Menu (or other, even!) descriptions that make you cringe

[Serendipetty]

'Creamy' when used to describe mayonnaise. It's eggs and oil.

'Lashings of' as in 'Help yourself to lashings of ketchup' who thinks this stuff up?

Admittedly it is the cheaper places usually but I am not a snob-I love a cheap and cheerful meal, not least because I am a vegan and the chain places are unfortunately far better equipped to cater/have choice.

'On a bed of noodles'. No, no it isn't.

'Smothered with cheese'.Slathered is even worse.

I hate overly descriptive ones too. It's a simple pasta dishI don't need 'this meal will take your cravings away and satiate your hunger until next sunset! Let's try to describe the infused carrot strands, creamy peanut sauce and subtle hint of spice that will send your tastebuds through a door to Narnia!'Just tell me what's in it?!

'A Happy Hint of....' Just what?

Anyway, that's today's rant for me.

Worse than "jus" is a specific meat jus. EG "with chicken jus", or with "beef jus". To me, coo juice is milk.

I think you've missed the point. No one's saying these things shouldn't be available, it's about the way they are worded or described.

I hate companies that call themselves names like The Jolly Hog or The Giggly Pig. I imagine the pigs are anything but Jolly or Giggly on their way to be slaughtered

My gripe is with hairdressers. "Would you like some Product on your hair?".
OK, so let me guess which one of the dozen or so PRODUCTS you have in your window you are going to smear all over my bonce.

Oh my goodness, I've only read the first page and I am crying with laughter at some of these. I agree with most of them being utterly pretentious.

“Pan fried”
Unless it’s deep fried in batter, I’d assume you’re using a pan, rather than say, a soap dish. Tell me about deep frying, i’d say “pan” frying is the default.

Muddled.

Mesclun.

I need to know within which context someone has used 'muddled'! I assume as a verb in a description?

I hate that too. I thought it might be just a vegan thing! And fish and chip shops with a sad fish on the 'closed' side of the sign and a happy one on the other. I mean come on!

The wanky words used at least gives some amusement but the pricing on menus really annoy me eg £10.5. Unless it costs £10 and 5p it's bloody lazy and misleading not to add in another zero.

Cocktails. A Bramble with ‘muddled berries’ ie smashed a bit in the bottom of the glass.

That IS wanky I agree. Usually in establishments with stone floors and OTT decor, trying to sound 'posh' while serving mediocre food.

Another I don't like is puerile 'word plays' such as 'Jamaican me crazy' for a Jamaican dish. OR a very much not-Jamaican dish like a pasta with chicken and pineapple.

And things like 'Death by chocolate'. Just why?

Muddled indeed. Mangled, perhaps!

I just hate the word ‘meal’. Shall we have our main meal, go out for a meal, cheap and easy meals.

The word meal is so ugly it makes me want to gag.

I don't like it either. Mealworms. Dog Meal.

At least muddled is being used correctly. It refers to fruit or the suchlike being pressed in the bottom of the glass.

DH’s family always say ‘evening meal’. They have breakfast and lunch but then oh no, not tea, not dinner - ‘where shall we go for evening meal’, ‘we’ll have curry for evening meal’.

I have no idea why.

Also no idea why it gives me the rage but it does.

But what would it be deep-fried in, if not a pan?

A deep fat fryer?

I mentioned "lashings" on the ick thread the other day. To be honest the main place I see it written is on here. Usually on a thread asking what people are having for their breakfast and it'll be toast with lashings of butter 🤢

I also don't like slaw - just say coleslaw!!

‘Mac and cheese’ - no, It’s ‘macaroni cheese’.

Also a non-slaw fan. The only exception is maybe a slaw-type dish, such as beetroot slaw, ie, using beetroot not cabbage, but for regular coleslaw, it’s coleslaw.

(Passed a van yesterday that said ‘Civil Engineers’. I know it referred to the type of engineer they are, but I thought to myself, you wouldn’t want an ‘Uncivil’ Engineer!).

Hand cut - er, who cares.

I hate crispy or crunchy, it makes me think of cornflakes and I hate earthy it makes me think of mud.

Also hand picked, because my dad always joked they didn’t use their feet.

Mumsnet food speak

*Massive salad - unless you're serving an entire allotment, I don't think this is even possible.
*Bulk it out with (insert random ingredient)
*The Mum who claimed if her children were having a burger she'd put (something like) lettuce and a slice of tomato in to 'balance it out'........okaaaay

Another random one.

I think the only people who 'pad' around their apartments are the female protagonists in beach read, chic lit novels. I've never padded anywhere, in or outside of my apartment.