Need to restructure our social life now DH has a medical condition.

[Clustershower]

My DH has recently had a health issue that has resulted in him being advised that he needs to eat low fat and avoid alcohol.

I know it sounds like such a first world problem but after raising our children and now having a comfortable income we loved nothing better than eating out, drinking nice wines, having lovely holidays where we’d spend ages looking at different places to eat nice meals and drinks.

Our whole social life revolved around this, it’s all we know!

There’s definitely going to be a period of adjustment but I feel almost cheated now that we can’t really do this any more. I feel I’ve had my enjoyment taken away too as I would feel too guilty to eat and drink what I liked if he can’t.

He’s not the type to expect me to deny myself but it doesn’t seem fair.

Has anyone else had this, it’s not the end of the world but I have to admit I do feel sad about it all.

We tend to eat a low fat diet and this week have been forced to eat out - and it doesn’t make me feel good at all

I think that means your body will adjust to not liking the rich food that seems to be the eating out default

so all you need is to find your new fun and treat ideas - I’d suggest going to music concerts or getting into culture stuff - visiting unesco world heritage sites for example

@567OverwhelmedFTM
Out of curiosity - why wouldn't you go out and see a friend if you can't share their drink? A genuine question...
I don't like pasta, pizza and ice cream, but still love Italy. Plenty of salads and other dishes I can enjoy.

I think the issue is not the other people - but the deeply ingrained idea in people's heads that other people care about what you eat and drink. I have always just ordered a salad and maybe another small dish - I am not a big eater. And never cared what people thing about my non-drinking, Really - never been an issue - not with friends, not with colleagues, not with clients. If (rarely) anyone'd asked - I say - I don't drink. (you can also say for health reasons) - and NO one cares.

Staying at home because you can't eat many things on the menu is really your own choice. To me going out is about seeing people, being out, dancing, having fun. Food is just one tiny bit of it. Life is too short to limit it by staying at home because of food choices.

If DH had thought our social life was over every time I couldn't drink - pregnancy is one, but not only , we would have long divorced.

What an odd way to think.

Oh OP, yes the period of adjustment will be challenging but it won’t stop you from eating out, you just need to make better choices for his welfare.

Have lean proteins/fish. Things that are steamed, baked or grilled not fried. Fill up on veg and salad, make pulses more of a feature as they help you feel fuller for longer and are great for gut health.

It is all very do-able, you just have to flip your mindset so it seems less of a punishment and more of a new culinary adventure.

A good friend of mine recently stopped drinking alcohol.
She still goes out, she still goes on holiday, she still has a very active social life and on top of all that her health has improved.
Tou haven't lost anything. You can both still travel and eat in nice restaurants.
With the greatest respect I think you're way overthinking this. Nobody died and nothing has to change (except not waking up with a banging headache every day)

I say this with kindness, not accusation, but it's probable his "poor" diet and alcohol consumption caused the pancreatitis

And it wouldn't hurt @Clustershower to rein in her diet. As we age our organs don't work as well, our joints suffer any excess weight.

I had to give up alcohol too because of a medical issue. I completely understand. I felt I was grieving for my old life and loved having a few wines anytime I was out, it has completely impaired how I feel about my social life and also as my husband is quite a heavy drinker it causes loads of issues. I don’t have any easy solutions but you do get used to it - as a couple. You might find if you feel like this that you could also benefit from cutting down anyway. Have some times when you drink but try to also have some nights where you stay off it in solidarity with your husband who is likely grieving his old life before illness and when he could drink and eat what he wanted . It’s hard, but worth it. Many of us drink too much overall if we are honest with ourselves.

This. I totally understand. It’s not a choice you wanted to make and it’s hard. I now spend loads extra money on healthy food but nothing on alcohol for me but I do resent how much we spend on alcohol for my husband. I also hate splitting the bill when people have had loads and loads of wine etc but most of time just go along with it so don’t look like I’m being a tightwad. It does get easier though but I think the trick is to make some positive changes in your life rather than try to do exactly the same but minus alcohol. All the Zoe cookbooks etc have great recipes and more and more restaurants have a decent choice of food

I cannot have alcohol for health reasons - ditto certain foods. I have not stopped doing anything I used to do - I just drink something non-alcoholic and choose suitable stuff from a menu - job done!

