Very uncomfortable with something that happened at a party

[Biggles27]

At a big black tie party. Fancy expensive hotel. Men all in dj’s, women all dressed up.

sitting at a table with some relatives including grown up dd

a man come up, pushes a ballon into my boobs I try and push him away and he pops it thus copping two handfuls. I’m gobsmacked

he comes in to do it again, I’m pushing him away shouting no. My daughter is up shouting no. He does it again. I go up to him and say there people here are allergic to latex, you are literally risking lives. He laughs and tells me to f off

dh his highly allergic to latex and he’s pushing balloons into faces and boobs

dd looks at me, says are you ok. I realise I’m nearly vomiting and run to the toilets

peopke at the table go and have words with him

dh threatens to go speak to him but I talk him down as I I could see she was beyond anger and I didn’t want him doing anything rash

i can’t see him anymore

i I rejoin table and enjoy chatting

out the blue, there’s a balloon in my face - it’s him again. I’m now so distressed I leave the party and go to my room

hubby is now apoplectic- he knows I have never ever reacted to something like this - I laugh stuff off - redirect wandering hands, deal with stuff without getting hysterical or upset. In 30 years, he’s never seen me like this and keeps saying this is assault, we should call the police - he grabbed your boobs despite you saying no

im told he’s left the party so go back down (I’m not drinking btw)

all good, go to loo and he appears in the foyer

i freeze and run back up to the room and refuse to come back down

ive refused to go to down to breakfast

not sure how I should of handled it - last night I was so distressed I just ran

I am so pleased the younger generation do not put up with this kind of assault. When I was a secretary and waitress in the 1960s 70s and 80s men (solicitors, chefs and all other male employees/bosses) thought we were fair game! I always wore shoes with heels that could hurt. One chef thought he could feel my buttocks when bending down: So I stood up with a lap full of saucers and broke them all. He never did that again. I have so many incidents that I could recall: being inappropriately touched/handled at bus stops, on buses, underground stations and trains etc. I wish the police and guards on trains had taken notice of all these incidents but we were only girls/women and worth nothng.

Just out of interest, and sorry if I have missed it, but how does your husband feel now? Does he think you should report the creep to the police?

Update

dh and I have had a long and very emotional talk (long car journey)

we are reporting him once we’re home (done online these days). He repeated himself three times, the third after two people (men) had spoken to him. Dh wasn’t aware of incidents 1&2 till after they’d happened as he was out the room and dd went and got him He again didn’t witness incident 3

dh fully supports this course of action and will deal with any family drama

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about OP.

That is what I was thinking! I would have punched him. Would I be overacting?:)

his treatment of you is likely one of many sexual assaults on many women, best report him for the sake of others and yourself

Well done for reasoning that you are going to report him. What a bastard.

Your posts describes just what life was like for women and girls in those decades and I have been mauled, groped and assaulted more times than I can recall or rather want to recall. I am so glad that young women and girls can call it out for what it is, but in many ways technology has added another dimension of abuse with images being shared, online stalking, rape threats and all the other horrors of "progress" I have been through so much and that included abuse within my family that I have a diagnosis of CPTSD. A friend of mine survived a horrific attack in the 80's at the hands of a stranger when she was walking home late after a party. The police mocked and disbelieved her and said she had made it up so that her boyfriend would not know she had been with another man at the party. She started using alcohol to cope with the trauma. The drinking destroyed her and she died aged 46.

Good for you. And your DH sounds very supportive. I’m almost glad he didn’t witness it and get physical with this sexual predator as that would have been a good excuse for him to have played victim and your DH would have no doubt suffered some consequences and other people would have been made to feel more comfortable about witnessing this and not intervening by pinning some blame on him no doubt. This way the only person who carries the blame and the shame is the sexual predator who assaulted you. Hopefully the witnesses will feel safe giving a truthful account if they do get questioned, privately, by police. This perpetrator obviously feels he can get away with this in full sight of others. It won’t be the first time, but maybe if dealt with properly it could be the last.
I’m sorry this happened to you. You and your family have dealt with this incredibly well OP, I hope you get the result you deserve from the police.

Just to add to all the support you’re receiving here, a reminder-YOU are not causing the “drama” here. This man sexually assaulted you and HE is the one who has caused any drama/ ruined the event. Please keep reminding yourself of this, especially if you receive any backlash for reporting him.
Thank you for reporting him.

