Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

Report it to the Police.,

I’d go full scorched earth. Report him. Cooperate with CPS.

Doesn't matter if he was drunk. That’s not an excuse.

Forget about your relative. They should be more concerned with keeping company with such low life scum.

Fuck his apology.

The freezing is a trauma response. We all react to trauma in different ways - fight, flight or freeze. Good for you OP. We’re all backing you xx

And yet he hasn't apologised to you. If he was genuinely sorry he would be totally mortified and would want to make it up to each and every one of his victims.

If anyone seriously found this funny, there's something badly wrong with them.

Yeah, using the balloons gives him the classic “It’s only a joke love, lighten up. Can’t you take a joke??” defence. I find those ‘clowny’ types sus, just as a baseline.

I can't believe the guy got away with doing this more than once and that no one threw him out of the party. This is sexual assault, OP. You didn't overreact and I'm glad you decided to report him to the police.

Why were you throwing up?

Doesn’t matter whose party it was the guy isn’t your problem get him reported doesn’t matter if he was drunk or not he is a sexual predator he needs to taught he can’t just go around touching up whoever he likes. Report report you don’t owe your relatives anything if anything they should bloody report him.

Bloody hell! Who does he belong to? Disgusting creature.

How awful for you. I hope you're OK this morning?

Report the creep to the police. How dare he think he can commit sexual assault and then walk away

Really???

You didn't over-react or ruin everyone's night. Who the fuck was with this guest and just letting him walk around sexually assault women - did he have no friends there? Why didn't the host kick him out? And your husband is right - you should call the police, today.

Are you for real?

@Biggles27 please report to the police. By not doing so, you're minimising what you went through and also setting a poor example to your daughter, that women can be sexually assaulted without consequence.

Omg I’m so so sorry. I’m lost for words

I had an incident with a relatives carer.... No personal interaction. So I thought let it go cos he might lose his job..
DD said I needed to tell the police... He might be doing worse in other homes with vulnerable old people??
I did and it's still under investigation... He lost his job.....
Definitely speak with the police.. He could be doing worse elsewhere!

I'm sorry you for your experience...
Good luck xxx

What a horrible man. I hate that women so often think they're overreacting and feel guilty for it - being told stuff is 'banter' far too often. You didn't overreacting - not even in mentioning latex allergy given your personal experience with it.

I agree with PP on that I'm not a violent person but I'm starting to think these horrible bastards would soon stop if they were punched in the face in return.

Horrible behaviour. It's happened to me on a number of occasions, minus the jokey balloon disguise adopted by your creepy fucker. No, I never made it official; yes, there were usually people who witnessed it, acknowledged it, and colluded in minimising it. I was part of that, brushing it off as something to be expected. What did I expect, going about being reasonably presentable whilst in possession of a nice pair of tits? Obviously the fault was half mine, it seemed.
You'll ultimately do whatever makes you comfortable. My reactions at the time weren't in the long run the right ones, but whether I'd do anything different now, I have no idea.

His behaviour was appalling and blatantly sexual assault even if he tried to dress it up as jolly japes (NOT funny).

It's bad enough he did it the first time at all but when you made it clear you did not have any intention of playing along (I completely agree he should not have done it in the first place) his repeated and humiliating repeats of the same behaviour were increasingly aggressive. It smacks of a man thinking how dare she say no to me, I'll show her and her husband I'm entitled to do what I want with her body.

The fact that he did this in front of a room full of people who knows who he is, is separately very worrying. If he is willing to take the risk of publicly sexually assaulting a woman in front of witnesses, god knows what he tries to do in private.

Please do report him.

Did he do it to anyone else who was present, that you are aware of?

I felt really uncomfortable about something that happened at the party.

Absolutely report him to the police. Fortunately, it’s not actually complicated at all from a legal standpoint and the host and others know exactly who he is and you have multiple supportive witnesses. Do it today while it’s fresh in everyone’s memories. I’m sorry this happened to you and hope you have all your people around you looking out for you today.

I was sexually assaulted at a wedding....all I could think of at the time was I mustnt causde a fuss and ruin the reception for the bride, who was a good friend.

It was a waiter and he groped me 3 times under guise of passing behind our table to collect plates....i then spent about a decade being angry with myself about not causing a fuss at the time.

Its easy to think youd physically restrain them, but when it happens, its so unexpected you cant always process whats going on in the moment.

Gisele Pelicot said the shame should pass from the victim to the offender.....
Its not you who caused any fuss or embarrassment or is responsible for any problems or unpleasantness for the host that may arise from this, its ALL on him.

OP Im so sorry. This is awful.

I do feel the need to say though, the realistic outcome of reporting to the police is demands on your time and emotional energy, and let’s be realistic- it’s not going to lead to a charge. I would really think about whether you want to do the “work” to take this route with the likely outcome?

I just think its so easy for people on forums to
demand POLICE knowing they’ll walk away and never hear of this again. It’s not as easy for you.

I do think you should report to police. You have witnesses, plus the support of your DH and others who were there. You're in a good position to report, even though I agree with pp that it is not 'easy' and there is likely to be an emotional toll on you.

But you absolutely should report it, because what he did was sexual assault. It must have been horrible and scary for both you and your DD.

The same party?

Definitely report, you have witnesses, there may even be CCTV. If your relative takes the side of the assailant, sod them. This man knew what he was doing.