Need to restructure our social life now DH has a medical condition.

[Clustershower]

My DH has recently had a health issue that has resulted in him being advised that he needs to eat low fat and avoid alcohol.

I know it sounds like such a first world problem but after raising our children and now having a comfortable income we loved nothing better than eating out, drinking nice wines, having lovely holidays where we’d spend ages looking at different places to eat nice meals and drinks.

Our whole social life revolved around this, it’s all we know!

There’s definitely going to be a period of adjustment but I feel almost cheated now that we can’t really do this any more. I feel I’ve had my enjoyment taken away too as I would feel too guilty to eat and drink what I liked if he can’t.

He’s not the type to expect me to deny myself but it doesn’t seem fair.

Has anyone else had this, it’s not the end of the world but I have to admit I do feel sad about it all.

My husband has gout so has to change his diet / alcohol and yes it can impact your social life if you let it but it depends on what's important - the food or the friends / event - if it's food then that's tricky if it's a nice event / fiends then picking the safer options still
means you can go along - we still sit and chat over a bottle of wine (well I'm having the wine and it lasts two evenings / ish) and he has an array of alcohol free beers, trip / Gillian Anderson's drinks etc - we still chat and play cards he just drinks something different, it's doable but yes I do miss that feeling of both of us getting squiffy together but as people said upthread - it could be a lot worse and this one is manageable xx

I assume he has something like pancreatic insufficiency or similar pancreatic/liver issues. I do as well and I’m also a recovering alcoholic.

Honestly, it’s really no big deal. Firstly, cutting out alcohol and improving his diet will have a huge impact on his symptoms. I don’t drink anymore and I’m generally a lot healthier, and I can literally eat whatever I want. Like a KFC makes me feel blergh 🤢 but short of like a Big Mac or a fish & chips, which I avoid, I don’t restrict my diet anymore and I manage fine with few symptoms. But I do eat healthy and there are loads of delicious healthy meal options at restaurants or that we can make at home. Doesn’t limit me in any way.

I don’t drink anymore, but even as a recovering alcoholic, it doesn’t mean I can’t go to the pub or be around people drinking alcohol. It’s an adjustment at first, but then it’s no big deal. I can go to weddings and dinner parties and BBQs and birthday parties. I just drink something alcohol free. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But there are so many enjoyable things to do that don’t involve 4 bottles of Prosecco at the pub. We go to the cinema and hiking and wild swimming and out to lunch or dinner (to places where we no longer have to worry if they’re licensed or we’ll need to drive home).

But I also don’t expect Dh to not eat or drink what he wants just because I prefer to be healthier. He still drinks (but less by his own choice) and he still eats whatever he wants. We still socialise same as before. If I get tired and bored (drunk people are actually really tedious if you have to listen to them prattle on sober), then I take myself home!

Really it has only changed life for the better as are healthier (lost probably 30+ kg together) and we do much more interesting things together now. It’s actually a bit boring just sitting around drinking wine every weekend evening. You don’t realise until you don’t do it anymore how much you were missing out on.

Not where I live they aren't. It's mostly high saturated fat and sugar, difficult to find places that will cater for a simpler diet and at the same time not keep everyone hanging around for the 'awkward' meal as a waitress called my order recently. We waited 90 minutes for anything I could eat to arrive.

He will find his own way with what he can and can’t eat and drink. Low fat may not be the answer it may be more that he can only eat certain types of fat such as butter and olive oil but not lots of food fried in vegetable oil. He is probably better off cutting carbs, sugar and UPF. He also may find he can start drinking again. He should meet with a nutritionist or holistic doctor because medical people are not very knowledgeable about nutrition.

I too think you’re making more of a deal of this than necessary.

I have recently had to go alcohol free due to cancer and whilst it’s been daunting to realise that alcohol can’t feature for me anymore I’m not viewing it as the end of the world. I very much enjoyed wine and nice food and am also losing weight that’s also necessary so looking at my diet as well.

You simply have to reframe all of this in both of your minds. I’m slowly getting used to lunches out with friends, celebratory occasions, lunches and dinners at people’s houses etc. There are literally loads of alcohol free options now. Decent beers, gin, martini, wine, fizz etc.

I will be doing my first holiday at Christmas AF and whilst I admit it’s a little daunting as my partner drinks, and why shouldn’t he, I’ll just have to view it as another first in the twist my life has recently taken.

I will still sit in bars and restaurants and people watch and relax etc whilst others around me enjoy their alcoholic drinks and I’m determined that I’m not going to spend the rest of my life feeling deprived due to lack of alcohol.

Health is way way more important than nice wine and high fat content foods.

Where do you live?

We're in very rural Cumbria and every single restaurant and cafe I can think of has several low-fat, healthy options on the menu.

