Menu (or other, even!) descriptions that make you cringe

[Serendipetty]

'Creamy' when used to describe mayonnaise. It's eggs and oil.

'Lashings of' as in 'Help yourself to lashings of ketchup' who thinks this stuff up?

Admittedly it is the cheaper places usually but I am not a snob-I love a cheap and cheerful meal, not least because I am a vegan and the chain places are unfortunately far better equipped to cater/have choice.

'On a bed of noodles'. No, no it isn't.

'Smothered with cheese'.Slathered is even worse.

I hate overly descriptive ones too. It's a simple pasta dishI don't need 'this meal will take your cravings away and satiate your hunger until next sunset! Let's try to describe the infused carrot strands, creamy peanut sauce and subtle hint of spice that will send your tastebuds through a door to Narnia!'Just tell me what's in it?!

'A Happy Hint of....' Just what?

Anyway, that's today's rant for me.

Don't read any Enid Blyton....

Or watch Nigella 😁

Me and DH love to hate Estate Agent speke:

'... nestled in a sought-after area ...' NESTLED? A house is not a bloody bird.

'... set betwixt the village and the sea ...' BETWIXT? Sounds like a chocolate bar.

'Rarely available in this area, this house oozes charm and style ...' Ugh. Gooey.

So yeah. All that stuff :)

Lashings of ginger beer! Was it 'lashings'? I can't remember! I did used to love those books. Maybe that's why I feel that this sort of whimsical language belongs in those, rather than on a menu in a cheap 'gastro pub'?

“jus”
even writing it makes me shudder

I don't know why, but if I see the word individual on a menu, I cringe. Individual cottage pie. Individual apple crumble. I hate it!

Any apple crumble is ‘individual’ if you put the effort in, amirite @Fionasapples?!

You're absolutely right, @SoScarletItWas

Pan fried
Oven baked

How else are you supposed to fry or bake things???!!!

Deconstructed. No it isn’t, if it was originally constructed and then you deconstructed it the bits would be all mixed up. What you actually mean is each bit served separately as though our adult guests are toddlers because our chef thought it might look fancier.

Curated. A curated cheeseboard. I kid you not. 😣

Isn’t it pan fried as opposed to deep fried ?

Yes, that too-I mean, the pan one, I understand if it is to differentiate between that and deep fried, but I am sure that isn't the reason at least much of the time.

'Famous' is another one. 'Our famous bread selection'. No.

I have seen 'a jus sauce' at some point in the past that I try to erase from my memory.

That may well be the case 😳

Artisanal, and foam that looks like cuckoo-spit

Not a written description to be fair, but that fad for sprinkling tiny fresh flowers over food has me baffled.

Too much waffle.

Eg. Old spot Kent sausages with thick cut outdoor bred bacon, free range egg and artisanal sourdough bread.

Just say sausage, bacon, egg and toast.

Salads described as ‘’crisp’ and garden-fresh’.

"up and down the country" makes me think of the UK with a great big zipper running down the middle of it.

"Washed down with a nice glass of milk" it wasn't washed down by anything unless you swallowed soapy water!

'Home cooked' annoys me when they clearly just got it out of a packet and stuck it in an oven.

You beat me to it. Such silly expressions.
Also, oven roasted. Where else would you roast something? On a spit with an urchin turning it?

I hate estate agent speak as well @Jaq27!

"unique home" - it's almost certainly not

"Nestled in an acre of private gardens, its strategically elevated position provides spectacular sea-facing views inside and out. Light ripples throughout its 3,000 sq ft of space, which includes four generous bedrooms and a series of cleverly interconnected living spaces.

The house's profile melds traditional forms with a decidedly contemporary outlook; dark-framed glazing punctuates its white exterior, hinting at the brightness that rings within."

Locally sourced, deconstructed, a trio of, a medley of, seasonal veg, seared