Need to restructure our social life now DH has a medical condition.

[Clustershower]

My DH has recently had a health issue that has resulted in him being advised that he needs to eat low fat and avoid alcohol.

I know it sounds like such a first world problem but after raising our children and now having a comfortable income we loved nothing better than eating out, drinking nice wines, having lovely holidays where we’d spend ages looking at different places to eat nice meals and drinks.

Our whole social life revolved around this, it’s all we know!

There’s definitely going to be a period of adjustment but I feel almost cheated now that we can’t really do this any more. I feel I’ve had my enjoyment taken away too as I would feel too guilty to eat and drink what I liked if he can’t.

He’s not the type to expect me to deny myself but it doesn’t seem fair.

Has anyone else had this, it’s not the end of the world but I have to admit I do feel sad about it all.

Op your being very dramatic for what is just a diet change. I was expecting something like cancer or a amputation.
My son is limited with his diet cant eat to much fat and he lives a really good life. Kindly yabu and its a bit sad your life evolves around drinking & eating maybe this is a good thing.

I do get it op, I would be in a similar position if we had similar news in that eating is a lot of what we do, I have had to cut back on alcohol as it makes me feel ill these days, but still enjoy a glass thankfully. My go to non alcoholic is fruit cider as it’s tastes the same as the alcoholic version, Clear Head is my favourite non alcoholic ale, widely available in this area and worth enquiring about if not stocked at favourite non chain places. Never found a non wine I liked alas. I often suggest places where food and drink aren’t the main event and we’ve had a few picnics (including evening on the beach) through the summer, going on the motorbike alcohol is very much off the menu even as a pillion for safety so you can’t be tempted.

Calm down! You can still go out to eat just chose wisely

I get you. It is a 1st world issue but it's still a shift/change to adjust to.

I had to start a long term treatment last November and I cannot drink any alcohol. And other side effects include lack of appetite, nausea and bowel issues.

I wasn't a big drinker but I have missed a walk to the pub with the dog and a gorgeous white wine - oooh all chilled with condensation on a summers evening.

Meeting friends in the pub - I can obviously go but it gets a little dull being the designated driver and soft drinks do get boring. In our village meeting at the pub is an easy go to.

I miss eating out to celebrate family occasions.

It is a shift in lifestyle. My DP likes to have a couple of pints a week and go out to the pub with friends.

So join me in more cooking, longer dog walks, going to pilates, the gym, trying to find a non-boring soft drink.

I don’t think you’re being overly dramatic, you acknowledged it’s a first world problem, and it is a big change to your lifestyle.

i agree with PPs tho, you need to reframe.

A colleague of mine died very suddenly at a relatively young age last week. Remind yourself you’re lucky your DH has had a warning and the chance to do something about it. a life without wine but with him is probably preferable to the alternative.

As you can now drive to places , take the opportunity to explore restaurants a little further afield, and more expensive ones as you won’t be paying the ridiculous amount restaurants charge for wine.

Treat yourself to a night out with a friend every now and then so you can enjoy an unrestricted meal with wine.

i do get it disappointing when nice plans change / you feel a bit robbed

Agree with @OMGitsnotgood

But any decent restaurant will accommodate this....
Look at it differently
There's no reason you cant go wherever you are going and he has a tonic water and a chicken clear salad with no dressing or dressing on the side...Or grilled fish and steamed vegetables.
Let.him be the designated driver.
I wouldnt martyr myself for him...

This is quite a minor change really.

I don’t understand how this will affect you. Aside from ordering a glass of wine rather than a bottle. You eat and drink what you want.

He is the one who will be eating more healthily and avoiding alcohol. Do you usually order the same food?

If you feel this strongly, maybe you could order the healthy food too and quit alcohol? Would that help?

There's no reason you cant go wherever you are going and he has a tonic water and a chicken clear salad with no dressing or dressing on the side...Or grilled fish and steamed vegetables

Oh dear, if this was me and this was the food on offer, I'd rather stay in 😬

It's a pain, but you will soon get used to it. I am now dairy and gluten intolerant in my early 50s, having eaten both all my life. It is very inconvenient. Going out to eat is hard (there are gluten free options and non-dairy options but not many things are both). I can still drink (though not most beers), but tbh I'd swap booze for being able to eat gluten and/or dairy in a heartbeat. It will become the new normal, and he will still find enjoyment in eating good food.

But you'd still have to be eating low fat at home! With dietary restrictions (unless due to potentially fatal allergies), you soon realise that it's better to get used to the restriction but still go out and enjoy going to a restaurant with your friends or family, rather than stay at home and sulk!

But he'd have to eat the same kinds of food if he stayed in anyway - so may as well enjoy the atmosphere of being out and having someone else cook for you.

There are also loads of low-fat options that aren't plain salad or grilled fish.

Years ago l had a diet problem changing things about , l at 82 am still here , don't make it dramatic just switch over , l still go to restaurants and they cater for all types of diet , l do have a more fish , chicken , restaurant meal do it slowly , has your husband/ partner been stopped drinking 🍸 or can he have some now and then ,even that can be coped with ,enjoy life and just be carefull what you eat according to his or your medical condition, l have had mine for 18 years it's just a change

It's an adjustment, give yourselves time to find a new normal. I wouldn't do something completely different, but maybe seek out restaurants that have something else going for them, like scenic or unusual, or live music. Or find some high end low fat cooking classes you could do together. I guess his adjustment is key, and I would take his lead.

