Menu (or other, even!) descriptions that make you cringe

[Serendipetty]

'Creamy' when used to describe mayonnaise. It's eggs and oil.

'Lashings of' as in 'Help yourself to lashings of ketchup' who thinks this stuff up?

Admittedly it is the cheaper places usually but I am not a snob-I love a cheap and cheerful meal, not least because I am a vegan and the chain places are unfortunately far better equipped to cater/have choice.

'On a bed of noodles'. No, no it isn't.

'Smothered with cheese'.Slathered is even worse.

I hate overly descriptive ones too. It's a simple pasta dishI don't need 'this meal will take your cravings away and satiate your hunger until next sunset! Let's try to describe the infused carrot strands, creamy peanut sauce and subtle hint of spice that will send your tastebuds through a door to Narnia!'Just tell me what's in it?!

'A Happy Hint of....' Just what?

Anyway, that's today's rant for me.

“Our friends” when referring to suppliers. Eg “coffee from our friends at Overpriced Coffee Roasters”.

I live rurally, so locally sourced would be important to me as I like to support the farmers.

I’ve stopped shopping at Asda because In addition to them taking away the blue light discount, they also have the most cringey description on every single item

crisp sharp apples
juicy tangy clementines

it shouldn’t annoy me as much as it does

Locally sourced and seasonal- fine, that’s informative.

I hate any description that just says what you should be able to assume - eg “fresh bread” (as opposed to stale?) “tasty” or all that gross stuff about lashings, slathered etc- makes me feel a bit sick.

I am also a bit over the minimalist menu- “Trout, potato, watercress 28.5”

Things can have a creamy texture without having cream in them. I'm pretty sure my face cream doesn't have actual cream in it either.

I'm reminded of the late Antonio Carluccio who always used to use good olive oil in his recipes. I never use bad olive oil. Who would?

Totally agree!

Although, this has just made me really want sausage, bacon, eggs and toast.

I was in a restaurant yesterday where a couple of things on the menu were labelled ‘freshly cooked’. It just made me
wonder what they did with everything else on the menu that didn’t have that description!

Creamy 'slaw' or spicy 'slaw'.

It's nearly always fucking coleslaw so just say it! 😡😡

Probably cooked and frozen weeks ago, then heated in the microwave.

Just been to the US recently: "world famous" crops up all over the place. No it ain't because we would have heard of it before going to wherever it is. They mean "known by some people who've seen the advert in it's backyard".

Free range and locally sourced are both useful bits of information to me. Mayonnaise is creamy.

I know what you mean about some of the others.

Estate agent near me..
This exceptional five-bedroom, three-bathroom detached home doesn’t just offer space, it offers togetherness, comfort and a sprinkle of luxury living that makes every day feel like a family reunion.

Medley. Ugh.

Pretentious wedding menus irk me the most, I think. Unless £££ is spent, it's all just mediocre pub food, really.. Or restaurant menus that expand thusly;

A delicate appetiser comprising of tricolore ribboned melon, bouquets of herb infused charcuterie and scattered with toasted dormice

Main: Elegant trio of game fowl smothered in thrice-aged demi glace and pickled walnuts, fermented barley salad and potted brawn with saffron.

Amuse bouche: chef's choice (has previously included salted vole loin, lychee bouillabaisse, or a clear broth with green tea confetti)

Dessert, a cocoa nib and fig geleé imitation coquille st Jacques, shall be presented with miniature fireworks and performative stylised drizzling at your table side by our demure team of Bourgeon Gustatif masters.

Just kidding lol, I'm a right wanker and I'd lap all of that up tbf 😂

I hate it when they 'boast' five bedrooms and 'boast' three bathrooms!

I have no idea why this bothers me so much, but I HATE it when they say "your choice of". Eg, sticky toffee pudding with your choice of custard, cream or ice cream. Just say "with"!

'Curated'

Is it in a museum? No.

This never really struck me before but I'm going to agree. This is really stupid!

”Smothered” chicken makes me think it’s the method of slaughter.

It’s like that maddening estate agent-speak. ‘This property benefits from an entrance hall.’ No, it just has an entrance hall. Just like it has walls and a roof.

I hate ‘dirty’ … dirty burger, dirty fries… I mean come on… it’s food FGS, I don’t want it to be dirty!

This reminds me of my late Grandma who would always tell me to 'Have a nice wash' before I went to bed. Like I was going to have a horrible wash before she reminded me?

'Buttery' when used for things that are not food, like 'buttery soft leggings'. I don't want to feel like I've got butter on my legs!

I loathe "nestled" 🤢