Need to restructure our social life now DH has a medical condition.

[Clustershower]

My DH has recently had a health issue that has resulted in him being advised that he needs to eat low fat and avoid alcohol.

I know it sounds like such a first world problem but after raising our children and now having a comfortable income we loved nothing better than eating out, drinking nice wines, having lovely holidays where we’d spend ages looking at different places to eat nice meals and drinks.

Our whole social life revolved around this, it’s all we know!

There’s definitely going to be a period of adjustment but I feel almost cheated now that we can’t really do this any more. I feel I’ve had my enjoyment taken away too as I would feel too guilty to eat and drink what I liked if he can’t.

He’s not the type to expect me to deny myself but it doesn’t seem fair.

Has anyone else had this, it’s not the end of the world but I have to admit I do feel sad about it all.

In the nicest way, you’re being very dramatic.

DH has to watch what he eats and eat a specific diet and it’s honestly made absolutely no difference to our social lives or where we go.

Why can you not go out to eat? Just spend ages choosing the lower fat items, go out ever so slightly less, eat super healthy at home then allow a rare splurge once in a while/even once a week.

cant help on the wine front though!

can you think of new things to do like finding delicious and unusual but low fat things for a picnic and go to all sorts of places - hike, picnic in the back of your car at a beauty spot, cycle and picnic, hire a boat on the canal for a day etc?

Low fat as in healthy eating low fat? Or something more? If the former then perfectly possible to eat out and socialise. Same with not drinking

You can still do that but he chooses the low fat options on the menu, such as fish and veg or a salad, which most decent restaurants have.

Also, you can have a drink.

I totally get why you feel like that, food and drink it completely central to how we socialise, celebrate and come together with people.

In the short term, as you get used to it, why don’t you have a think about somewhere like turkey or Morocco for your next holiday? Although alcohol is available it’s much less ubiquitous and much less central to culture because so many locals don’t drink. Choose somewhere small and friendly and local run to stay rather than a glossy hotel.

Food wise I think that you can still eat some amazing food if you’re going for low fat. Pick holidays by the sea so that you can eat fresh grilled or bbq fish, for example.

Kindly, you need to get a grip. He hasn’t been told he’s deathly allergic to restaurants or holidays, he’s been told to make sensible menu choices. 90% of your dining/holiday experience can remain entirely unchanged…

Ah I know it seems so selfish and self obsessed, I think I’m kind of grieving the way we did things. He’s had a pancreas issue and so it’s imperative that he keeps to a low fat diet and alcohol is completely off the menu - this is the kicker really as we loved nothing better than sharing a nice bottle of wine.

We just need to do different things now, I know he can eat out and choose low fat but it all feels a bit 😒. At the end of the day I want him to remain fit and healthy and in all honesty it’s probably how we should be eating / not drinking for health anyway. Just feels a bit joyless.

You need to reframe the idea that the only way you can have fun is to drink alcohol and eat high fat food.

There are loads of amazing, healthy menu options out there and tons of lovely non-alcoholic cocktails and drinks to try.

Op this is a bit much. He can be allocated driver from now on, so this is a win I would say

There are so many lovely alcohol free drinks now. This must be a massive disappointment but it honestly won’t stop you from eating out. We don’t drink and one of us has a food intolerance now that has developed and we still eat out regularly and really enjoy it. We also have eating out as a focus on holiday and I can honestly say once you get used to it that eating out is even more of a pleasure as it’s hard to cook healthy and tasty food at home but I find that when out the use of spices and herbs and fish and seafood I couldn’t get hold of easily mean it’s a joy and easier.

The alcohol free aperol spritz at most places now is just lovely and Erdinger or Lucky Saint A free is good.

Take care x

Not drinking isn’t joyless at all. I haven’t drunk alcohol for years, I still go out to restaurants and have a nice meal and a nice time.

I say this with kindness.. you need the give yourself a bloody good shake!

There are definitely low fat options for food.

On the drinking I have a bit more sympathy as it is a change, if you are used to both being slightly merry when out.

My dh had to stop drinking and actually drinking on your own is a totally different experience. I mean you can enjoy one nice glass of wine for flavour still. But my dh was different to chat to sober compared to a few glasses down. He was less whimsical? And he certainly didnt want to be chatting to me if i have o more than a glass of wine as i get silly. It was boring for him. I dont drink either now basically.

@Clustershower I get this and agree that our social life would be turned upside down if we couldn't go out for drinks, have takeaways, etc. It does sound pathetic but if that's what you're used to then it's hard!

I’ve been alcohol free for medical reasons for about 14 years now.

there’s a lot of no alcohol alternatives these days. The alcohol free gin is bloody amazing. Alcohol free beer is pretty good. The alcohol free wine is improving.

low fat and nice food is completely do able.

for a while I started drinking lots of different types of teas as an alcohol alternative. There’s a lot out there and they are interesting to try.

most Far Eastern foods can be made low fat very easily and there’s much less of a culture of alcohol consumption over there - more mango/lassi/coconut/tea etc.

maybe try travelling in Vietnam/Thailand etc?

