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Original poster

I hate the lifestyle that comes with having teens

259 replies

Secondtonaan · 23/10/2025 19:39

I have 2 DC, 12 and 14 and an totally run down and fed up.

When they were younger I worked part time, we had lovely times together in the park or reading, they went to bed at 7.30 and DH and I would have a glass of wine and watch a film or make nice food and chat. I always knew where they were or who they were with

Now I have to work FT because of CoL but also to pay for school ski trips and £70 hoodies. They hove around until at least 1030 (often having a crisis at 1029) by which time I'm collapsing in bed, their rooms are full of shit and crockery I have to sort out while washing their favourite Zara tee shirt. Weekends are spent driving them from party to sports events to friends houses. I am totally exhausted and do nothing except work and be a teen concierge.

The kids themselves are mostly wonderful, doing well at an excellent local school, nice friends. Usual ups and downs but we're very close. I just can't stand the lifestyle and don't get a minute to myself.

Not strong enough for AIBU but do you relate?

OP posts:
DingDongJingle · 23/10/2025 19:41

It’s just another phase in parenting I think. You have the exhausting newborn and toddler phase, then a period of relative calm, then the teen years hit and it’s a different kind of exhaustion. They’ll be adults soon and you’ll get your peace back!

Interpink · 23/10/2025 19:41

Yes. I hear you loud and clear.

Sagaciously · 23/10/2025 19:44

I can definitely relate to the losing your evening thing - that was a shock at first. Our teens would never slope off to their rooms, I was always either out or in my room as a teen.

But ours are early 20s now and I miss the teen years. We live in the arse end of nowhere, so we were always doing lifts - I don’t miss that. But on the whole, teens are great fun and great company (we were lucky ours were never stroppy).

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Families
BringBackCatsEyes · 23/10/2025 19:44

Nope. Didn’t pay for a single ski trip. I think between 2 boys we have one hoodie.
Their rooms do get untidy but they know to bring crockery down and if clothes aren’t in the basket they don’t get washed.

Yes to the driving around. We live rurally so it’s something I’ve had to suck up.

I am a lone parent and managed fine on a good full time salary.

I am off to traipse around the fields in the dark with my music - no one can ask me to do anything for a bit!

reluctantbrit · 23/10/2025 19:49

We budgeted for school trips but any special/expensive clothing was a present or DD had to save up for it.

Washing was done if she dropped it in the laundry basket.

We are lucky that DD was able to take a bus to see friends and go to some hobbies or we arrange car sharing with friends' parents.

It's about setting boundaries and telling them that you are a person with your own needs and they need to learn to respect others and that starts with parents.

QuickNameChange22 · 23/10/2025 19:50

Can't they start doing their own washing? I got so fed up of the amount of clothes DD would wear for an hour then put in the wash, which meant more washing and ironing for me. Not having to iron her uniform every weekend is very freeing 😁

I would also stop the constant lifts at the weekend, unless you live in the middle of nowhere they could walk or get the bus?

Sandyshandy · 23/10/2025 19:52

It’s hard work!! I never know what to say when people with tinnies ask when it starts to get easier - I think the teen years are much harder and much more to worry about! But I’m a few years further on than you and also simultaneously dreading them soon being grown up and gone!

JaneEyre40 · 23/10/2025 19:53

Secondtonaan · 23/10/2025 19:39

I have 2 DC, 12 and 14 and an totally run down and fed up.

When they were younger I worked part time, we had lovely times together in the park or reading, they went to bed at 7.30 and DH and I would have a glass of wine and watch a film or make nice food and chat. I always knew where they were or who they were with

Now I have to work FT because of CoL but also to pay for school ski trips and £70 hoodies. They hove around until at least 1030 (often having a crisis at 1029) by which time I'm collapsing in bed, their rooms are full of shit and crockery I have to sort out while washing their favourite Zara tee shirt. Weekends are spent driving them from party to sports events to friends houses. I am totally exhausted and do nothing except work and be a teen concierge.

The kids themselves are mostly wonderful, doing well at an excellent local school, nice friends. Usual ups and downs but we're very close. I just can't stand the lifestyle and don't get a minute to myself.

Not strong enough for AIBU but do you relate?

Erm...they need to earn their £70 hoodies. Not bringing their plates down is not earning it is it. Also, I would barely buy myself a £70 hoody, do you say no very often?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 23/10/2025 19:54

I hear you. The 10.29 crisis is what kills me. Or in DSs case the air fryer starting up at 11.15 because he feels peckish. All that said I'm really enjoying this phase. I come and go as I please. I don't need to check in with Dh to have an evening out. I've taken to sitting down watching TV around 8 or 9 when they are on tablets or chilling elsewhere. I've long since given up waiting for them to go to bed. If dh and I need time we go for a drink locally or a coffee and a walk.

verycloakanddaggers · 23/10/2025 19:55

They hove around until at least 1030 (often having a crisis at 1029) boundaries by which time I'm collapsing in bed
their rooms are full of shit boundaries
and crockery I have to sort out boundaries while washing their favourite Zara tee shirt boundaries

Weekends are spent driving them from party to sports events to friends houses boundaries

I am totally exhausted and do nothing except work and be a teen concierge. boundaries

I think the issue is you have no boundaries!

