Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

[Fedup2910]

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

Agree that at 9 months, you can't ask, she is old enough to be left with food, water and milk from a cup.if you don't want to leave her for 11 hours, just go for part of the day but really at 9 months it is more about you than her.

At 9mo baby isn't EBF they eat food. I bf mine until nearly 2yo but could leave them at 9mo. Just get you mum to cup feed if they won't take a bottle. Come home early as well.

I’ll supply my own food for her Thought she was EBF?

It's not ridiculous at all to not invite young babies to a wedding!
It's the bride and groom's big day, and why should they have to put up with babies potentially screaming or crawling around right in the middle of the ceremony or reception?
Babies aren't made of china, they can be left for a day with a trusted family member or friend without anything happening to them.

If it is only half an hour away, can’t you just go for ceremony and meal and miss out the evening. Then you won’t be leaving baby too long

Personally I don't like child free weddings and of course you can't leave your breast fed baby. It would be much too stressful to the baby, whoever is looking after her and you. But some Brides view their wedding as a big adult only party so all you can do is explain to her that you understand she wants a child free wedding but you can't leave your baby so you will not be able to attend.

we are not having babies or even children at our wedding because if we did that it would make the guest list enormous.

No, I would not ask. (Surely the ceremony is the part they don’t want interruptions - the time not to add noisy babies.)

Do you have an exclusive breast free baby?
The ceremony, meal and travelling will take several hours. The baby will more than likely be extremely distressed and starving by the time they return. Horrible for whoever is looking after her

Is a baby really EBF at 9 months?

I wouldn’t ask. It’s not fair on the bride

Baby won’t drink milk from a bottle from you no!!! You have the boobs!!! They know!!! Get your husband or mum to try feeding them with milk - not when they are starving though - they usually end up taking a bottle from other people or drinking from a cup now they are old enough - obviously with help

If a bride and groom (why only mention the bride?) can’t make their wedding day all about them, when can they?

Unfortunately, some parents believe that every event is all about their baby. It would be extremely annoying to have a baby crying or crawling about during the vows, not cute.

Or the groom.

or the other guests who have done as requested and not brought their baby.

I'll never understand people who ask about bringing a baby, child or someone else to a wedding when they weren't on the invite.

The "no" is already clearly stated. Their name would be on the invite if the couple wanted them there.

You’re in a difficult position with feeding and the wedding setup but the way I see it, this isn’t something for your friend to solve. They’ve chosen their guest list, and it’s not fair to add pressure around exceptions. The choice then is really yours: either arrange your day so you can feed your baby as needed, or decide not to attend. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask your friend to change their plans.

A small child - not even a baby but around a 3 year old - was brought to my child free wedding anyway and they screamed and cried through the whole ceremony and I couldn’t hear my spouse through the vows and the video just shows screaming from little brat and entitled mum just standing there not taking them out the church!

OP- you need to just state you can’t attend, and give them the option. You can’t really ‘ask’. They will relent, or just say ‘that’s a shame’. But it’s important to give them notice.

absolutely baffled by many of these responses. The majority of 9 month olds are not eating three meals a day that would negate milk. And breastfeeding is so much more than food. You are right to be concerned that your baby might be upset to be separated from you.

I absolutely could not have attended a 12+ hour plus wedding when DC were 9 months old. Me and dh got out for dates and dinners- but our limit was about 4 hours before she got upset.

No, you can't ask. That's really rude of you.

All you can do is, without expectation in anything you say, inform your friend that you've tried to make it work, but you can't. And regretfully, you can't attend.

But anyone suggesting bottles/cups of milk on this thread is equally wrong. Firstly because the OP said she's tried that, but secondly this mother has every right to EBF for as long as the WHO/NHS recommends, without the inevitable boringness of "helpful" alternatives.

But it does mean OP that you have to cut your cloth accordingly. Unless your friend comes back to you and suggests of her own volition that your baby comes, you stay home.

Go but nip home to feed her between the wedding breakfast and the evening do if it’s only half an hour away, maybe get her into bed then go back or just skip the evening do. My EBF DC started full day nursery (8-6) at 9 months old and drank water or cow’s milk from a sippy cup whilst still BF morning and night and it was fine.

If you really have to, tell them you can’t leave her for so long and therefore won’t be coming, as others have said that gives them the option to invite your DC but doesn’t pressure them. Be prepared for them to accept your apologies though.

FWIW I took DS to a wedding at about that age (invited and welcome) but it was a total pain and I didn’t really feel I had been present at all even with DH there, pretty well all our time was spent looking after DS. I’d definitely have enjoyed it more without DS.

Get a grip OP - this is ridiculous. Don’t ask the bride, do get feeding sorted.

Don’t ask, it’s rude. If your baby was wanted there, they would have been invited. Asking puts them in a really awkward position that they shouldn’t have to be in because they have already said they want a child free wedding and accepted that it will mean some people can’t go.

Decline the invitation with an honest explanation, and if they want you to come despite having a baby with you, they will offer.

I also would not ask. It's not a babe in arms, the child is surely not in fact 'exclusively' breastfed at that age (!?) - I presume you mean something like 'formula-free' - and the bride shouldn't have to stress about how to graciously deal with the request.

Tell the bride you can't make it and why. Then IF the bride really wants yoy there sge will tell you it's fine to bring your child.

My thought, too. Is your 9 month old not well on the way to being weaned, now? Presumably she won’t starve without milk for one day?