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Original poster

Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

349 replies

Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 09:27

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

OP posts:
Sparklesandspandexgallore · 19/10/2025 12:30

blacksax · Today 10:03

I'd have thrown a drink over him if he'd done that to me. I would quite possibly also have smacked the fucker in the face.

Completely agree.

No5ChalksRoad · 19/10/2025 12:32

CatherinedeBourgh · 19/10/2025 10:08

I am gobsmacked that he wasn't kicked out of the party the first time he did it!

Me too. Was everyone else just sitting there tolerating him?

was this a social event like a wedding, or a corporate / industry affair, or ???

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/10/2025 12:32

What a fucking creep. I’d have booted him myself if I were the host, family makes it even worse!! Definitely police, and if you’re talking about to anyone from the party say clearly that weirdo who assaulted me multiple times really ruined my night but he’s been reported to the police thank goodness.

IsItSnowing · 19/10/2025 12:34

Firstly, I don't think you overreacted at all. I'd have thrown my drink over him and possibly smacked him in the face (which I don't think would have helped the situation). You sound as though you acted with some restraint actually.
Secondly, you were sexually assualted in public. Go to the police. I don't care who he's friends with, this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable. It doesn't come out of the blue either. Report him now and let him know that he can't do this kind of thing and get away with it. You may save someone else the same trauma.

Original poster
Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 12:35

honeylulu · 19/10/2025 12:13

His behaviour was appalling and blatantly sexual assault even if he tried to dress it up as jolly japes (NOT funny).

It's bad enough he did it the first time at all but when you made it clear you did not have any intention of playing along (I completely agree he should not have done it in the first place) his repeated and humiliating repeats of the same behaviour were increasingly aggressive. It smacks of a man thinking how dare she say no to me, I'll show her and her husband I'm entitled to do what I want with her body.

The fact that he did this in front of a room full of people who knows who he is, is separately very worrying. If he is willing to take the risk of publicly sexually assaulting a woman in front of witnesses, god knows what he tries to do in private.

Please do report him.

Did he do it to anyone else who was present, that you are aware of?

Thank you. I was told other people had had enough of him but I don’t know the details.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 19/10/2025 12:35

Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 09:35

Still at hotel. Yes witnesses. Known guest - private party. Thank you. I feel guilty that I overreacted, ruining peoples nights. I feel violated

You are not over reacting. Report him to whoever you deem is appropriate. Also speak to whoever organised the party, they know who he is.

Original poster
Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 12:35

No5ChalksRoad · 19/10/2025 12:32

Me too. Was everyone else just sitting there tolerating him?

was this a social event like a wedding, or a corporate / industry affair, or ???

Show quote history

Social event, not corporate

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 19/10/2025 12:37

He is a predator, and gets away with this type of behaviour relying on the fact that people don't want to make a scene and spoil the atmosphere. He was lucky either you, your husband, or a fellow guest didn't floor him...but he has probably got away with acting like a pervert before, so he takes his chances.

I just read the OP out to my husband, he was fuming on your behalf.
He agrees with me, that either the hotel should have called the police at the time, (if they were aware) or you should report it now.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 19/10/2025 12:38

I would also have no issue with shouting ‘Get the fuck off me, you pervert!’
There again, I’m passed the age of caring what any man thinks of me.

Original poster
Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 12:38

ShibuyaScramble · 19/10/2025 12:18

I was sexually assaulted at a wedding....all I could think of at the time was I mustnt causde a fuss and ruin the reception for the bride, who was a good friend.

It was a waiter and he groped me 3 times under guise of passing behind our table to collect plates....i then spent about a decade being angry with myself about not causing a fuss at the time.

Its easy to think youd physically restrain them, but when it happens, its so unexpected you cant always process whats going on in the moment.

Gisele Pelicot said the shame should pass from the victim to the offender.....
Its not you who caused any fuss or embarrassment or is responsible for any problems or unpleasantness for the host that may arise from this, its ALL on him.

Thank you. I’m so very to hear what happened to you

OP posts:
blunderbuss12 · 19/10/2025 12:43

Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 10:12

Thank you. Currently in a cafe having breakfast deciding what to do

he was spoken to by various people and apparently apologised - me and dd not convinced. Think there’s some damage limitation going on as he’s a friend of the host and no one wants drama. I’m probably being painted as not being able to take a joke but it really wasn’t funny.

your support is very very appreciated

Apologised to who?

