I hate the lifestyle that comes with having teens

[Secondtonaan]

I have 2 DC, 12 and 14 and an totally run down and fed up.

When they were younger I worked part time, we had lovely times together in the park or reading, they went to bed at 7.30 and DH and I would have a glass of wine and watch a film or make nice food and chat. I always knew where they were or who they were with

Now I have to work FT because of CoL but also to pay for school ski trips and £70 hoodies. They hove around until at least 1030 (often having a crisis at 1029) by which time I'm collapsing in bed, their rooms are full of shit and crockery I have to sort out while washing their favourite Zara tee shirt. Weekends are spent driving them from party to sports events to friends houses. I am totally exhausted and do nothing except work and be a teen concierge.

The kids themselves are mostly wonderful, doing well at an excellent local school, nice friends. Usual ups and downs but we're very close. I just can't stand the lifestyle and don't get a minute to myself.

Not strong enough for AIBU but do you relate?

I would set firmer rules around laundry and cleaning.

Same .
Same here. Not everyone lives in a city with buses and ubers. Though we didn't stop lifts altogether at 17 because I really didn't want them driving back from parties or taking lifts from friends. The statistics on young drivers RTC are chilling.

Also I don't hold with the old I had it tough so all teenagers should have it tough.
The OP is being slightly tongue in cheek and loves (most of) it really.

My DC had friends in villages in a ten mile radius. Many of the others had parents who would never do the late night pick ups. DH was a star and used to collect and deliver a car load of lads.

@SharpMintUser

oh get a grip! It doesn’t make someone a bad parent if they don’t want to spend every waking minute with their kids and they actually want to invest a bit of time in their marriage as well.

If you let your children get away with messing up their rooms and washing special items of clothing, then you have made a rod for your own back. As for £7O hoodies - they should earn them by at least helping at home. Sort them out now and lay down some house rules.

@PalePinkPeony Where do you live and what ages are your kids?

I live in a suburban area of a small town, but I'm not sure why that's relevant.

I don't have children, but I used to be a teenager.

I find this comment so so bizarre.

Why is it bizarre? Do you not remember being 16?

My teen has just had lots of 16th birthday parties to go to. Most finish 11-12pm and all have been in houses. Most houses are nowhere near a bus stop, lots are on a country lane. Even those nearer main roads firstly the busses have stopped running and secondly even if they were running no way would I want my 16 year old daughter walking around at 11:30pm getting a bus- probably alone.

This is a bit odd. I think if the parents of a 16 year old turned up at a house party, their friends would laugh at the fact that mummy or daddy have come to pick them up. And I'm sure mummy and daddy wouldn't be too happy about the stench of ethanol coming from their 16 year old after said party.

In cases when the house is in a remote area... do you know how a taxi works?

All of my three teenagers and all of their friends are delighted to be picked up from things. We often share and bring home a car full. Nobody is laughed at

It's so clear you don't have children let alone teenagers. How long ago were you a teenager?

I don’t recognise any of this. Mine aren’t interested in clothes, mostly stay in their rooms when at home, and use their bikes or public transport to get around. I did enough ferrying about when they were little I’m certainly not doing it now. We are rural and they are quite happy getting themselves around our village or over to the next one or getting the train into town. Their friends are the same. I think they would find it quite embarrassing to have parents running them around like little kids.

Are you trying to imply that I'm unusually old? I was a teenager in the early 00s, so I would be younger than most mums with teenagers. Even as recently as the early 00s, it would have been unusual for teenagers to be ferried around to house parties by mummy and daddy.

Well perhaps you live in a safe area or are not very good at assessing risk?

My eldest is independent with walking and public transport but I'm not going to let my 15 year old DD come home on her own through the City at 11/12 at night!

Plenty of people don’t play taxi driver for teenagers. Those without cars for a start.

How would you know that if you don't have teenagers. In my 'actual' experience nobody wants their 15 year old DD wondering though the City streets at 11/12 at night after a party so they either get a lift from a parent who does drive which I am doing tonight, the don't go to said party or their parents meet them on foot which we have done on the summer after we have been to the pub. It's different with adult teens as they can choose what they do.