We have similar approaches. Holidays are about food wine and activities. This summer we were sailing and I was (secretly) on Mounjaro. I had the odd glass of wine and ate a lot less than usual, but he didn’t mind and could see I was taking my diet seriously. He had a few beers and ate what he wanted. I’d maybe try a bite. And actually quite enjoyed fizzy water and the odd Diet Coke.

Dont stress about it. You’ll adapt. Sorry about the health worries though.

You kept being on Mounjaro a secret from your husband?

I think you probably need to just go out together and see that you still have a great time and enjoy the experience. You’re thinking to much about what you believe will be downsides and catastrophising it.

I never started drinking again after being pregnant 12 years ago, because I realised I hadn’t missed it so didn’t bother. I had to drastically change my diet last year when I was diagnosed with T2 diabetes and I still enjoy a good meal out I just pick different options from the menu.

Im still there with people I like, in an environment I like, having good conversations so literally the only difference is that my plate has broccoli on it instead of fries.

Having had severe pancreatis believe me I would far rather be alive and on a low fat diet with no alcohol than back in HDU. Remind yourself by encouraging your DH to stick with low fat options and none alcoholic drink choices you are sparing him a literal world of pain and illness. Pancreas flare ups can kill so it is worth the effort to reduce risks.

Most places that serve food have low fat options and offer a range of none alcoholic drinks. Just read through menus before booking. I still eat out but maybe with more thought and care.
Take picnics on days out.
Consider self catering holidays in places you love OR look for places that offer a traditional Mediterranean fare rather than the English abroad deep fried options.

Give yourself time for this new normal to settle on you as you adjust to the life you have rather than the life you thought you would have.

TBH most people find the food and drink they enjoyed in their 30s and 40s makes you tired and seedy in your 50s and 60s. It’s okay to change what you eat and drink over time in response to what your body needs to stay as healthy and active for as long as you can.

It will be okay.

Thanks all for your kind replies. I do recognise that this really isn’t the end of the world. He’s alive and well and we are fortunate that we can still do all we enjoy, just slightly less extravagantly.

I think a lot of it is the unknown at the moment. He had an ‘out the blue’ attack of pancreatitis and we don’t know what really caused it. We’re being very careful to try not to have it happen again.

I hear you. We have had to make major adjustments to accommodate DH health constraints and I think it’s absolutely fair to allow yourself to grieve for what might have been.

finding a new focus, ideally something that takes a bit of effort and learning to do well can really help. Bridge, golf are anything really. Partner dancing can be good, too. You find a lifestyle where food just isn’t the focus it used to be. I miss those days, it’s just not he same when you look at a menu and need to be careful. You can of course enjoy a meal but it wouldnt just have the same appeal

finding new interests was the way forward for us. Hope you find what works for you. The improved health is then just a bonus.

Honestly you can still do everything you used to, go out for dinner, he can have grilled fish, seafood, chicken, salads, veg, beef, pork etc you can still have a large glass of wine or two. The fact he’s not eating high fat food or drinking doesn’t change anything, you just need to adapt.

i was on weight loss injections to lose weight, now in maintenance, staying on a low dose, my husband and I continued to do as we always had done. So for example last weekend we went out for dinner to a lovely restaurant, I had the garlic king prawns, to start and mussels for my main with a side salad,, and two large glasses of rose, he was driving so had soft drinks, but he had fattier food , calamari and moussaka, we still sat for as long as we usually would, chatted and enjoyed ourselves as much as we usually would, consuming a lot of wine or eating high fat foods doesn’t change the dynamic. And it’s not less extravagant, you just make healthy choices,and there is no reason you can’t drink if he doesn’t. There is no reason you can’t eat high fat foods if he doesn’t.

i think maybe you’re panicking and being a bit dramatic to be honest,

Crikey I expected you to say the condition was life limiting. Or a limb had to be amputated. You are being very melodramatic. Low fat doesn't have to mean no taste. If you have a good income why not hire a private chef / nutrionist to come with meals and recipes for you? Take cooking lessons together.

This. Being sober hasn’t stopped my enjoyment of dining out, and it’s possible do it fairly low fat. And providing he’s usual low fat, I imagine the odd bit won’t hurt.

I've had to dramatically change my life, far more than your DH to the extent that I can't get travel insurance at the moment and can't walk far. If I 'only' had your DH's changes to make, it would be a dramatic improvement on where I am now.

Giving up alcohol and eating a Mediterranean diet isn't difficult. Use it as an opportunity to try new recipes and destinations.

Perhaps focus on 5* spa/wellness places where you can walk or cycle rather than spend much of your time eating and drinking. And/or places where you can learn a new skill - painting, photography, dancing, a language.

Most of all, count your blessings, don't focus on the past