He sounds utterly pathetic. I'd hang him out to dry

cosimarama · 19/10/2025 12:46

If this man does this in front of people, including your husband, it sounds like he will do similar again, or go further. A police report - if you can manage it - will at least put his actions on record. You may spend time and emotional energy reporting it but consider whether you might end up being regretful if you don’t. You can be very matter of fact. It will show your daughter your family’s tolerance for that kind of behaviour.

WaltzingWaters · 19/10/2025 12:46

He sounds like such a vile creep. Absolutely report it to the police. Even if nothing comes from it this time, it’s always good to report any form of sexual assault to help any further cases people may make.

So sorry this creep did this to you.

BigFatBully · 19/10/2025 12:47

Biggles27 · 19/10/2025 09:27

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

This seems to be at least, sexual harassment. It must have been awful for you to go through. That is beyond the threshold of what is an acceptable joke at a party.

mirrorsandlights · 19/10/2025 12:48

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I still think about two different men who sexually assaulted me years ago. I didn’t go to the police as I thought they wouldn’t take it seriously as they didn’t in those days. I regret it now and wonder how many other women were assaulted by them or whether their behaviour escalated.

lifeonmars100 · 19/10/2025 12:48

You are not overeacting, this foul man sexually assaulted you. I am sorry you went through this, it was awful.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 19/10/2025 12:52

Stop him today op. From ever doing it again. As you said he is know to you. Next time it could be your dd.

Bambamhoohoo · 19/10/2025 12:53

mirrorsandlights · 19/10/2025 12:48

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I still think about two different men who sexually assaulted me years ago. I didn’t go to the police as I thought they wouldn’t take it seriously as they didn’t in those days. I regret it now and wonder how many other women were assaulted by them or whether their behaviour escalated.

It wasn’t your responsibility to stop sexual assault.

the idea that women should be obliged to report to protect others is rooted in misogyny

mirrorsandlights · 19/10/2025 12:56

Bambamhoohoo · 19/10/2025 12:53

It wasn’t your responsibility to stop sexual assault.

the idea that women should be obliged to report to protect others is rooted in misogyny

Show quote history

I didn’t say it was. I wished I’d reported it because it might have stopped me thinking about it and feeling angry decades later. I do wonder whether they continued to offend. One of the assaults was very violent.

Bambamhoohoo · 19/10/2025 12:57

mirrorsandlights · 19/10/2025 12:56

I didn’t say it was. I wished I’d reported it because it might have stopped me thinking about it and feeling angry decades later. I do wonder whether they continued to offend. One of the assaults was very violent.

Show quote history

It’s just so sad to hear women taking on this responsibility (and even on this thread, being given it as a reflex response) we can’t stop men sexually assaulting women.

eta- on the other hand you might have reported and the outcomes might’ve been worse for you in all sorts of ways. You’ll probably always wonder x

mirrorsandlights · 19/10/2025 13:00

Bambamhoohoo · 19/10/2025 12:57

It’s just so sad to hear women taking on this responsibility (and even on this thread, being given it as a reflex response) we can’t stop men sexually assaulting women.

eta- on the other hand you might have reported and the outcomes might’ve been worse for you in all sorts of ways. You’ll probably always wonder x

Edited
Show quote history

It’s a fairly common response to not want what happened to you to happen to other women.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/10/2025 13:00

It was assault and someone definitely should have called the police.

cosimarama · 19/10/2025 13:03

Bambamhoohoo · 19/10/2025 12:57

It’s just so sad to hear women taking on this responsibility (and even on this thread, being given it as a reflex response) we can’t stop men sexually assaulting women.

eta- on the other hand you might have reported and the outcomes might’ve been worse for you in all sorts of ways. You’ll probably always wonder x

Edited
Show quote history

Any victim who reports a crime to the police has to deal with that extra admin and emotional energy. Shit, on top of everything, but are you suggesting everyone stops reporting crimes where charges are unlikely? Or just that female victims of SA who report to the police lose more than they gain?

chaosmaker · 19/10/2025 13:04

@Biggles27 did he assault any other women there?

Viviennemary · 19/10/2025 13:04

He should be reported for assault. Disgusting and totally unacceptable. Call police. Probably won't be the first report.