I hate the lifestyle that comes with having teens

[Secondtonaan]

I have 2 DC, 12 and 14 and an totally run down and fed up.

When they were younger I worked part time, we had lovely times together in the park or reading, they went to bed at 7.30 and DH and I would have a glass of wine and watch a film or make nice food and chat. I always knew where they were or who they were with

Now I have to work FT because of CoL but also to pay for school ski trips and £70 hoodies. They hove around until at least 1030 (often having a crisis at 1029) by which time I'm collapsing in bed, their rooms are full of shit and crockery I have to sort out while washing their favourite Zara tee shirt. Weekends are spent driving them from party to sports events to friends houses. I am totally exhausted and do nothing except work and be a teen concierge.

The kids themselves are mostly wonderful, doing well at an excellent local school, nice friends. Usual ups and downs but we're very close. I just can't stand the lifestyle and don't get a minute to myself.

Not strong enough for AIBU but do you relate?

Hahaha exactly this!! Some parts I don't understand, like if they do their own washing it wouldn't be a full load so just a waste, and they're at school so can't peg out etc. We don't live in the middle of nowhere but I wouldn't want them getting bus back from party at 1000. So you have to facilitate them to some degree.

Oh no!!! I don’t need to hear this! I am in the thick of it with 3 tiny DC, and I often dream about how easier life will be when they are teens.

They can dress themselves, sit in a normal dining chair and cut up their own food, or even cook their own food! Get in and out of a car on their own! No car seats! No nappies! No 5am wake ups! No tantrums when you try and put their coats on!

I’ll be able to go to the gym, have hobbies again, wake up and go for a walk before the house wakes up, read a book in silence, drink my coffee while it’s still hot…

Apparently not!? 😂😭

I've parented a teenager and I sympathise with you, up to a point. The taxi stuff especially.

but you don't have to sort their rooms out. My take on it is that a teenager should have a private space, usually their rooms. If that space is theirs, it's also theirs to keep tidy, though the odd remark that there no longer seems to be any plates/bowls (whatever) left in the cupboard doesn't go amiss.

similarly with the favourite t-shirt. If it wasn't in the wash basket, it didn't get washed. not your problem. Next time, maybe they'll remember..

maybe I was a bad Mum. If so, I'm pretty lucky that 40 years after their teens, we live together with their partner, harmoniously.

mind you, adult child is still untidy, just doesn't bring it into my space.

Omg this is MY LIFE!!!

How old are they? Mine had Saturday jobs from the age of 16 - if they wanted a £70 hoodie, they could then buy it out of their earnings. They got to go on some school trips, but I wasn't going to fork out for ski trips. I also knew being a taxi in the teen years was going to be a nightmare, so I moved somewhere with good public transport. Realise the last one is quite a drastic decision, but seriously, if they're old enough, they could do a Saturday job. It will mature them a lot.

Are you having to drive them places because you live in a place with a lack of public transport? Im just curious because we used to live in a semi rural location but moved a few years ago to the city and im hoping it means I have a minimal role in ferrying my kids around as teens (they're only 9 and 5 just now). It would do my head in too!

Love having teens! Though the no evenings just DH&I came as a shock for a while.

Food is eaten downstairs in our house - so there is no crockery in bedrooms or food waste. I would find finding mouldy stuff a challenge.

Harsh responses OP. I relate. 16y old DS wanted some ‘Fear of God’ trackie thing for his 16th birthday this year, it was £250! He’s a good kid, recognised the expense and said just the hoodie would be fine if it was too much etc, But as I said, he’s a good kid, works hard at school and his sport so I wanted to buy it for him. But I missed the days of giving him a few ELC wooden toys that cost £50 and him being thrilled.

When they were small, we’d go out to dinner and they’d eat off the kids menu for £5 each, now they (obviously) eat off the adults menu and like a fillet steak - so that costs a fortune for all 4 of us.

DS actually keeps his room spotless, 14yr old DD’s room is a state. She leaves eyelashes everywhere, never empties her overflowing bin and can’t seem to find the laundry basket to put her dirty clothes in. Neither of them are capable of putting a new loo roll on the holder thing.

Every weekend (and a lot of weekday evenings) is a carousel of driving them to sports training or fixtures. I also seem to have become their social secretary as I get a barrage of messages asking ‘am I free this Saturday’. DS also has become a night owl, so whilst I’m in bed trying to sleep before getting up at 6am for work, he’s thumping about in his room, up and down stairs for endless bowls of cereal and quite frequently, decides he needs a long bath at 10pm.

