How do I not have the biggest ever fall out with my cousin

[thetallfairy]

Hello all

I'm in such a pickle

D dad passed away a few years ago

We inherited his 100 acre farm
Cows and lots of sheds

My two sisters and I are clueless
Never had money
We know nothing about what to do really

So I asked my cousin if he was interested in some land
This land is in a great area good quality
I got it valued
He offered half the price it was valued at
Didn't want a fight I said ok if that's all you have

He came to me a few months later with 1/3 of the price he offered
Paltry amount

This was 18 months ago
Since then he has been making changes to this area of land
It's obv not his
So I messaged him
Told him the final amount is now due

Nada

No word
No mention

Wtaf

So
I am trying to muster the courage to hand the money back and say we have now changed our minds

My sis thinks I'm over reacting

I think he's a cheeky so and so

But we all have n bloody clue

She thinks there will be a huge row now

Aghhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhh

Do not cancel the appointment. Tell any family member that sure you will cancel after cousin turns up with all the money due for the full value, if whoever is talking to you can arrange that then of course you’ll cancel. And walk away. I wouldn’t pay for any work he’s done either ‘no I won’t be compensating you for that, a small fraction of the value of the land that you weren’t going to pay me, so I think its good life experience for you to not illegally try and steal things from family.’

What did the solicitor say yesterday?

Are you three very wealthy?

A fall out should be the least of your worries. And I’m sure he did tell you to keep solicitors out. I wonder why.

wtf?

no need to be dramatic about it all- what’s the damage done apart from the hedges being pulled out?
You go to him with the money and say “you’ve not paid the balance so here’s your money back. Land is no longer for sale.” If there’s a fall out, so what? Like really, so what….? Who in the family worth their salt is going to give a shit that the family bully is annoyed?
Flog it all to a property developer and give your kids the future they want, not the one that other people want for them.

Please tell me you got solicitors to deal with probate on your father's will?

There is no ‘sale’ that needs stopping, there is no implied contract here. He hasn’t paid her. There is only arranging to sell the property and getting the trespassers off.
op you should say ‘you will get the full amount of money you gave me back the day you’re off the property- you can’t expect to still be on my property, trespassing, and also get your money back. I’ve called the police and will be paying charges for trespassing.’

You need to put this in the hands of a solicitor. What a total shambles.

You probably know by now that you have been an idiot. Go immediately to a good solicitor who specialises in agricultural/land management disputes and who you can be assured has nothing to do with your cousin (that is important because of potential conflict of interest). Do not hand any money back or speak to your cousin until you have had objective advice. Your solicitor should also be able to determine who owns the land via the Land Registry. Get onto this now before you lose the whole thing by default or having done/said the wrong thing. Yes, you have been naive, but your cousin is a wanker and knew what they were doing.

Did you ever sign any kind of contract? If not then he has just given you money but you have not signed away your rights. At the land deed is it still in your name? Am guessing you are a people pleaser and perhaps had hard to please parents and you want to be liked. As others have said, make no contact with cousin. Find a good solicitor and let them handle it. Try legal aid society for some not exorbitant ones. But first question is is the land still yours.

You guys are bang on

Each and every one of you

And we have been so stupid the three of us

Now I'm the one trying to say fck you stop now

I did cancel the solicitor
My sisters said wait and see

I will get the money back to him and the sale is off

This wait and see approach is bull shit

He met us early in the pub and was actually really rude
Was about to avoid us until we called his name

I can't stand his presence so I left
Fcking little toad 🐸

He needs to get some manners

You've still not said what's happened to the cows....

I did cancel the solicitor

This is such an annoying thread. Honestly, I can’t even be sympathetic, at this point. Ffs.

I'm suddenly recalling The Clampetts for some reason.

I married to a farmer in NI, so I understand why your loyalty was to your cousin and your worry of his neighbouring land. Unless you're a culchie, its hard for anyone to understand your misplaced loyalty.
However, the three of you have been extremely foolish and shall I say, stupid.
Get legal advice and stop letting him take a hand out of you.

So the plan is now to give him back is money and tell him the sale’s off?

You know he’s not going to agree to that?

What are your sisters waiting for exactly?

I haven't read the whole thread so somebody has probably already said this.

Under English law the ownership of land can only be transferred by a written contract or deed. If it's not in writing there has been no sale.

As others have said, get back to your solicitor for advice.

Do it first thing Monday.

And don't worry about the family fall out - unless those family members are willing to pay the correct market value of the land, ignore them

He was given some of them

Another cousin took the rest and paid for them

Why on earth did you cancel the meeting with the solicitor?

He's taking you all for fools.

Its kinda making my blood boil reading your posts OP. You have a wonderful inheritance but keep sayng you and your sisters are clueless and stupid, and seem almost proud of it. You could have got proper legal advice but you CANCELLED the appt. with the solicitor! Listening to the solicitor would have made you less clueless!
What did you have to lose by gaining information?

As it is you seem to be willing to betray your father's (I am guessing) lifetime of work and investment put into the farm, for what? Why are you so reluctant to do the right thing? Instead you just come on here and whinge about how clueless you are. No sympathy from me.
Does your unwillingness and your sisters' unwillingness to face up to your cousin have something to do with feeling you need to appease men, particularly to do with farming and land? If that is the culture of your family, your cousin knows it, and is exploiting your strange passivity about your father's farm. Its almost as if he thinks he has a right to it by virtue of relationship with your father. You don't need to comply with his wishes. If you want some inspiration about a woman owning a farm, read Far From the Madding Crowd.

Put some big girl pants on for heavens sake, get the full legal information you need, and stop fannying about while your inheritance goes down the drain. You and your sisters deserve every bit of it, so fight to keep it, then decide what you want to do with it, its yours.

Do any land transfers by the book (yes you pay professional fees to do it properly which will protect you) with a legal contract and conveyance and using a professional valuation. You are adults, start behaving like adults.

Christ above. As soon as I read the title I guessed the geography.

You need to resist the family pressure to keep everything nice for fear of a falling out. He did this, it was his choice. If your father had wanted to leave it to him he would have.

Stop thinking of land as sacred and think about it as one of your key assets that your father intended to leave you, to look after you and your children, whether by farming it or selling it. He didn't intend for 'the land' to stay in 'the family' - you were his family!

Why should you gift your cousin tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds? Nobody would do this with houses or other properties - like, here you go, Cousin Greg, I've just sold my car, have half!

There are good reasons never to hire family, or recommend them for a job where you work, or try and do preferential deals of any kind. It will always, always bite you on the backside. People often assume you will not want to make a fuss if they pull a fast one, or think they don't have to impress their manager because they're riding on your reputation, or feel entitled somehow because your mother was horrible to their mother when they were five or whatever.

Or just because it's human nature sometimes to try and grab what you can for your own children if you're under financial pressure, and then cod yourself that it's what Great-Grandad would have wanted, never mind what Uncle Joe's will says.

And in more traditional families, there can be an assumption that women come second.

Keep strong boundaries between your economic life and your relationships with your extended family, and everything will be a lot happier.

As for your main question - if there's a row, it's because he tried to do you over. People trying to keep things quiet are enabling exploitation. Don't fall for it.

Really? What about proprietary estoppel and constructive trusts?

Is the OP worried about not being invited to family weddings or a bad atmosphere at funerals?

Well to be fair they are behaving like fools.

Also - stop expecting people to be noble and surprised if they're not. That's a martyrdom mindset.

Some people will do what they can get away with. Of course they should be thinking about the hereafter or Scouts' Honour or whatever moral code they were raised to - but if they don't, don't act surprised and look round waiting for the fates or divine justice or karma to solve it for you.