The friends I socialize with have not ostracised me over this! Life goes on as normal.

It really is a non-problem.

Don't be a martyr OP
Go out and eat and drink with your friends.

He needs to make lifestyle changes but can still go out. Have a mockail, enjoy a vegan.diet..get on with it you over dramatic person.

I think you’ve had a hard time with people
saying it’s not a big deal when to you it is a big change and it’s ok to feel disappointed with an unwanted change.

1. Can you drink and socialise with friends, not with husband for an outlet?
2. can you still have a (single) glass of wine when with husband as presumably he doesn’t expect you to abstain? Appreciate it’s not the same as a shared pleasure but it might help it not feel so drastic initially
3. Changing restaurant cuisine as suggested by others is a great idea to find healthy and tasty options that feel like a treat
4. over time you may enjoy the feeling of being healthier but totally get that it will feel like depriving yourself initially

OP, I give you my sympathy. The people calling you dramatic & comparing your struggle to theirs, isn't what you need to be reading right now. What might not be a big deal to some people or at all, may be huge to others. I don't have much advice for the issue itself but you are in my thoughts as I can see it's a big worry/stress for you❤

For what it's worth I had an 'out of the blue' attack of pancreatitis over a decade ago, and though in my case the cause was identified (gallstones in my bile duct) I too was advised to a) give up drinking & b) eat a low fat diet. The first wasn't a great problem as I was a fairly light drinker (and I preferred beer to wine, and with all the good no alcohol beers on the market this is even less of an issue nowadays), but I too liked eating good food, especially in restaurants.

My experience is that if you search ingredients on packets, look for low fat options (not just those that claim 'low fat' as they often aren't what is claimed), and use common sense one can still enjoy the occasional meal out (what is 'occasional'? I suspect it depends on individuals, but I can happily manage several a month if I watch my diet the rest of the time - e.g. no cakes, no biscuits, avoid puddings etc.

Doctors, especially in hospitals, do tend to tend to tell you the ideal diet etc to follow, but there is other advice out there and I would advise doing your own research. A good starting place would be: https://pancreasfoundation.org

I'm sure you're right but such things are often viciously sweet. It's quite hard to find a good alcohol alternative (Glass of red in hand as a type this).

Vegan? Joyless.

It doesn't need to be an "alcohol alternative" though - just enjoy a regular non-alcoholic drink in its' own right. I can't drink alcohol for medical reasons and there are so many nice drinks out there.

People are IMO too focused on alcohol being a necessity. It's sad.

Well if he is having gallbladder issues then thats a good shout. My husband had to go vegan 2 yrs ago due to a cholesterol episode effecting his gallbladder and he avoided surgery and hasn't had any issues since.

What I mean by alcohol alternative is simply what one would drink when out with friends. Most fizzy drinks are very sweet or full of caffeine or chemicals as they have zero sugar. If you have some ideas, that would be great. I picked up the lemon/lime/bitters thing in Australia but more ideas are very welcome.

I know, really but life without butter/bacon/cream seems a bit sad to me. I don't have a subtle enough palate to appreciate one olive oil over another. I'm sure there are lovely meals that are vegan but I can't eat Quorn and hate tofu so that leaves the lentils/pulses for protein.

Oh I love cheese! But I'd rather have my health and my husband alive and well

Once you have tried it a couple of times you'll find it really easy to eat low fat. The alcohol is slightly more difficult but once you stop you get used to it. I find ginger beer a good substitute for alcohol. It has a great kick to it and isn't overly sweet like most soft drinks. Honestly, you will find you adapt more easily than you imagine

Of course. It's just a massive mindset change-or would be for me.

Just excitedly start to explore foods and drinks he can have. It’s not a punishment, it’s just a different type of fun. Lots of people change their habits and go gluten free, or vegetarian, no alcohol or whatever, it’s not a biggie