Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

No, you wouldn't be overreacting. You would be defending yourself against a sexual assault, which is totally justified.

Well done. You’ve done the right thing. Hopefully no drama from family.

Well done @Biggles27

So, people dressed in idiotic dinner suits are just as neanderthal as any scrotum in Wetherspoons, it seems. In fact often worse as they are usually more entitled in life. A bit like our very own "prince" Andrew.

Well done for reporting it. There may well be women and girls in the future who your actions will have prevented the same from happening to them.

I'm so angry for you! Who the fuck does he think he is?!

What a cunt. I would go to the Police - hope you're ok xx

Good for you, you've absolutely done the right thing. I'm sorry that this happened to you and so glad you've taken steps to try to prevent this happening to other women.

If the relative doesn't like the drama then they need to pick better friends, rather than arseholes like that.

Because you were rude. The poster you have responded to is more leveled in her response

Good on you op. I hope this has eased your mind somewhat and you’ll sleep easier tonight.
Please let us know of the outcome and know that we are all routing for you.

I am not the sort of person that doesn’t react and this guy would have ended up in hospital and although my DH is the calmest person on the planet I am sure if he got there before me he would loose his shit if someone grabbed my boob .
Call the police that guy is predator !

A few years ago, I was working as a cleaner minding my own business and using a floor polishing machine. One of the security guards happened to be walking by, when out of nowhere he grabbed both my boobs and said “ Oh they look lovely they do” I was absolutely mortified and shouted at him “ how dare you” he walked away with a smirk on his face! I reported him to my Supervisor, who had a word with him. He came up to me before I left and profusely apologised. He said he didn’t know what had come over him. I was about 26 at the time and he must have been near retirement age! Every time I saw him after that, I felt rage that he thought it was perfectly ok to do it. So, regard’s OP’s incident, I would definitely report, as was a sexual assault.

You've done a Good Thing OP, it can't have been easy.

I hope he's taken to task over it and you're given the respect you deserve by all who were present that night.

Well done OP.

Christ almighty you WERE VIOLATED.

Good for you on reporting this assault. I hope you are OK and sorry you had your night ruined by a prick.

You should have called the police. You did nothing wrong. Call the police now. He assaulted you.

The expectation that women don't make a fuss about rape apology or sexual assault is exactly why OP felt the needs to ask about the situation that occurred.

We are all billy big balls when being sexually assaulted, but polite little girls when dealing with the attitudes that led to the sexual assault in the first place, are we?

I understand that the OP can't keep talking about this now it's been reported, (I wish people would keep up with a thread, or at least read the OP's following posts) and I sincerely hope she feels more settled now she has made her decision and acted on it.

I find the 'I would have glassed him' comment, ridiculous. You would be charged with ABH if you responded with that sort of violence, I can understand a slap or a knee in the groin, but to scar someone for life is totally wrong.

The thing about incidents like this, and I think the reason many women don't react straight away, often women doubt what they think has happened...was that touch or pressing against me accidental, would I be over reacting if I confront the man?
The poster who mentioned the little old man on public transport, must happen thousands of times....creeps get away with it because they always have, and probably always will.
Thank God my days of getting on buses regularly is no more.

I’ve seen enough bar fights to know what would’ve happened if someone had glassed someone at a family party in a hotel.
Mass brawl with all sorts of pissed up people attacking each other .
The police would’ve piled in and there would’ve been completely uncontrollable reproductions.

I was at a wedding once where a man punched his wife in the face. They were separated and everyone did their best to avoid it upsetting the bride and groom, including the 2 police officers present as guests.

this is normal. People will pile in now saying how terrible that is but real life doesn’t mirror what you think is best when you’re typing on an internet forum.

This type of harassment is rife in everyday life and it is so frustrating that women have been conditioned to accept a normalised level of abuse.

For example I was sitting on a nearly empty bus when an elderly man cane onboard and chose to sit next to me despite there being plenty of other seats available, some of which he had to pass to get to the seat. I was by the window so boxed in. He started by spreading his legs, then leaning his head into my space. All of which was done so gradually that he could feign innocence. I felt so uncomfortable but frozen out of some sort of misguided sense of social etiquette. Eventually I said “excuse me” and pointedly moved seats. There were maybe 2 or 3 people witnessing this but they probably just saw an old man sitting next to a youngish woman despite it being very odd given the vast number of empty seats.

@NovemberMorn

I agree with you generally that glassing people etc and GBH are not the way to go.

However, your post reads (to me) that you expect women to be held to a higher standard of conduct than the gropey man.

He touched her breasts without consent repeatedly in front of her friends and family despite repeated warnings and interventions.

I am curious as to why the the crime or GBH is worse than sexual assault in your mind?

That is just my interpretation of your post. You can correct me if I am wrong.

Not the OP but for me it’s the opposite- the potential for a woman paying a greater cost for reacting to her sexual assault.

abh can be 5 years in prison. GBH with intent (and there would be clear intent here) can be life. Sexual assault, specifically touching without consent, won’t even get a charge - we all know that. If it is prosecuted it could be as little as 6 months with a max of 10 years.

so imagine the victim of an assault who reacts (in an objectively excessive, unreasonable manner) ending up in prison for 5 years whilst the grabber walks free. Imagine?!!?

Presumably the OP, in fact the vast majority of women ime, do have a higher code of conduct than pervy little men who think it's their right to openly sexually abuse women.

There is no need to glass someone in the face, no normal person wants to resort to that sort of violence, it would harm them as much as the person they are glassing, imo. Also as a previous poster pointed out, it would end in a violent free for all....who wants to be involved in that sort of fracas?

The way the OP has dealt with it is good...the majority of advice she has been given is good, and hopefully the police will take this sexual assault seriously.

Far more satisfying than the OP having to bloody her hands.

@Bambamhoohoo ah i see.

The whole thing feels very unfair to me though. Intrinsically. Being sexual assaulted is something that will stay with the victim, probably affect mental health, other relationships, perhaps intimacy in relationships, necessitate counselling.

Him having a scar on his face seems mild
to me!

What are women actually supposed to do to defend themselves?

You could punch him in the face though couldn’t you? If so inclined. What you can’t do is grab a weapon and scar someone for life (and potentially do much more serious damage than that)