we all have n bloody clue

She thinks there will be a huge row now

Aghhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhh

They think I should probably wait a bit longer to see what he does??

Wtaf

The longer we leave it the worst it will get

Sounds like they are even more worried than you about the fallout and prefer to stick their heads in the sand. But it’s clear he will only get worse. And I don’t know laws where you are but in England there are laws around adverse possession (not a lawyer, don’t know the details!!) but I think it involves having rights to possess land if you’ve had uncontested use of it for many years (think maybe 12, hopefully someone more informed than me can clarify). So if there is anything like that, leaving it could make things worse. Sorry, not trying to panic you, just reassure you that you are definitely right to take action.

Thank you !!!

And yes you are so right

I think there is a fear that there will be a huge fall out

They have asked me to cancel appointments to chat with solicitors

They want to all sit down and discuss best way forward

He’s in breach of contract if he has taken possession of the land without paying the agreed sum. Go to a solicitor and ideally aim for a friendly settlement out of court. Either he receives his deposit back and you receive the land to sell on the open market, or he rents the land, or he buys part of the land that he can afford… And get it valued properly.

Please tell us who is looking after the cows?

@thetallfairyI’m not from a farming background directly but have grown up in a rural area in NI and bluntly I’ve never met a generous farmer when it comes to land, livestock or money. I’m sorry your decency has been abused but you really do need to get legal advice and to hell with the fallout. He’s not going to pay you any more unless under duress and even then he’ll hunker down and drag it out. I think you definitely need legal advice on this and it would absolutely be worth finding someone with the relevant legal background and expertise. Good luck!

OP PLEASE take legal advice for your peace of mind and keep us updated, it’s so obvious that all the posters are on your side and are trying to help YOU.

LET THERE BE A BIG FALLING OUT!

he’s conning you and your family and if he’s so worried about his image, he’ll either pay what is owed or realise that he’s blown it.

you’ve been kind and generous enough but he’s basically banking on the fact that you don’t have any balls to confront him.

hes stealing money from you and your family

you need to tell him to vacate the land, ideally secure it and use the money he’s paid to reinstate the hedges and repair the damage to your land.

OP, do not cancel your solicitor appointment.

Knowledge is power. Knowledge is security. Why do they fear what a solicitor might tell you? I wonder…,

It is none of their business whether you seek advice from a solicitor. It is your decision.

If I was seeking to buy land from a relative I would say ‘obviously we need to get it proper valued and seek our own independent advice’’

Because an unfair deal is a very fast way to fall out!

Your cousin doesn’t give a toss about falling out with you by swindling you!

Tell him you will cancel the solicitors appointment if the other 2/3 of the price he offered is in your bank account 48 hrs before.

You have all been so helpful

I can't thank you enough

He was given some of the livestock

That's a whole other sorry bloody story

Fools we are !!! Fools

Sadly you’ve been very trusting but also very stupid.

Is there a papertrail for the money?

Don't beat yourself up OP. You sound like a good person and he is the problem here. If there's a family fall out that's his fault not yours. I don't know the amounts but using the figures of the land being worth £60,000, he offered £30,000, then low balled you with £10,000 then only paid you £1,000 out of the £10,000 and explaining to the family he tried to get something worth £60k for £1k then that lays things bare for all to see.

@Neeroy , the land was not worth £60,000. I'd hazard a guess at the land and outbuildings being worth something like £1m,

Could you contact him and ask for the full payment minus ‘deposit’ he has paid so you can speak to the solicitor to get the land transferred to his name.
That just plays dumb to any fallout maybe?

@thetallfairy

If you are in UK transactions involving land must be in writing and - presumably - registered with the Land Registry.

Please get legal advice.

If he was given cattle , they have quite a high
Value currently, younger cattle of decent beef breeds high hundreds older cattle 1k plus each
Used machinery values have rocketed since the pandemic. If you wanted to retain ownership for future generations you could let it on a fixed term business tenancy. Involve a independent land agent who is not pally with your cousin. Be interesting to know more about the stock etc. Good luck

Definitely 100%! If there’s a fall out it’s down to him and not you

Hi @thetallfairy

You absolutely should have a massive falling out - the mother of God of all falling outs…..

Because a man is bullying you, stealing from you, trespassing on your property, ruining your hedges, breaching boundaries and helping himself to machinery, livestock and God knows what else.

Anyone who wants you to enable this is an abuser and you can tell them to feck off.

Unless you are absolutely hard as nails - this cousin will be at you all forever - taking what’s not his.

Hold your own, do not cancel an appointment with a solicitor. Why does he not want you to get legal advice - he wants to keep you weak and without protection. Protect whats yours.

What on EARTH!

How would your hardworking dad feel if he knew that within days of his death you were giving away the land for a pittance?

If you don't know what to do, you seek out professional advice. You don't let some opportunistic cheater get his paws on your inheritance.

Sorry for your loss but this is just so frustrating.

I don't understand. Why didn't you feel more territorial about safeguarding your father's legacy?

@thetallfairy could you let him have part of the land, to the value of what he’s prepared to pay? Like, say to him you’ve done the calculations based on land value being £x so he can have y amount of acreage, otherwise it’s all going up for sale.

Defo speak to a land agent and a rural affairs lawyer.

He may have got himself an agricultural tenancy here and you need to get this sorted asap.

Tell your solicitor what you've told us and do EVERYTHING through him / her. No other communication.

If it's possible to stop the sale, stop it. Sell the whole farm on the open market and split the money three ways. What your cousin thinks should not be any kind of factor. He literally tried to talk you out of doing this legally, FFS. What are you waiting for - "I am trying to rip you off!" written across his face in Sharpie? Wise up.