Nice food doesn't have to be high fat food. Plenty of options to eat low fat and no alcohol but still enjoy yourselves. How about looking for restaurants with the nicest view rather than the nicest wine for example when you are on holiday.

Really? The best thing in your relationship was sharing a bottle of wine? Thank goodness he has had his diagnosis so you still have time to wake up, smell the coffee and re-evaluate what things are really important in life.

I put health pretty much at the top of my list for what it’s worth, quite a long way in front of sharing a bottle of wine.

On holiday replace the bottle of wine with a lovely seafood meal out with a view.

At home check out different restaurants, Thai perhaps.

The changes could be good.

Can he not just be very careful during the week and maybe try having the other in moderation / small amounts at the weekend. Eg just having maybe one glass ? See how he goes?

A lot of people live like this anyway - we all should - or are forced to make changes for health reasons. Just make different choices, it really is that easy. (Top low fat treaty option that springs to mind is Japanese cuisine for example, but just good quality, well cooked food is what we all should be striving for anyway)

I can totally relate OP having had a similar health issue with gall bladder /pancreas issue. Low fat really helps it, but is far harder than I thought to avoid & thats even with being a fairly healthy eater (who enjoyed comforts though too). I had been doing a high healthy fat Mediterranean diet & successfully lost 2 stone on it but can’t now eat its staples like eggs, avocados, vegetables in olive oil etc due to their high fat content. As a result I’m eating more carbs & the weight is piling back on. Plus literally everything contains or is cooked in some form of fat & much harder to enjoyably avoid when eating out. Thinks yoi just never even thought about! Makes you feel not worth bothering /wasting money on the eating out at all or wasting money on a less indulgent option. I totally get it’s a first world problem but is in practise a big adjustment. I’ve not been able to enjoy alcohol for many yrs now so rarely have any, but when the mood takes love a full bodied glass of red. Especially with autumnal fare & the kind of foods that ushers in. If you really enjoy your wines as well as food I can see this being a huge shock to the system. Pple underestimate how much comfort & pleasure & entertainment we derive through food & drink & while of course it’s perfectly possible to change one’s diet - it really does have huge ramifications for your life & lifestyle. So with you in sympathy (& completely aware it could be so much worse etc etc)!

Yes also explore exciting non alcoholic cocktails? I've got quite into this and there are alot of fun options around now to play around with.

I can see that would be both difficult to adjust to and disappointing, so I think you are perfectly reasonable to feel like that.

nice tonic water on its own is okay.

japanese food / visiting Japan might work for you?

“I think I’m kind of grieving the way we did things”

grieving? I really think I live on a different planet to many people on mumsnet.

Yes but it’s me that has the health issue. No drinking, and eating out is a pain.

I can’t deny that it has made life harder for me in particular - we still go out with friends but I have a plain meal (fish/veg/salad) and everyone else tucks in! I just enjoy the company. Dh and I rarely eat out just us now and I miss that.

Eating low fat and not drinking isn’t a massive deal - my diet is much more restrictive and I still go on holiday (although I always feel ill by the end as I’m eating less strictly) and we do other things - concerts, shows, cinema, museums, have people round etc. What we save on a few meals out we spend on gigs (we did Oasis and Coldplay!!).

Just read your last update & same as yr DH no gallstones for me either! In limbo waiting to hear re surgery & very wary of experiencing another attack too! I know my Starbucks was always skinny but no cake to go with it now (had never really appreciated how high fat they actually are). Good luck!

Just learn what's low fat and eat that at restaurants. Also find new hobbies to enjoy.

I understand. Dh gave up booze after illness.

Me and DH love food and enjoy going to nice restuarants etc.
He stopped drinking altogether around a year ago and rarely eats meat now, he also prefers lower fat food and it has made no difference at all.

It might be worth reading "the nigel lawson diet book". He wrote this book all about how to watch your diet and weight while being obliged to eat almost exclusively in hotels and restaurants. It's really good.

Me and DH are like this, so I totally understand where you are coming from.
To be honest, I was a functioning alcoholic for many years (2 bottles of wine a night). Over the past few months I have cut the wine right back, as I'm trying to lose weight. But last night, we both drank, and I feel shite today, I was even vomiting this morning. It's just not worth it. I'll be on water for the foreseeable!

Become experts on lower fat meal options.
Become champions of non alcoholic wines and mocktails.

Write a guide for your kids and friends and rate each restaurant experience for how well it caters for one's health.

Exactly this. You need to change your mindset; whilst you were raising kids, your bodies were ageing etc and this is how all adults need to eat to protect their health.

After my heart attack last year I have changed my eating habits ( I don't drink). There are plenty of options available when it comes to healthier items and there is a wide range of 0% beers, lagers, ciders, wines and spirits. I haven't found going out restrictive at all.