Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

Contact the police. Hope you are OK.

I read only a few lines and immediately thought about calling the police. I’m so sorry this happened. Imagine what this disgusting excuse for a man does to women when no one else can see. Please don’t feel this is a fuss about nothing, i guarantee he’s got form.

You feel like that because women get trained from an early age to feel like that OP.

I'd go and make that fuss, this sort of humiliation stuff stays with you and you'll kick yourself later for letting it go.

DH was stopped from taking action by me - he respected my wishes! If it was left to him, he admitted it would have got physical

ill phone the police and report it - there’s some good points made here that I hadn’t considered

if someone did that to my dd, I’d not let it go

the guy sitting next to me tried to stop him and did speak to him and came and checked if I was ok

he was unstoppable - you kinda had to be there - it was very strange, he just kept coming despite being pushed away

drunk - probably

a creep - definitely

That’s vile. It’s totally unacceptable and as others have said you have been a victim of SA whether you realised it at the time or not.

1. go back to hotel now and speak to the hotel tell them what happened ask if they have the incident on CCTV. If they do please ask them to retain in case police request it

2. make a police report. The dude could have prior or been accused before and unable to take further and perhaps this time with witnesses cctv if available etc. even if your complaint doesn’t lead to a specific charge or anything it allows them to build a picture.

Definitely report to the police op. There were plenty of witnesses, so it shouldn’t be an issue getting statements. Don’t let him get away with it.

This is absolutely outrageous. I would report this to the police.
I was assaulted on the tube a few years ago in a similar vein albeit without balloons involved. I didn't report it at the time as I was so confused as to what happened. I was shaken and crying after but I was so confused as to whether I was over reacting.
Well about a month later the guy was on crimewatch for doing it to multiple women and his assaults had got progressively worse. So I called the police when I saw it on tv, then and had to go in to make a statement and he was eventually convicted for multiple assaults on multiple women.
Report it as at the very least it might help to form a pattern of behaviour if he does it again to someone.

Few other questions I haven’t answered!

he was a guest

private party not corporate or work related

host a relative so a bit complicated

Omg I so so sorry. And yes I know that feeling

Good luck then OP. Even if the police don’t do anything apart from record it and speak to him - your DD will see the action you’ve taken. And he’ll have it on his record. And perhaps - he won’t do it again.

Jesus OP I am so sorry you experienced that

Call the police right away - this is assault, with loads of witnesses and he needs to be prosecuted

It's appalling

Why didn't you kick him so hard in the balls that they would never actually re-attach?

We have all become conditioned to accept this shite from men but I would have macerated his tackle, especially after the first assault.

FAFO. These types try it because it has never occurred to them they might have permanent scarring.

A prisoner was sentenced to serve extra time for grabbing a female prison officer's buttock - this went to court and was not laughed off, it's assault. Just because it happens to women every day of the week doesn't make it ok. Please report him.

There is another thread going about cocaine use and I’d put money on this jerk being off his head on drugs.
You did nothing wrong - this man tried to ruin a party and who knows what else he did with his risk taking.
Id report to the police myself. This is not his first abuse rodeo.

The guy sounds like an absolute menace.

You, your DH and DD have all behaved impeccably in the face of an awful, aggressive creep.

I would report it to the police if for no other reason than to scare the shit out of this idiot.

100% sexual assault. Police as soon as you can face it. Big hug to you x

You do right to report it. If the host is a relative, I would make it very clear what happened and that if this man is included in future events, your family will not attend.

Don't minimise it. The responsibility is his.

Yeah its so confusing.
The guy in my case stopped me in an empty tube walkway to say I had something on my trousers on thrle back crotch and he wanted to let me know, he was so kind and smiley, he said it smelled of piss, which upset me and he offered a hanky to wipe it off, and then got closer as I was trying to wipe it off and shoved his hands down my trousers, saying he was helping me to get it off. At which point I froze, then ran as fast as I could. I was so confused, did I get it wrong, was he helping me, did he mean to do it??
But apparently that was his MO, he carried piss around in a little bottle and threw it on womens backs and bottoms and then offered to help clean it off then assaulted them. Lucky my assault wasnt that bad compared to what he worked up to doing.

“it really wasn’t funny. “

OP, it sounds terrifying - you were both assaulted and attacked. I know the confusion this sort of thing causes - there’s the disbelief that it’s actually happening for a start. And we are all conditioned to be “polite”, especially if we’re out at a social occasion - but that’s how these creeps get away with it. Definitely report him - I doubt it’s the first time he’s gone in for such behaviour, and he needs to know that it’s utterly unacceptable, and indeed, sexual assault.

The trouble is this is how people like this keep getting away with inappropriate behaviour, because other people victim blame and play it down. Hopefully you will be courageous enough to call it out for what it is as the police most certainly won’t find it acceptable even if he was drunk.

How drunk was he? If he is mortified this morning by his behaviour then I would be stern with him and actually suggest to him that if that behaviour was the result of alcohol induced lack of inhibitions he needs to stop drinking! If he was anything less than mortified I actually think I would tell him that you should be reporting him for sexual assault, plain and simple, don’t mince words.

I don’t think the police will test him for drugs?

OP, I’m sorry you had this happen to you.

Its very clear he sexually assaulted you.

Don’t let your decision to report him be driven by how your relative / host might feel. That man chose to conduct himself a certain way and you dont have to take it in silence and worry about you not wanting to cause problems. He started it and kept going. I think the latex issue, while important, is entirely secondary.

Just because he might’ve been drunk or on something else, is no excuse for his behavior.

You should report him to the police, he appears to be a predator.

What an utter creep.

I can't believe no-one removed him from the party and that your husband didn't say one single word to him.

You say your 'husband was stopped by you', but I don't know many husbands who would stand by and do nothing at all regardless.

You say I’d be in police custody if he’d touched my daughter!

I would expect the same loyalty from my husband to be honest.

sexual assault dressed up as a joke and making you out to have no humour. Gaslighting at its finest. I’ve seen this behaviour before and sometime women laugh because although they feel violated they have been conditioned to accept it.
You did not overreact OP and I’m sorry you suffered this nasty perverts assaults.