Menu (or other, even!) descriptions that make you cringe

[Serendipetty]

'Creamy' when used to describe mayonnaise. It's eggs and oil.

'Lashings of' as in 'Help yourself to lashings of ketchup' who thinks this stuff up?

Admittedly it is the cheaper places usually but I am not a snob-I love a cheap and cheerful meal, not least because I am a vegan and the chain places are unfortunately far better equipped to cater/have choice.

'On a bed of noodles'. No, no it isn't.

'Smothered with cheese'.Slathered is even worse.

I hate overly descriptive ones too. It's a simple pasta dishI don't need 'this meal will take your cravings away and satiate your hunger until next sunset! Let's try to describe the infused carrot strands, creamy peanut sauce and subtle hint of spice that will send your tastebuds through a door to Narnia!'Just tell me what's in it?!

'A Happy Hint of....' Just what?

Anyway, that's today's rant for me.

A local restaurant offers “Chicken Snitty Caesar Salad”.

I will never eat there.

We refuse to eat in any place that has a bull 💩 menu written like this. Also, any menu with pricing that says 9.5 rather than £9.50. These places are also bad value. In fact we avoid eating out now at all thanks to the doubling of prices since covid. 2 years ago we went to eat at a friend's favourite pub. A sausage in a roll with some garnish on the plate was £9.50 when previously was a still rip off £5.

Just re reading some old Observer restaurant reviews and remembered how I loath things that 'sit atop' other stuff. < boak >.
death stares Jay Rayner

Hand cooked as opposed to cooking with your feet or some other part of thee body.

Organic Well Water?

Ulta Virgin Olive Oil?
Made from single olives that are grown on their own tree. And have never touched another olive even in the pressing process

And sold in tiny glass jars the size of sewing thimbles.

Further to my last post.

How about Devilled Kidney.
All offal is the work of the Devil as far as l am concerned.

And should only be eaten by the French who seem to think that it all offal is delicious. and can made into speciality dishes.

Sacre Bleu!!!

🇫🇷👹🫔🫕

@SoScarletItWas

Similar…
my in-laws have breakfast, lunch and then ‘THE meal’..

as in - what shall we have for THE meal, are you ready for THE meal….

I just say dinner!

@FedUpWithBriiiiick I read that as Snotty.

Signs in shops in the run-up to Christmas hanging from the ceiling (over the aisles full of random shit to buy people when you can't think of anything they'd rather have) which read:

GIFTING

😠

I’ve twice been caught out by “pomme purée”. When I went to school pomme was French for apple. If you wanted to talk about potatoes you called them “pommes de terre”

‘whipped butter’

You're remembering right but pommes purée is normal on french menus for mashed potatoes. Or just purée. See also pommes frites and pommes dauphenoise - both potato not apple dishes. Pommes de terre is often shortened to pommes on menus.

Whatever do they call apple sauce?

Sorry but this is sometimes necessary. Waiters can’t always translate what is on the menu into English.

Compote de pomme

"Dirty", "smothered" or "loaded". Yuck they all sound horrible.

Anything with the word 'smash' in the description.

‘Loaded’ always suggests a dirty nappy to me.

My dh, who doesn’t read mn to my knowledge, brought up today that he’s always impressed by ‘Italian coffee’ because he considers the Italy label makes it sound of higher quality, but it actually means nothing at all.

I think they were putting various types of 'foam' on fancy dishes for a while.

Back in the 80s when 'bar meals' started becoming popular, my Auntie would always order Chicken Kev. It was quite a while before I discovered the real pronunciation. 😂

artisan or artisanal and curated

Not quite the same, but I hate people saying ‘full fat coke’, it’s full sugar Coke. There’s no fat in Coke

As per previous posters:

slaw - no, coleslaw!

mac and cheese - no, macaroni cheese!

And also:

sides - no, side dishes!!

Grrrr! 😡

Are you always literal? It's a bit of a joke saying "full fat coke". Sugar the body doesn't use is stored as fat.

We were talking about this while we were in Greece eating out. Their menu just said ‘Sea Bass’ and you just get what you’re given with it as it never said. We used to guess, and were often completely wrong 🤣

Sumptuous or succulent anything. They just sound sort of wet and dirty to me… can’t describe why.

Also restaurants that list ingredients without saying what form they’re in/what’s been done to them so you can’t really imagine what the dish is or how big it’ll be