Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

[Fedup2910]

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

People who have never breastfed don't get it unfortunately, I'd ask, if the answer is no I'd politely decline the invite. I wouldn't be bending over backwards bringing someone along to bring the baby back and forth.

I actually weaned one of my children off breastfeeding for a friend's wedding, granted he'd just turned 2 but he would cry all evening/night if I didn't feed him. The wedding was a 3 hour drive away in the arse end of nowhere with only family staying at the venue, so the logistics didn't work having someone come along and bring him for a feed. Anyway when I got to the wedding I told my friend what an awful couple of months it was weaning him off to leave him and she replied "why didn't you just bring him" 😳. I breastfed longer than her marriage lasted 🤣.

I just wouldn't put myself out if it happened now, if you can't accommodate your friend's with babies and small children, I can't attend. And I absolutely didn't have a childfree wedding, 90% of our friends had babies or toddlers, everyone was welcome and accomodated.

I breastfed ours. They were semi-weaned by 9 months 🤷‍♀️

I don't understand why you presume that those of us who disagree haven't breastfed. I did, all three of mine. And I would still expect myself to sort it out or decline.

I allowed children at my wedding, but I'm still pissed off that one of my relatives allowed their year old child to shout through my vows. I'd expected her to remove the wee one to the hall at the back of the church if she started to interrupt.

this mother has every right to EBF for as long as the WHO/NHS recommends, without the inevitable boringness of "helpful" alternatives.

WHO guidelines are EBF until 6 months.

YABU 9 months can have food and drink water. It’s not a newborn

Quite.

Same as others, the choice you didn’t put in your OP is not going.
Tell them you can’t go because you can’t leave your EBF baby and see what they say but you can’t be upset if they say ‘that’s a shame’ because realistically even though there might be one family baby there you don’t know what shit they are opening themselves up to if they make an exception for you.

We were a zero children wedding.

one of the guests message to ask if she could bring her baby, as being EBF if the answer was no then she regretfully couldn’t attend. Obviously I’m human so I said yes.

i quit BF to attend a friends hen do. I wish I hadn’t. I’d never force a bottle onto my child for a bloody wedding these days!

I breastfed 3. One to about 3.5 years.

BF her before the ceremony, let your mum feed her a load of mashed banana or whatever else they eat at that age which should keep her going till after the breakfast then feed her again and go to reception. Given her age it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask.

A 9 month old isnt a babe in arms is it? I don’t know but I would take that to mean newborn.

I’d just say ‘hi bride! I’ve been trying to get DD onto a bottle so I can leave her for your wedding but she’s not having it! I’ll have to either bring her or just come for the ceremony [or evening, or insert your plan here OP]. What do you reckon?’

She’ll probably say to bring her.

I would imagine DD would be fine with water & food for a day but I don’t know enough about BF to advise on that really and I’m sure you’ve already thought of and discounted that for a reason.

You can ask, and there's a chance they'll say no. Sadly, if that's the case you will have to stay home. Imo, your baby is more important than a wedding.

When I had mine (years ago) I also had a no kids wedding, but my friend asked politely for similar reasons. I didnt think it was rude at all. I wanted her to be there so I made an exception, and her little one was no fuss.

When is the wedding?

You cannot ask to bring the baby short notice, but declining short notice is also very poor show.

How does the baby drink water?

Babies tend to want mum if mum and her boobs are around, you need to go out for the day and leave your dh to work out how get his dd to drink. She will most likely take from a sippy cup or whatever she drinks water from eventually if you are not around.

Is she really EBF, surely at 9 months she eats food too?

At 9 months she should be on a sippy cup for water with her food anyway. If she’s EBF she will be malnourished and also possibly anaemia unless you’re supplementing with iron.
It’d be massively rude to ask your friend to accomodate the baby, it’s not as if she’s a newborn.

At 9 months I was back at work. I would feed my EBF baby in the morning and before bedtime. Throughout the day he would have food and a cup of expressed milk in a sippy cup. Not all babies get on with bottles, have you tried water bottles of sippy cups?

They’ve made a stipulation for the day. You can’t go. So don’t go.
Asking is rude.

Some thoughts @Fedup2910:

• Can baby use a cup or a beaker? If yes then fine to feed her expressed milk this way rather than needing a bottle
• At 9 months she should be having a lot of solids, so she will at least be full
• Will be more likely to take a bottle from your parents than from you
• Can you leave baby for day based on above, nip back for evening feed and bedtime, and then head back out again?

Just to add, taking a baby to a wedding is an absolute ball ache. You'll have a much nicer time on your own!!!

Not ideal but at 6 months I had to go back to work full time and DD wouldn’t take a bottle or formula so they gave her water from a cup at nursery and then I fed her all night to catch up.

your dc would probably cope for half a day with water and food and a big feed before you go and when you get back. You don’t have to go for the whole 11hrs.

I breastfed my first until he was over 2 and still feeding my second and he’s 1.5.

So we know very well that a 9 month old should be on food and water and that one day away won’t cause any harm.

What nonsense.

"So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception"

Given that you have previously been able to leave your child for up to 5 hours, I don't understand why you would bring your baby to the ceremony and wedding breakfast and send them home after that, only to bring them to the reception. Surely what would make more sense is that you go to the ceremony and wedding breakfast alone, then your child comes and you feed them, with acceptance that you might not be able to make the reception if your child is unsettled? Dipping out of the reception will not really have any financial impact for the bride and groom, compared to missing the wedding breakfast and the likely upset if you end up missing the ceremony.

I had a breastfed bottle refuser. By 9 months they'll be ok for quite a while without milk so I'd go and just accept that you'll need to leave early if baby isn't coping. It isn't compulsory to stay for the entire reception.

Take the baby but make sure she is whisked outside if she starts to cry - the last thing anyone would want is a crying baby at their wedding. Can you express milk or won't baby take a bottle?

Did you read the OP? The baby is 9 months old I think crying would be the least of my worries! At 9 months DS was crawling, shouting, babbling etc, much more disruptive than a baby crying.