I struggle with comprehending this, as for me going out is about more than I need to eat fatty food, many restaurants serve delicious grilled fish or seafood and veg, and we go for more than the food, but the social side and the atmosphere. I get we are all different, but I do find I’d rather stay in if I can’t eat fatty food a little unusual

Salads are great.
He is now the designated driver.
He can enjoy how much you enjoy the booze.
You'll get thru this. x

Yes, but I eat steamed fish, chicken, salad, veg all week at home. One day at the weekend is for a night off where I can drink wine and eat what I want (not counting calories, carbs, etc.)

TBH, we don't go out to eat that much as prefer days/nights in the pub with friends. This is what I'd struggle with more. An alcohol free drink (however nice) isn't the same as sitting with your friends getting merry, putting the world to rights.

You don't need alcohol to do that.

Maybe it's because I don't drink anymore due to medication, but I find it really odd that people feel like they can't have fun without it. My social life is no worse now that I can't drink alcohol.

I would recommend making the new diet part of the entertainment too, we have been exploring new cuisines and trying out loads of new restaurants to fit in with my new diet.

Hot Pot is a new firm favourite, if you haven’t tried it you have a big bubbling pot of broth/soup on the table with a heating element beneath it, you choose what flavour you want this to be then you order loads of different things to put in it and cook right there at the table. Lots of different vegetables, thin slices of beef, prawns, rice cakes, noodles…..

Other new favourites include Tapas, Turkish, Greek and Lebanese. Previously we were quite stuck in our ways and tended towards American diner, English carvery, Italian/pizza or Chinese restaurants. It’s been great fun trying out new foods and discovering new flavours.

I can empathise to a lesser extent as DH has recently been advised to try and control his osteoarthritis. He is someone who tends to take things to extremes anyway, so a recent holiday was spent with him putting restaurant choices into copilot and perusing best options to eat from a health perspective, which somewhat took the shine off things.

If possible I would advise trying to find other things to do together. Get a cinema membership and/or a theatre one if not too expensive. DH and I also go walking together and do parkrun- although he is much faster than me. It’s good to try and replace the meals out with something enjoyable.

He had an ‘out the blue’ attack of pancreatitis
I had this happen to me it was gallstones. Has he been diagnosed with gallstones. After going on a low fat diet and no alcohol my pancreas went back to normal. Had my gallbladder out then I could eat and drink again
.

Mum had a pancreas problem almost 10 years ago that is still being managed. She eats a mainly Mediterranean diet now (lots of veg, not much red meat, fresh fish etc). She has the occasional glass of wine or (as when in Greece last week Mastica) but mainly things like Schloer juices.

Dad still drinks whatever he wants; it hasn’t really stopped how they socialise although it did for the first few months while they got used to it.

They holiday in Greece - the food is phenomenal, there’s plenty of choice for both of them and alcohol isn’t an issue.

Good luck with this, & best wishes to your hubby

I also empathise OP.

Diagnosed last year as lactose- and gluten-intolerant (the dietary requirements that so many people seem to think are made-up). At home, we've now made the necessary adjustments (mostly 3x more expensive ingredients) and eat very much as we did before.

But eating out is an absolute pita. I have to Google the restaurant first, check out its menu... quite often we have to then give up on the idea of going, as they make it clear they can't feed me safe food. Usually it's not clear from the menu though, so I have to email them and ask them to clarify, then give up on the idea of going. A restaurant that states loud and clear that it can provide gluten-free is a wonderful thing.

Realising that we can no longer eat at our previously-favourite restaurant was a bit upsetting. They had the "all effort to avoid contamination but can't guarantee" get-out on their menu and I was ill for a week after we chanced it. We'd been going there for 20 years.

Friends' and family's houses are now a nightmare too. I usually try not to bang on about my dietary requirements but it's put me in so many positions of having to decline offers of food, which can often come across as unfriendly or snobby, especially if its homemade. Even checking if the food is safe often puts people's backs up. On one occasion a very kind friend baked me a fabulous-looking lactose-free cake which I had to decline because it had gluten in. I felt so ungrateful and awkward and also quite sad about not being able to eat the lovely-looking cake. It was mortifying, not least because kind friend was also mortified.

So I think I get where you're coming from OP. It's not that low-fat food can't be delicious or that sober conversation can't be funny or meaningful or soul-reviving, it's the loss of being able to say "This place here looks good, let's try it" or "Garlic bread? Don't mind if i do" or "Wow this red smells amazing." So some sensual pleasure and spontaneity and food being a connection with other people. It's OK to feel sad about that.

Thanks all, no gallstones were found so they don’t know what caused the pancreatitis unfortunately, this makes it all the harder as we’re nervous of it happening again.
You lose the spontaneity of calling somewhere that looks nice and having a steak or something nicer than you’d usually eat at home.
Even going for a coffee and a cake is off the menu now. British menus are all geared toward high fat high carb foods.
it will be easier on holiday but we will lose that nice chilled feeling in of sitting with a bottle of wine and relaxing.

Why can’t he have steak?

Even going for a coffee and a cake is off the menu now. British menus are all geared toward high fat high carb foods.

Of course it's not. There are plenty of low-fat options you can have in cafes, or just have the coffee part. And most British restaurants or menus have loads of healthy choices