Menu (or other, even!) descriptions that make you cringe

[Serendipetty]

'Creamy' when used to describe mayonnaise. It's eggs and oil.

'Lashings of' as in 'Help yourself to lashings of ketchup' who thinks this stuff up?

Admittedly it is the cheaper places usually but I am not a snob-I love a cheap and cheerful meal, not least because I am a vegan and the chain places are unfortunately far better equipped to cater/have choice.

'On a bed of noodles'. No, no it isn't.

'Smothered with cheese'.Slathered is even worse.

I hate overly descriptive ones too. It's a simple pasta dishI don't need 'this meal will take your cravings away and satiate your hunger until next sunset! Let's try to describe the infused carrot strands, creamy peanut sauce and subtle hint of spice that will send your tastebuds through a door to Narnia!'Just tell me what's in it?!

'A Happy Hint of....' Just what?

Anyway, that's today's rant for me.

I suggest a thesaurus of your not sure what sumptuous and succulent mean. I'm also wondering what else you've been reading?!

It wasn’t a case of him specifying which chicken dish he wanted out of several available on the menu - that would be fair enough. It was more that there would be one chicken dish on the menu and he would read out the entire description - “I’ll have the pan fried corn fed chicken thighs with tasty potatoes, organic mushrooms and red wine sauce”.

We lived in Oz in the early noughties - everything was described as gourmet - sometimes Cordon Bleu, it usually meant the food was going to be shit.
Apart from that, anyone describing food as "absolutely divine".

‘Slaw’

’Smashed’

‘Fully loaded’ even worse

Potato skins have that title do they not? Ugh. Reminds me of a man 'shooting his load' 😖 or a gun!

‘Seasonal vegetables’ it’s always the same thing.

Yes, I hate medley so much! Double Ugh.

Agreed, eggy and oily wouldn’t be particularly appetising.

When people or chefs say that they fried something off.

We used to call that shallow frying.

I too hate 'pan fried' and 'oven baked'.

Sourced, 'Our ingredients are sourced from local...' People used to buy things, now they 'source' them.

On the subject of full fat coke, I have seen a display in a college with lists of high fat foods and low fat foods, coke (which has no fat) was in the high fat column.

🤔

I was going to set up a roadside catering van serving only spit roasted hog baps.

Is it a bad idea?

What's the best thing to do with my urchin now?

He's costing me a fortune in table scraps and I can't return him.

Don’t you have a handy chimney to send him up @Chiseltip?

’All the trimmings’. Bleh!

Yes! I have never understood why this phrase irrationally enrages me, but it absolutely does!

When a drink comes with "ice and a slice". The word "slice" irrationally annoys me! I similarly don't like "slice of cake". It's a piece of cake 😁

When I worked in a bar, a wanky customer used to ask for a Bombay Sapphire & tonic with all the vegetables - every. fucking. day. He never got bored with it and he always giggled when he said it. I really wanted to tell him how bloody tedious he was.

I hate "edit" as a noun, when they mean selection and "curated" when they mean what someone chose rather than for an exhibition or similar. Urgh.

One place we used to go to had 'seasonable vegetables '. Still the same things!

Menus that say

Beef. Carrot. Thyme. 21

what IS IT?!

If anything on the menu is 'deconstructed', I want to eat somewhere else.

Carrots, peas and broccoli.

Oh I don’t know…you’ve made it sound much more appealing to me! 😊

My late Auntie used to describe a bath as a: nice bath and hair-wash.

I say it to my son now.

In my local restaurant they serve of the menu Dirty fries 🍟 or Dirty Coleslaw .Why do that ! Lol