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Original poster

Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

291 replies

Fedup2910 · 06/09/2025 09:46

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 06/09/2025 09:48

You can only ask. I think babes in arms should be invited if the parents are , but depends on how the couple see it.

BravebutBroken · 06/09/2025 09:52

I think friends kids are very different to family kids. And you would put your friend in a very difficult position if you were to ask. 3/4 month old baby maybe but i'd expect you to come up with a solution for a 9 month old, or decline the invite. Can your mum look after the children nearby so you can pop out to feed her when needed? Maybe book a room at the venue?

Gothzilla · 06/09/2025 09:52

You can ask, they can say no. Not your problem or issue but it could leave the couple in a difficult place if they allow you to bring your baby and their other friends who have babies see this.

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mondaytosunday · 06/09/2025 10:04

Is the wedding going to be 11 hours?! That’s crazy. Why can’t you go home after the ceremony - there usually quite some time then as they take photos etc. before the meal. And I’d just skip the evening bit.

gingercat02 · 06/09/2025 10:05

9 months no, a new born would be understandable. I think you decline the invitation and explain you can't leave her for that long as she won't take a bottle. They might offer to let her come, but don't ask.
Have you tried a cup of milk?

mondaytosunday · 06/09/2025 10:07

Sorry I didn’t address your actual question. I had a no kids wedding and you are going to put the bride in an awkward position. I would have had to say no as it’s not fair on other guests. Plus the idea is for you to enjoy yourself, not spend your time looking after your baby. I had a baby who refused the bottle abd BF her for a year, by nine months she was eating and using a sippy cup, she didn’t need me really.

MidnightPatrol · 06/09/2025 10:09

I think this is a good opportunity to get your baby drinking out of a bottle - which is good for your freedom anyway!

How are you approaching it?

We had a few days of the baby going a bit hungry before they relented - and it’s important you aren’t there. You need to have gone out so they know you aren’t an option.

Something we also took a while to realise was that we had the wrong teats so the milk was v slow to drink. Faster flow ones made it easier for them.

Edit- and as above, she could drink milk out of a cup?

SeptemberNCing · 06/09/2025 10:12

At 9 months she should be eating too?

And drinking water?

Can you give her milk from whatever she drinks water from? None of mine ever took to bottles but they did drink from straw cups.

Personally I think you can leave her for the day but leave the reception early so it’s not a full 11 hours.

ETA: Also assuming she is eating now, a long day without any milk won’t be an issue. You on the other hand need to be prepared for being engorged…!

Lafufufu · 06/09/2025 10:14

You decline verbally ie via conversation explaining youd love to attend but the baby can't be left yet.

You'll either be told to bring the baby

Or

they'll say " I understand..." / "cant you leave the baby? (Answer: no)

Either way you have your answer

GucciTennisShoesRunninFromYourIssues · 06/09/2025 10:15

SeptemberNCing · 06/09/2025 10:12

At 9 months she should be eating too?

And drinking water?

Can you give her milk from whatever she drinks water from? None of mine ever took to bottles but they did drink from straw cups.

Personally I think you can leave her for the day but leave the reception early so it’s not a full 11 hours.

ETA: Also assuming she is eating now, a long day without any milk won’t be an issue. You on the other hand need to be prepared for being engorged…!

Edited

I agree.

if it was a small baby I'd agree with you OP but she's 9 months old. She doesn't need that much milk from you now.
I take it you're offering water from a sippy cup? Is she on 3 meals a day?

Zempy · 06/09/2025 10:15

I wouldn’t ask, no.

My two were EBF and totally refused the bottle.

I would send a message explaining you will be unable to attend as DD cannot be left due to EBF.

That gives bride and groom the opportunity to gracefully accept your decision, or make an offer for DD to attend.

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 06/09/2025 10:16

I wouldn't ask, you'll put the bride in a really awkward position.

At 9 months surely she could have milk morning and evening and just food in between?

Comedycook · 06/09/2025 10:17

I don't think you can ask....as a pp said isn't your baby on solids now? I'd probably just go and leave early

Dreamtopping · 06/09/2025 10:17

Your baby is old enough to be left for the day with your Mum. She won't go hungry as others have said, she'll be on solids too. And trust me, if baby is thirsty shell drink from a cup if necessary.
Incidentally, when is the wedding?

DappledThings · 06/09/2025 10:17

You just need to be clear your question is genuinely open and that if it isn't possible to bring her you totally understand but you will sadly not be able to attend. Be brief, factual and not gushy. It's fine to ask.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 06/09/2025 10:18

Don’t be that person.

Zanatdy · 06/09/2025 10:18

Agree baby should be fine as on solids. Will she drink water?

Iocainepowder · 06/09/2025 10:21

Agree with PPs she should be fine with milk in morning and evening and food in between.

I think it’s also sensible to put things in place to make it easier to leave her in case of future emergencies. I had to spend a night in a&e via ambulance when DC2 was 4 months.

Dreamtopping · 06/09/2025 10:21

DappledThings · 06/09/2025 10:17

You just need to be clear your question is genuinely open and that if it isn't possible to bring her you totally understand but you will sadly not be able to attend. Be brief, factual and not gushy. It's fine to ask.

But if @Fedup2910 asks and the answer is yes, I think her friend would only be agreeing because she's been put in an awkward position.
In reality, I'm sure the friend wouldn't be happy with the baby attending too and it's unfair to ask her.

2chocolateoranges · 06/09/2025 10:21

I wouldn’t ask, he bride and groom have made their choice, you either decline the invite or you go home in between the ceremony and leave reception early.

your baby won’t take a bottle from you as they know you are their other option, you need to have someone else give them the bottle or use a sippy cup, remove yourself from the situation.

Toomanywaterbottles · 06/09/2025 10:23

No. I wouldn’t even ask. Your baby is nine months, not a newborn.

CrispieCake · 06/09/2025 10:25

Have you tried milk in a sippy cup? My younger one would never drink from a bottle. Or just give with cereal/in other food.

Otherwise, I agree. You need to decline and explain why (at which point she may say bring the baby) rather than asking to bring the baby.

SeptemberNCing · 06/09/2025 10:26

Zempy · 06/09/2025 10:15

I wouldn’t ask, no.

My two were EBF and totally refused the bottle.

I would send a message explaining you will be unable to attend as DD cannot be left due to EBF.

That gives bride and groom the opportunity to gracefully accept your decision, or make an offer for DD to attend.

This is the best approach if you insist she cannot be left for the day. Don’t put them in the situation of not knowing what to say when they want to say no.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2025 10:27

If you can’t leave baby then you’ll need to tell bride you can only come if the baby does to and understand if she can’t accommodate but please let you know
the bride will kick up a fuss but understand when she has her own baby

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2025 10:27

The other option is to put your mum up in the wedding hotel and go to feed your child there every so often