Good for him, it's your decision but it's great to have the support of your husband.
The creep has put you both in a horrible position. You obviously, because you have been sexually assaulted, and in plain sight of others too, which shows what an entitled predatory creep he is.
Your husband, because I think any decent man would be hurt and appalled that some creepy little bastard thought he could treat his wife in such a way and get away with it.
He has disrespected you both.

I’m so very very sorry

You didn’t over react and you didn’t ruin anyone’s night - you weren’t the one behaving ing totally inappropriately. Please report this, for the sake of your daughter, and for the sake of all our daughters.

I’m so sorry your weekend was ruined by a man’s awful behaviour.

I don’t know if you’re projecting or looking for offence where none exists, but let me make this very clear to you; I am not victim blaming in any way, shape or form whatsoever. I don’t think people have a choice in their immediate reaction when something like this happens to them. It’s instinctive. And blaming someone because they froze, or ran, or fawned, or any other fucking thing, rather than fought, is both a stupid and offensive thing to do. The OP said she was feeling guilty that she was over reacting about the whole thing. I was trying to reassure her that her feelings about it were completely valid, she absolutely wasn’t over reacting and that I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had clonked him round the ear with a bottle. I worded it that way (admittedly in a hurry as I had a bowl of soup going cold) because I thought someone was bound to whine about how violence wasn’t the answer. So you can take your accusations of victim blaming and sit on them while you actually read what she wrote, and if you’ve still got a problem with what I said after that, then come back to me and we can have a sensible discussion about it.

Please report to the police as soon as possible.

This will be his MO and will have a history of it. But will rely on victims too shocked to do anything and he can pass it off as fun/accident/drink so he gets away with it

What a fucking horrible man. I’m glad you’re reporting him and as others have said, you haven’t ruined anything, he has. This is entirely on him & him alone.

You are doing the right thing by reporting this vile man OP. Especially as there will probably be a bit of backlash from his friends/ other guests. But you sound strong with a lovely DH and DS, so you’ll be fine. And any backlash just shines a light on them, so just ignore it.

One day he will come across someone with a serious latex allergy, or a woman who has had a mastectomy and the ‘joke’ will be on him. I have both and if he’d done this to me I’d have decked him there and then. Vile behaviour.

You are not overreacting, that should be reported- he touched your body without consent and ignored you saying no. What type of person touches anyone’s body like that without consent anyway but to do it to a stranger , ignoring them saying no and then coming back ! It is absolutely a violation of your personal space and a violation in general. There needs to be a consequence, people need to understand it is not ok to do this .

Anyone who would say different or act as though it’s a bit of fun is part of the problem.

Im sorry this happened to you and I hope you are ok x

It wasn’t you that ruined peoples night - it was the man that assaulted you!

That is completely unacceptable behaviour (even without the latex allergy). I would report to the police. Him being a relative of the host shouldn’t out you off reporting. His behaviour may escalate in future. He deserves at the very least a telling off. It might scare him into not doing similar again.

I’m so so glad you’re going to report this.

May I just say your relative the host will very likely have had an idea that he’s like this if they’ve been friends for many years. They’ve cause the “fuss” by putting him amongst other humans and obviously the twat with balloons has been the major cause of any “fuss” by assaulting you.

strength to your elbow xxx

I’m stewing on something similar right now…

Out for lunch with some gf’s, friend sitting next to me stood up to leave, and man passing her going back to his seat accidentally brushed her bum. She reacted, but laughed it off as an accident, he then decided to also grope mine as he passed me, laughing as he did so and announcing that he “may as well touch 2 bums while he’s at it!”

I wasn’t impressed but had no idea what to do.

Now I feel violated. So sorry you had this repetitively - your experience was worse than mine, for sure. However, I’m really pissed off about it now - what can be done in these cases? Thinking of wearing a few heavy rings when I go out again so I can punch the next asshole that does anything similar and leave marks!

It's easy to say this after reading the OP, but when you're at a social event with friends and family, and something happens out of nowhere, it takes quite a while to flip out of 'nice - sociable - pleasant' mode and into 'fuck you' mode. We're so conditioned to be polite. So please don't make the OP feel bad.