The psychology behind peoples WhatsApp settings

[lovenotwar149]

SoI have WhatsApp and you can see my 'last seen' etc
I have a few contacts that have hidden this so when I msg them I cannot see when they were last online nor do the ticks go blue when they have read my message. The only time I see 'online' with these contacts is if they reply to my message and start typing when I am messaging them.

Why do you think ppl have their 'last seen' hidden? I find it suspicious tbh

Mine is hidden because I'm a bit embarrassed that I regularly stay up quite late - like 12am or even 1am. People can see that by the "last online" thing. I don't mind them seeing the blue ticks.

Why suspicious? These people have set a higher privacy threshold than you, that's all. It's nothing personal.

I have no idea if my “last seen” is on or off. I don’t care either way. I suppose I could do a google search to figure out how to check it, but I can’t be bothered!

Exactly this. I had a friend who would pick me up on it, so I changed it

You can’t stop people seeing if you’ve read a message in a group. Therefore, if I know one of those messages is a request, ie, see it as it comes in, I have to avoid opening the group what’s app, unless I particularly want to do that thing that is required by someone, or it doesn’t matter I am not personally responding to it.
So turning off last seen, works for 1:1 chats for this, and avoids me appearing to ignore the message - whether a request or not - some folk do get sad if they think you read and didn’t bother to answer - it’s not really not bothering (mostly!) it’s just doing it when it’s more convenient, and I don’t wish to upset anyone.
Some people seem to like ‘last seen’ as a way of checking if they’ve been ignored, particularly in relationships, and it just causes the checker stress they don’t need - of course I’m sure some turn it off to avoid ‘being seen’ in relationship type stuff but you will have other markers in a relationship that tell you what’s going on without what’s app functions.

I know a manager who openly talks about when his staff were last online and how long they take to check their messages from the manager. The manager uses it as a test to how committed they are to the job and talks disparagingly about staff who don’t check messages first thing in the morning.

I think the manager is a arse but I can see why people block such data and I agree that they should block it. No one needs to know this information about you.

Agree with lots of others - having last seen causes a layer of stress/feeling ignored that just isn't necessary. I've encouraged my kids to turn off last seen/location settings etc on everything too - I think that layer of privacy is worth preserving (even if I'd quite like to know if they've seen my messages sometimes!). I too am careful not to open group chats because I know you can see if I've read and not responded.

I have my online status hidden to a select few friends, quite simply because they had a hissy fit when I didn't reply to a message as my last seen was after their message.

I can't always reply straight away to messages but may reply to a quick or urgent message.

Personally, it's a red flag to me, if friends are checking my online status and whinging I haven't replied because I happened to have been online.

Curious as to why you want to see someone's online status?

I just left everything on the default setting, thankfully I have nobody overly controlling in my life who would hound me over a blue tick - I think if someone has the setting on, it probably says that they know someone who is controlling, more so than them being paranoid.

The only setting I change is going in and disabling all the notifications about statuses and whatever pointless thing. And mute all groups.

Mine is on as it’s the default and not bothered enough to change it but people use it as a tool to be mad about not responding immediately. I never think it’s odd if someone has turned it off though. Maybe they don’t like to be monitored for whatever reason ‘oh you said you were busy but you’ve been on WhatsApp’ etc

'Suspicious' and 'a mini red flag', seriously? 🤔

Not rtft but I have mine hidden for the same reason pps have mentioned i.e. people who see I am online and expect me to reply immediately. I also has a friend who has a habit of calling me if she can see I'm online and it's often inconvenient.

I suppose because I grew up with MSN messenger etc it was quite normal on that to see when someone was last online.

I don't find it intrusive but then I rarely ever look to see when someone was last online, the only time I would do this is if I texted someone I haven't spoken to in a while and they didn't reply, I might clock the last online and realise oh it's an old number or whatever.

I don’t have time to reply sometimes, or need more time to consider the message. I don’t like the pressure of having to reply.

This is so weird to me as well - I use whatsapp as basically my default text app. So "being on whatsapp" could be me sending a 3 second text to DH "What time are you back today?" or "Can you pick up milk on the way home" - that doesn't mean that I have time to read, absorb and respond to a five-paragraph emotionally heavy message from someone who is going through a crisis, or the headspace to figure out some kind of logistical answer to another friend who wants to plan something.

Those are different things, and it's entirely possible that anybody would be using whatsapp in a similar way.

An ex used it to check up on me. Why was I online late at night? He accused me of all sorts and turned it off shortly before dumping him and blocking him.

It's not sinister, or a red flag for someone not to want people to know the last time they checked WhatsApp. I'll reply to your message if I want to, and when I want to

I have my last seen hidden because I dont always have the bandwidth to converse with my DM, and I have to psych myself up for it. If she knows I've been on WA and deliberately not responded to her it'll cause tension.

I have family in other countries so I like having “last seen” on so I can see if they’re awake/online if I need to call them, or just put my mind at rest that they’re ok. I also like to know if someone’s read my message e.g. if I’m running late or ask my partner to do something I can see the person has opened the message even if they haven’t acknowledged it. I don’t care who knows when I’m online or have read their message, I’ll stay up late if I want to and reply when it suits me.

It doesn’t bother me that much what settings other people have unless it’s my family for reasons above. But I found it weird when I was on dating apps because it’s really easy to ghost with all the settings turned off, someone could potentially just block you and you’d barely realise

Agreed

It's not natural for everyone in the world to be able to access us and demand our immediate attention and response at any time. It's overwhelming for a lot of people, I think that's normal, not suspicious at all.

People used to have to either be or travel to where you live (slowly, by walking or horseback), or send letters, for thousands of years, I think mobiles and all these demands are burning people out.

Absolutely 100% this

Mine is hidden and I have the grey ticks because my staff don’t think twice about texting me when I’m not in work so I don’t want them to see if I’ve read it or I’m online.

Think she's just trying not to take things seriously as it seems everyone here so far is. She's matching the rudeness and aggression she's receiving with a lighthearted idgaf attitude instead.

Good for her.

See it as privacy, not secrecy. It's just setting boundaries online.

By the way, it's also okay for people to keep their own secrets from you or anyone. They don't owe you their lives.

No one can see my last seen or when I’m online. Due to someone in my life in the past thinking it was ok to question everything. Solves that problem and no pressure. Also means I can’t see anyone else’s. I do not need to stalk my friends we are all busy.

Agreed. Ironic isn't it? Talking about people not stalking us on whatsapp. I can't stand when posters do that here for no reason. Very creepy behaviour. Perhaps we should also have the privacy option on here too. Lol