Northcoastmama · 23/10/2025 19:55

I had a lot of friends growing up who went to boarding school and I used to think why have children to then send them to board, as an adult I do not think this 😂 my two are tiny but I’m already dreading the teen years and secretly hoping when they finish prep they maybe decide to flexi board just so at least a couple of nights a week are my own

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 23/10/2025 19:57

Get them doing their own laundry. Get them some new crockery and cutlery just for them and if they don’t bring it down and wash it up or load it into the dishwasher then they won’t have any plates etc.
I never let mine take food up to their bedrooms.

DingDongJingle · 23/10/2025 19:58

There’s a ‘no food in bedrooms’ rule in our house. And no drinks except water.

HonoriaBulstrode · 23/10/2025 20:02

They don't need £70 hoodies.

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere with no other options, they don't need to be constantly ferried around to parties and sports and friends.

They can wash their own damn Zara t-shirts.

indoorplantqueen · 23/10/2025 20:04

I love the teenage years. I love the conversations.
One of the benefits of one dc is that she has a sleepover at least twice/ three times a month so dh and go out/ stay in a hotel. We car share with other parents so i have lots of free time off during the week. what I don’t like is the never ending costs.

Original poster
Secondtonaan · 23/10/2025 20:04

verycloakanddaggers · 23/10/2025 19:55

They hove around until at least 1030 (often having a crisis at 1029) boundaries by which time I'm collapsing in bed
their rooms are full of shit boundaries
and crockery I have to sort out boundaries while washing their favourite Zara tee shirt boundaries

Weekends are spent driving them from party to sports events to friends houses boundaries

I am totally exhausted and do nothing except work and be a teen concierge. boundaries

I think the issue is you have no boundaries!

Yeah I knew I'd have some replies like this... I didn't have the happiest childhood so probably over compensate. Plus these things are the norm amongst their friends, some even worse than me!!!

OP posts:
reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 23/10/2025 20:06

I 100% understand you (I think it’s the change in control that really makes parents struggle) but you can still cook nice food and include them, no?

Unless yours are like my DD was, who went through every single dietary fad phase on earth and it was always a life or death situation…….

ZenNudist · 23/10/2025 20:08

I agree its shit. I know its all very well saying you need boundaries but teens are good at testing boundaries.

You don't have to work FT to supply them with nice school trips but I do think it's worth it. I don't let mine have £70 hoodies

Fucking around until late is my main issue. That and just not doing what's asked.

My teen is very spoilt really sounds like yours. I've got a tween who is fucking useless. So far this week he has used newfound freedom to eat so much chocolate before dinner he doesn't eat dinner. I'm now taking all money off him and marching him to the shop to buy a bus pass. He's also left his PE kit on the bus repeatedly and was late back from school as he was searching for something that was actually in his bag!

The up side is being able to go out and leave them home or be late back from work and they look after themselves. Plus they are funny.

BitterTits · 23/10/2025 20:10

Ooh there are some smug bastards on here!

Original poster
Secondtonaan · 23/10/2025 20:11

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 23/10/2025 20:06

I 100% understand you (I think it’s the change in control that really makes parents struggle) but you can still cook nice food and include them, no?

Unless yours are like my DD was, who went through every single dietary fad phase on earth and it was always a life or death situation…….

Yes, we do eat together most nights and they're pretty good with food but have to listen to why "Mrs X is such a bitch" or this hilarious thing thing Henry did in physics. Gahhhhhh. And I can't say any numbers as this results in "6/7"

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 23/10/2025 20:11

Why on earth are you doing all that stuff for them?? Send them to their rooms at 8-9pm. They have to wait for their birthdays for £70 hoodies. I was working 2 evenings at week at age 14 but I don’t think that’s done now. Sorry but they sound massively spoilt and need a huge dose of reality

pumpkinscake · 23/10/2025 20:12

DingDongJingle · 23/10/2025 19:41

It’s just another phase in parenting I think. You have the exhausting newborn and toddler phase, then a period of relative calm, then the teen years hit and it’s a different kind of exhaustion. They’ll be adults soon and you’ll get your peace back!

Exactly this. It's another phase, will be gone soon

Peonies12 · 23/10/2025 20:12

And get them both a bike for getting themselves around at the weekend.
make plans for yourself so you’re not available, and turn your phone off…

Freebus · 23/10/2025 20:13

We have the teens an allowance for clothes. This soon reigned in their desire for cool brands towards cheaper stuff.

ResusciAnnie · 23/10/2025 20:13

It’s only a decade or so of your life. Make sure you’re doing stuff for yourself too (yeah yeah that’s another thing on the list, but it should be high up on the priorities)