Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

[Fedup2910]

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

If your baby hasn’t been invited I wouldn’t ask?! It will put your friend in a position.

I don’t think it’s acceptable to ask the bride if you can bring your 9 month old.

If your baby really needs to be on and off the boob throughout the day then your mum needs to be stationed nearby so you can nip out and feed the baby.

I would explain the situation, say you can only make it to the ceremony as you need to get for little as hes refusing a bottle. See what she suggests

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.

You really don’t. She’s already said no. If you can’t leave the baby, you can’t go.

I should have said "people who have never had a bottle refuser wouldn't get it"

9 months honestly you're worrying too much.

If you don't want to be apart from her for 11 hours, then leave before the end.

But she'll be fine. Two of my four were steadfast bottle refusers. They weren't usually taking much out of a cup at that age either. But all four had to be left for about that time at that age (had to be back at work for a couple of days). They were all totally, absolutely fine. My mum had them, and she made sure that what they ate contained plenty of liquid - they had quite runny porridge in the morning (made up with expressed milk), offered yoghurt and fruit pouches during the day. Cup of water with every meal. My mum offered a bottle before both naps (no success whatsoever!). In the afternoon she let them play in the bath for ages to keep them well hydrated.

They had a massive feed the INSTANT I walked through the door. But they weren't hungry or thirsty and had been totally fine all day.

I think if you ask you are putting the bride in a really awkward position. If I were you, I'd explain (without fishing!) That you're going to be there for the ceremony and dinner/speeches but then you'll be leaving a bit early. If she genuinely would love to have your child there she'll suggest it immediately and sound really keen. If you get ANY other response you would be imposing to ask so just DON'T.

i breastfed longer than her marriage lasted 🤣

this is so bitchy

I would just say you can’t make it as baby won’t take bottle, that way she can invite baby or not, but there’s no pressure. Some nine month olds you could leave but others you can’t - you’ll know how reliant your child is on breastmilk. One of mine wouldn’t have coped but the other would and ultimately you may just miss the wedding.

You can ask but in the case of our wedding we would have said no as it was a child/baby free wedding. Our choice.

At 9 months I was back at work 10 hours a day with both of mine. I went back at 6 months with one and needed to pump for my own comfort. The other I went back at 9 months and didn’t need to do that. I would hope a newborn would be allowed but if I didn’t feel I could leave a 9 month old then I’d just decline.

I actually DO think it's unreasonable to ask. Regardless of people's opinions on childfree/only family children weddings, the fact is that you were invited to a wedding that she doesn't want your baby at.

Asking her to make an exception is putting her in an awkward position and that's quite selfish, IMO. I don't think it's fair. You can turn down the invitation and explain why, but to ask her to allow your baby? You must know the position that puts her in.

I'd bow out with grace.

We are still very good friends, she'd laugh if I said it to her, as it's absolutely true!

I'd decline or attend just one part. I wouldn't ask because that puts the bride in an awkward position.

DD wouldn't take a bottle when I returned to work at 9mo. Our childminder used a sippy cup instead. Worked really well.

I also had a bottle refuser…

They are many ways around it.

Please don’t do this. If you ask and she says no, you’re all awkward. If she says yes, she upsets the other friends.

Find a way through but don’t put this on the bride.

This. At nine months they are on at least a rough schedule not feeding every 10 minutes.

If you had a nine week old baby then absolutely but by nine months it is easier to plan ahead.

Feed your baby immediately before you go and that should give a decent window with presumably some kind of semi solid lunch as well.

Go to the reception and meal. If your child is upset and can't be settled then you'll have to leave early but the first couple of hours are all the main wedding parts.

They are also the bits people don't want disrupted by a baby crying.

I had a bottle refuser. Hence feeding til 3.5.

I had to go back to work when my ebf dc was 9 months, and wouldn’t take a bottle or sippy cup. It was really worrying for me, but actually dc was fine at nursery, and used to have a massive bf before work and after. It would be ok to leave them for a bit, if you want to.
no advice re asking the bride, but hopefully this might reassure you

I have a question because I’m confused. And I wonder if terminology has changed. Doesn’t EBF mean exclusively breast fed - so before they start solids?

your baby is 9 months OP not 9 weeks and should be able to be without milk for longer. Also you’ve left her for 5 hours before so she should be fine. If she won’t take milk from a bottle or beaker then add it to porridge, rice, make ice lolly from it etc so she’s still taking it in. But as she’s on solids now, she won’t go hungry. I don’t think you can ask to bring a 9 month old to a wedding, it would be different if she was a new born

Nine months is old enough to drink from a sippy cup or bottle. New born fine to ask but don't put your friend in a difficult position by asking.

I bf all three of mine to over 2yo. My middle one was a dedicated solid's refuser until about 10 months (when a chocolate button from his sister changed her mind)

But I'd say you're being UR.
At 9 months there's a good chance they're crawling, if they decide to be vocal, then they can easily drown the vows etc.

For 11 hours you can get round it. I bet even if they're not taking much solids, they'd take a syringe of formula/water, and a piece of toast to eat. They'll be fine.

Baby will be fine with your mum. More likely to have milk from a cup/bottle if you're not around.

You could ask, but don't get pissy if they say no.

I am sorry to be somewhat harsh but please don’t ask and make it all about you and your situation. I had a friend who brought her 1 year old to a wedding (not mine!) despite knowing there would be no other children. She told me afterwards she was always going to bring her and felt on the actual day ‘no one was going to chuck me out!’

The child then started crying during the ceremony and she did take her out eventually but stood by the back door of the church and the guests could still hear the child.

Please don’t be that person…

I had a bottle refusenik.

And t 9 months was crawling, making noise, awake most of the day etc.

OP - presumably your baby is now eating some solids?

I would try milk puddings and rice puddings etc made with either cows milk or your milk if you can express, and your baby may well be OK with a breast feed morning and evening.