Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

He did it confidently, this suggests that he does this regularly. It is sexual assault, I would definitely report.

Omg that’s horiffic. I’m so very sorry. But you do freeze. You think of the the things you should’ve done but in the moment - you freeze

Being a friend of the host doesn’t mean you have free rein to grope women and if the host does try to down play this down they are part of the problem and I’d be cutting ties with them.

OP, that sounds vile, abusive and really distressing. Make sure you do what feels right to you. You are not responsible for whether that upsets other people, or protects other people, you are in charge of what you do now. Look after yourself and do what feels right to you. Take care

It doesn't matter that he's a friend of the host.
He assaulted you.
He wouldn't stop when asked.
He could've killed or seriously hurt someone with a latex allergy.
Don't let this go. He should be charged with sexual assault.

Freeze and minimise it. Then tell yourself it was nothing. It was a mistake. It was your fault for being there, wearing that, stopping, freezing, not saying anything at the time. Not pushing them off.
I think it is some sort of inbuilt reaction that you can't overide at the time.
But it was assault plain and simple.

You're not over reacting at all. If I was in your position I would 100% be calling the police.
He's assaulted you.
Also, if you just let it go that sends the same message to your daughter.

There were witnesses, and possibly CCTV because it was at a hotel. He's "apologised" to people, so that's admitting it right there, what would he be apologising for?

Police police police. Bugger how the host feels and how uncomfortable it might be for everyone else. Police.

Report to the police. It's assault.

I would have punched him because that is how I react to unwanted touching.

Go to the police. Relative be damned.

@Biggles27

It doesn’t matter that he is a friend of the host etc. His behaviour was beyond inappropriate. It doesn’t matter if no one wants drama - he sexually assaulted you. That is a criminal offense.

He needs to be reported. What else does he get up to if he can do this in full view of your husband and daughter?

I also note that you are being told he has apologised but he has made no attempt to apologise to you.

If people think that you are being dramatic by being upset at being groped without consent then I think you can safely dismiss anything else they think or say. There is absolutely nothing here “to have a laugh about”.

I’m really glad you’re going to report this. Him being told no repeatedly didn’t stop him and that makes a dangerous man.

I’m also pleased your husband respected your wishes. It’s really important when something like this happens that others don’t also take your power and agency away from you so well done to him.

You were sexually assaulted and that’s not ok. Don’t let others make you feel like you ‘shouldn’t make a fuss’. You have every right to take this forward if that’s what you choose to do.

Easy to see why so many men get off lightly for their abusive behaviour when these are the types of mothers and partners they have in their lives. Oh he was just drunk and is now mortified, no biggie. A stern conversation for a sexual assault. what the fuck. She shouted no the first time and he came back to do it again.

Report him - he is doing this to others too & it will get worse.

You don't need to say anything to the host about reporting him.

Reporting will stop this behaviour now & protect others. It also helps the perpetrator.

I'd have chosen violence.

Absolutely fucking not! Men like this need to be reported and not have people ‘having words’ then brushing it under the carpet.

Please, let’s stop sexual predators getting away with it.

I would report this to the police.
Sexual assault is never a joke.

This man could go on to hurt someone else really badly.
Your relative needs to support you or butt out.
Fwiw I have been raped twice, both 'funny guys'. No one stuck up for me and it effected me for decades.

You are not over reacting. This was not ‘a bit of fun’ - it was a repeated assault. Please contact the police.
My husband has never hit anyone in his life but would probably have done so.

So sorry this happened, you are not overreacting at all. He sexually assaulted you.

Horrible, vile pig. You didn’t over react op, in fact I think you under reacted. In a similar scenario I booted him so hard in the bollocks, he hit the deck. He was then unceremoniously carried out and dumped on the street by the event staff.
Report him. He clearly needs to learn that this is not ok.

fucking hell that is awful. I would call the police. Even if they don't pursue anything he should at least be arrested and questioned. There will have been loads of witnesses.

Please report it if he can do this to you imagine what else he is capable of and has already probably got away with because he has been enabled

I was thinking this. What people probably saw was you shouting about latex allergies and thought you were being a bit overkill seeing as you weren't reacting to it.
If I heard someone shouting about getting the balloon away due to an allergy then I wouldn't assume they'd been assaulted.

You were not however overreacting to what he was doing.

Latex allergy is a major one that people don't realise how badly people can be allergic. The two people I know with a bad latex allergy wouldn't have stayed if there were balloons as the change of them having a reaction is high. If their dc has been to a party with balloons, they stop in the leisure centre on the way back so she can have a shower and change her clothes. That's how bad it is.

@Biggles27 so sorry you had this experience

You didn't overreact. Honestly, there's a high chance I'd have slapped him. Even knowing that our bat shit situation would get me arrested and not him.