Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

This is someone known to you? Was he doing it to others or just you,?

Absolutely dreadful personally if it's work that is the common denominator I would write to HR today about it. Although reading again I guess it's a wedding.

You didn’t over react.
you certainly didn’t spoil people’s evening. He did that.

You didn’t over react.
you certainly didn’t spoil people’s evening. He did that.

I agree.
Was it a private party or a corporate thing ?
What have the hosts said ?

Thank you. Currently in a cafe having breakfast deciding what to do

he was spoken to by various people and apparently apologised - me and dd not convinced. Think there’s some damage limitation going on as he’s a friend of the host and no one wants drama. I’m probably being painted as not being able to take a joke but it really wasn’t funny.

your support is very very appreciated

Men like this need standing up to. I would have let DH go and speak to him, men like that can’t get away with this shit. I’d be phoning the police. I assume he was out of it on drink/drugs?

Please report him to the police. You have been sexually assaulted and he needs stopping. You have plenty of witnesses and more women may come forward too.

You were very very reasonable! I'd have punched him and let dh finish him off. Apologies count for nothing unless they're said to you. Yes I would call the police.

I would go to the police.

you were sexually assaulted.

I’m sorry.

Agree, police. I had a man (fifty something) assault me like this in the street when I was 18. He came up to me quickly and just grabbed both breasts. It was early evening and I was walking along with friends. It was a huge shock and very upsetting. Ten years later a man did the same thing at a bar, then said to his mates that he was “testing to see if they were real” . Horrible. I am sorry this happened to you Op.

Report it. Not much will happen but the police might speak to him. Being reported might shake up both him and the others who are shrugging it off.

He’s lucky you didn’t hit him with a bottle. If you can get him arrested , do it

What do you feel is stopping you reporting this to the police?

The host should be backing you up, and if they don’t then the relationship is ruined anyway. Don’t worry how it will affect others, report him, even if nothing comes of it, you will feel like you have stood up for yourself. Which will help in the long run.

And the DD. She’ll see men can’t just get away with it. Important for that more than anything x

It’s assault. Was he there as a performer or just a guest? I work a little in cabaret events and the very odd man who pulls stuff like that is vetoed. You remind me of being a young adult in a restaurant with my parents and a ‘clown’ that was for a children’s section kept coming up and pulling my hair and honking his horn in my face despite being told no. You cannot have an abusive male who thinks lack of consent is funny, in any performance role. Or ever. Either way, complain until there is a result. Sick of being expected to laugh off abusive male behaviour. Sorry your night was ruined.

Im not sure why your refusing to go down to breakfast?

You genuinely can’t think of a reason why the OP doesn’t want to potentially see this man again? Come on, wise up.

I hope you do report him OP 💐

I’m normally quite relaxed about people overstepping when drunk etc but this is an assault. I would tell the police too ideally soon in case they can use the cctv

You've got a shit dh OP, first time fair enough let you deal with it but most men I know would have stepped in after that.

Well you definitely didn't overreact. I'd let it be known you are considering contacting the police. Whether you do or not is up to you but it would make him sweat. The apology should be to you directly.

You may want to hide and not cause a scene - but you have to think of your daughter and what you show her is acceptable and not.

Report him to the police.

I can’t understand how anybody at the table let him near you a second time.
I’m not sure if I’d go to the police (my own experience of no take up would leave me further frustrated) but I’d certainly have wiped the floor with the vile creature last night. I’m sorry this happened - you certainly didn’t ruin the evening.

As somebody above said, if you decide not to go to the police, make sure it gets back to him that you are. He needs to panic at the very least.

What an absolute arsehole. You’re not overreacting. I’d seriously consider the police. That wanker needs taken in hand

Fuck me. He sexually assaulted you in a room full of people and not one of them phoned the police or punched him (I don't advocate this, but I would like to think that of all the reasons men get punched, this would be one of them) or chucked him out?

AND theyre minimising it now because it might upset the host?

I tell you who should be upset...YOU! And everyone should be running round making sure you're ok and asking what you'd like to do in terms of reporting it.

Your dh was the only decent bloke there. Im so sorry for you. You are not over reacting. At all. If anything you're under reacting. Hope you're as ok as you can be.