Yes solidarity op. Love teens. Don’t love late night, endless food consumption and lifts. We don’t have a bus service here anymore and I a more tired than I have ever been!!

No, it's loads easier in some ways, especially if you have 3!!! Think for me it's come at a time when I have to work FT so feel like I never get a break..I also quite enjoyed pottering around town with my fellow zombie exhausted mums getting coffee and going to rhyme time but appreciate that may just be me.

I laughed reading this as it’s literally as if id written this myself. So relatable. ❤️

And so many smug replies about the £70 hoodie. It’s very difficult if your child / teen is surrounded by friends who have these things. And many of them do.

Totally relate to all this!!! Especially the eyelashes 😂 or someone washing their hair at 1000

Can't relate as I hated the first 10 years. After that I've been enjoying a lot! (They are 13 and 15, but I live in a city with great transport so they do most things by themselves). I prefer the difficult bits of teenagerdom than childhood.

Omg I thought it was just us with the 22.29 crisis - we often get suddenly acute medical issues at that time too

I loved the teen years. We live in a village with no public transport so there was a lot of ferrying about, sports stuff in younger years and social later on. They both learnt to drive at 17 but we still did lifts at night.
Not sure if it makes a difference but mine are two boys two years apart. Zero interest in expensive clothes and zero drama.

I did miss that time when you had a couple of child free hours in the evening though.

Mine each appear to generate full loads without any issue 🤦‍♀️ but if not I gently suggest they ask their sisters if they have any. The middle one doesn’t appear to wash laundry ever (I think her big sister does it). I don’t do it for them - I do tell them when the machine is full. I don’t mind pegging it out for them. It works, I think
I don’t get involved in their shit tip bedrooms
i feel your pain re the chauffeuring but one of mine drives now and it is amazing!
The transition to them no longer going to bed but hanging about so you can’t watch unsuitable things is painful! But then they get into exam years and endless homework and by the time that’s over it’s nice to watch things together again

I like the teenager years more than the toddler one. But the laundry, the 11pm baths, the demands for weird and wonderful ingredients when they cook and the social secretary duties are all painfully familiar. I love that DS has his friends over to play games, but feeding 5 late teens boys on the fly is a huge ask!

I have never allowed food in bedrooms either. No one knows how all the mugs and plates get upstairs 🤔

The washing rules bring it down yourself and put it in the machine yourself. I never allowed food in the bedroom just water.

I did chauffeur though.

Mine are now 20 and 17. I found the early to mid teens the worst tbh but it gets better! Hang on in there, it’ll be so different in a few years as they become more independent.

Others may disagree, but I encouraged mine to get on with learning to drive. Yes, the insurance is horrendous but it’s so nice that DS (17) can now drive himself to his practices and meeting up with friends. I’m not keen on him late night driving yet so then I still tend to drive him and sometimes he gets an Uber with a friend.

No

It's just different. All of that stuff is great, they're more independent and things do get much easier. Dp and I managed a midweek cinema trip last night and I can get to the gym a couple of times of week.

No 5am wake ups, definitely long lies but they'll still be rattling about the house at all hours and eat more than adults. No more cheap days out to the farm or park or swimming, everything they like to do is so expensive. They need driving everywhere but make friends now and you can share that load with other parents. Everything that was hard about having little ones is turned on it's head.

The stress of boundary pushing and worry about them is another level, I was not prepared!

You don’t have to do any of those things. You’re choosing to.

Ah, try to enjoy it, they'll soon be gone. My eldest two are away at uni now and the house is deathly quiet!

No don’t panic it is loads easier; I think we just forget about that stuff! However, the easier they get, the more time you spend driving in the evenings.

My teen is enormously expensive: he’s honestly like keeping a racehorse. I think boys’ clothes are a nightmare too because you can’t really just go to Zara or order off SHEIN, and when they’re in men’s sizes, it’s a hell of a lot - even if you order from vinted which I do!

They are very funny though - it’s like having a funny, cuddly, messy housemate; there’s always someone there with a hug (my son likes to kiss my nose and tell me I’m very small) and a joke to cheer you up. Equally I never have any money now so swings and roundabouts. I do like not having to wipe bums, and the fact you can just leave them in the house and go out, but are equally happy for them to join you for the company!

I don’t say this to diss your genuine point, but as a mum of a SEND teen how I wish with all my heart that he was doing ski trips and having sports events with buddies.