Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

Have you read the OPs posts yet?

Well done OP. It might well take a while to feel okay again, it was a horrible experience that your brain now needs to process. Be kind to yourself and seek support if you need it. 🌷

Well done OP and sorry you went through this

@Biggles27 thankyou for reporting hopefully (even if he’s never charged or anything) it will make him stop before he does anything else.

Update

police agreed to take it forward - several witnesses came forward

But he’s not a British National and has left the UK. No more Police can do as he’s said he has no plans to return to UK

unfortunately that’s the end

Slimebag.

Well done though. I'm sorry you didn't get proper justice. At least he's unlikely ro ever set foot in this country again. Did the host apologize to you?

What an absolute twat he definitely knew what he was doing if he ever returned could they get him then or is it case closed. Good for you standing up to him he might think twice before being a sexual predator.

Don’t feel too dejected. You’ve basically stopped him ever coming back to the UK ever again, as he’ll have the fear of being arrested hanging over him. Good way for you to be living rent free in his head for the rest of his life, the slimy bastard.

I also hope any mutual acquaintances has cut him off.

I don’t know. I was too upset to ask questions.

Completely agree. He may appear to have escaped but OP, your strength in standing up to him and speaking out has hopefully protected you from ever having your path crossed by him again. He will be affected negatively because of this and hopefully will live with this on his conscience for ever. It will eat him up on some level knowing he cannot return without facing up to justice.

It's also an enormously valuable lesson you've taught your daughter, who witnessed it all unfold - hold on to that . You've done your bit 100% and should feel rightly proud of yourself.

And you’ve stopped him from doing it again to any other woman in the UK

Thank you. You will never know how much the support I got from you all made a difference. Thank you again

@Biggles27 Thank you for updating. You did the right thing and made a difference. You should be really proud of what you have done.

Tell them you want him circulating as wanted so that if he does return it will be picked up at the point of entry. Don't take it that they can't do anything else, that's just a reason to get it off their books. They can, it will just be closed pending anything new coming to light. (Ie he returns) .
Its sexual assault, you will also be protecting any future victims)

They should do that anyway. If he turns up at a UK airport they should flag him and hold him for the police.
I would have been a bit cynical of that working until recently when I know of someone arrested at the airport in similar circumstances. The airport police were very quick to get him when he entered the airport.

In an ideal world it should be but sadly having come from that career, its not done as standard. It can vary between officers and whether its considered proportional to the offence.

If you have questions later on, it's okay to call them back and ask them. Also the Victim Support helpline might be able to help talk things through.

Well done for reporting anyway. At the very least, he'll be wary of coming back to the UK, and if he did it again it's on record so the next person would be believed.

This is exactly what I thought- Op this is about a millions times more devastating for him and inconvenient than a chat with the British police 😳 did he live here?!?

Oh @Biggles27well done you 💐.

However I now feel sorry for the women in the place he’s fled to.

There is that sadly, but let's hope he'll have a bit of a look at himself knowing he's been pulled up for it over here.

And YY to victim support OP if they still operate the way they did after I was burgled 20 odd years ago. They were fabulously supportive and really centered on how it had affected me (I was in at the time).

Find him on fb or LinkedIn...
Name and shame him.

Thanks for the update.
You did everything right, and posting this thread has let other women talk about their own experiences, and hopefully helped them too.
I know from experience of running an Agony Aunt column on a different forum that many women never speak out about the abuse they have suffered....once they do, it can help them come to terms with it.

I hope you can put this in a box marked 'dealt with'...and enjoy the happy life and good husband that you are blessed with.

Many congratulations @Biggles27 and admiration for your courage. There will be consequences for him even if he can't be prosecuted here. He has a social circle here to have been at the event and I hope the other guests and the host will think twice about inviting him to anything else. His social circle in his own country will probably hear all about it. Also hope they all know the action you have taken and that he cannot return to this country without risking more police action. Other men who might behave similarly might think twice now.

Your action will have an effect even if it is not so public as a prosecution.

That’s such a challenging update. Good in the way the police took it seriously and this awful man is off our streets (but probably in assaulting women in another country) but also bad not seeing justice served.

But your reporting has made a difference for sure. I hope you can put it behind you now.