I do have teenagers, the eldest is turning 15. I am saying your experience, and that of the OP is not universal. I can’t think of a situation where mine or any of their friends would need a lift home from somewhere at midnight. If they are visiting friends they are either home by 9 or they sleep over (camping usually) and come back in the morning.

I was early 20s in the ealry 00s so I was at school up to late 90s, my Mum and other Mums as all were divorced did pick us up form the pub in the sixth form years on occasion, not all of the time but I definitely had lots of lifts at 14-16 for parties and I was in London where the public transport was pretty good.

It's 2025 now things have changed a bit!

Don’t have kids. Remember being 16. Oh. Dear.
Actually thinking about it, I’ve never been a microbiologist but I do remember doing double award science gcse. Can’t be that different.
There must be a bridge somewhere round here.

Yes, apologises, wrong poster.

Well, our 15 year olds are obviously doing different things. Mine has just started going to parties in the evening at homes and they don't finish at 9. She does sometimes sleepover at someone's house who is going to the parties but they will be picked up by the parents, parents who I don't know by sight just aware of on WhatsApp group.

The early 00s is not that recent, it is 2026 in a couple of months!

I have no idea what you are saying. I suspect you don't know either.

Crikey. Why are you letting them keep dirty dishes in their rooms? They might turn into awful housemates when they're young adults.

I don't have teens yet so I don't know what you're dealing with but my mum would have had a fit if we'd left crockery in our rooms. I think you need to be a bit more strict on that front at least. You're their mother and yes we do a lot but you're not a maid and you'll be doing them a favour long term. They should be capable of putting items in the dishwasher.

Yes, my son and all his friends were ferried about by parents in their teens in the mid to late 1990s, it was normal. Parents would collect their child from our house too. Sometimes one parent would do the honours for two or three if they lived near each other. Not all the time but late at night. It wasn't 'wallyish' at all, everyone did it.

I think if the parents of a 16 year old turned up at a house party, their friends would laugh at the fact that mummy or daddy

No they wouldn't because in this rural area they ALL have parents picking them up. That's how it works

In cases when the house is in a remote area... do you know how a taxi works?
Obviously you've never lived in a remote area. Taxi companies are based in towns. The only way to get a taxi in a rural area is if you are in the town and want to go home. Then expect to pay at least £40 (this was years ago when DS2 lived at home). They won't pick up from village A and drop off in village B.

I’m with the why have dc brigade when it comes to your post. You would have to seriously dislike your teen to make them stay in their room and never drive them anywhere.

I think if the parents of a 16 year old turned up at a house party, their friends would laugh at the fact that mummy or daddy
No they wouldn't because in this rural area they ALL have parents picking them up. That's how it works
In cases when the house is in a remote area... do you know how a taxi works?
Obviously you've never lived in a remote area. Taxi companies are based in towns. The only way to get a taxi in a rural area is if you are in the town and want to go home. Then expect to pay at least £40 (this was years ago when DS2 lived at home). They won't pick up from village A and drop off in village B.

This is exactly how it is for me.
I'm not Mummy, I'm Mum and regularly drive my 16 yo to other villages, along with many other parents. We're not knocking on the door having a chat with the host parents like kiddy parties, just sitting on the road (hoping for a phone signal) letting the teen know you're there and shift their ass cos it's 1am

I haven't used a taxi in a very long time, not when they charge a stupid amount to go 3 miles, and that's even if they'll agree to the journey.

Today I'm driving from village to town with DS2, collecting his mate from town, driving another 45 mins to the train station in the nearest large town. They're going to football. The other parent is collecting from the station mid afternoon and bringing them back.

Quick turn around for DS2 before I drop him in town at his GF's. Come back home and then I'll cycle to friends for dinner (so I can have a drink).

Just a normal Saturday.

I've just looked at 14yo getting to her sport session by public transport... over 2hrs. Or I could drive her for 40mins.