Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

[Fedup2910]

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

I BF mine till 3 years old and she never took a bottle but at 9 months I could leave her all day for work, with water/cow's milk from a cup, would definitely not have expected to take her to a wedding only half an hour from home at that age.

In the end, you might just gave to say 'sorry - unable to leave baby, have a wonderful day'.

If someone invited me to a child free wedding then I’d just decline. Not worth the effort.

That's what I thought but some seem to use it to mean no formula or bottles.

That’s what I’m thinking - but when I had mine it definitely meant before they started solids (and there was something to do with contraception as well and being careful once they started going longer between feeds iirc).

I've ebf 4 children and 9 months is fine to leave. Don't bother with a bottle, they can drink from a cup.
How are they drinking water with meals? Just do this with milk.
At 9 months they should be offered 3 meals a day.

She’s probably not taking a bottle from you because she knows you can give her milk from your breasts, so why should she have to drink from this other thing? What happens if you’re not home and someone tries to give her a bottle?

I had to wean my daughter off breastmilk at seven months because I needed to go back on my regular medication. A baby who has no breastmilk for eleven hours is going to drink from a bottle, not starve herself. Your daughter will be okay.

This might sound silly to some people, but I’d also try talking to her about it. I think older babies sometimes understand more than we think they do, even if they can’t talk themselves yet - and if it makes no difference, well, it certainly won’t hurt anything, either.

Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?!

Sure you can. She eats food presumably. She won't starve without your milk.

Just decline saying apologies for the short notice but the baby won't take a bottle. That's plenty for her to extend the invitation if she were ever going to.

Sorry but as others have said, YABU. Either decline, just go to the day / night or take the opportunity to use your mum to get the child drinking from a sippy cup etc. the child eats now, and albeit you think your child would be ok, literally everyone can come up with an excuse to ask about their child too, so just sort it yourself and don’t expect the bride and groom to accommodate.
, or have to come up with a way to say no, again!

Personally I’d use it as a chance to have some time with your partner and enjoy the day.

I wouldn't ask. At 9 months your baby should be fine drinking from a cup and eating food. If you feel you can't leave her for the full day I definitely would not take her to the ceremony or wedding breakfast, these are the parts she is more likely to disrupt. I would leave early or nip home to feed her after the speeches. I went back to work with a six month old who wouldn't take a bottle. She drank from a cup and I breast fed at breakfast time and as soon as I goy home from work. It was fine.

The bride has said no children except familys children. I guess if she let's you she will feel obliged to then let everyone else's child attend, should they ask.
No children except family children, is their decision. You have do accept that.

Exactly. A yoghurt would be a much simpler solution than pushing for an invite,

No don't do it @Fedup2910 , especially the ceremony and wedding breakfast. You could meet up with your mum and baby between the breakfast and evening do, but I'd be tempted not to intervene and see how she goes.

Does it have to be 11 hours you are away?

Can the day be made shorter for you attending as a guest and also maybe pop home somewhere halfway -ish time wise?

At nine months I'd leave them with food and water, and a bottle. They may be more likely to have it when you're not there. Leave whatever you slept in the night before for baby to have next to their face when the bottle is offered too.

Personally I wouldn't ask to take the baby! They've already stated no friends babies allowed and it's their wedding.

Another option is can your mum be somewhere nearer for the day making it quicker for you to pop back to feed?

I BF mine until 3 and 4 respectively. At 9 months I worked full time, I travelled to conferences, I left them for long periods of time.
They were fine. Babies are smart, they're not going to let themselves go hungry or thirsty. A 9 month old can drink from a sippy cup and will be fine w/o breastmilk for a day.

Sure, it might disrupt your BF pattern and unsettle the baby, but she'll soon get back on track.

You would need to express to relieve discomfort.

I love babies and children at weddings, but 9 month is a hard age for that sort of thing. Old enough to be loud and difficult to placate, wanting to crawl around, too young to bribe, cranky if out of a routine.

I wouldn't consider weaning for a wedding. I think if the B&G are only having family babies at their wedding they may struggle to understand why you can't leave a 9 month old with your Mum for the day.

Surely a 9 month old is not still exclusively breast fed? Would they not also be on solids and water?

I would not ask to bring baby. She is not a tiny new born and a 9 month old can be quite distracting if you hadn't planned on babies or children outside of family

Can your mum not just bring her once since you have already left her for 5 hours before? So pick a time for you to meet your mum and kids for an hour between stuff, give a good feed and then see them again later?

I say all that as someone who breastfed 2, one until the age of 3 but I had to return to work. He wouldn't take bottles but we managed fine once eating food and drinking water from sippy cup

Agree. I would do this.

The baby is 9 months old and will be eating solids and drinking water. Not an ebf newborn. You would be very rude and a cf to ask bride if you can bring baby.

Either baby goes without milk for 11 hours or you dont go.

I say this as someone who bf 2 kids until age 2.5.

You wouldn't even have to ask us, a baby would never have been expected to be left.

I was back at work doing 12 hour shifts when my babies were 8 months old and they managed without a breastfeed during that time. I would have axplan for sneaking off and expressing after a few hours, more for your own comfort rather than to collect the milk. The baby will be fine with whatever they are weaned on and a sippy cup of ebm or water until you get home.

i agree that they'd probably be just fine without you. My sister became ill and hospitalised very quickly, and I ended up looking after my five month old EBF niece with no pre warning. There was a fair bit of upset for a while but my niece absolutely took the bottle in the end when hungry enough. At 9 months I think you can relax a lot more as there are options to give hydrating foods (soups fruit etc) and liquids to sip from a cup. Or maybe even a small ice pop- I used to use these to get liquids into sick dehydrated toddlers.

There are some really odd and frankly abusive responses on the 1st page.

letting a small baby go hungry until they relent and take a bottle. Fucking disgusting.

also EBF babies don’t need water nor will they be eating three solid meals a day.

My 3 DC were having breast milk in the morning and at bedtime at that age and B L and D were solid foods.

@Fedup2910 I disagree with the posters that say it would put the bride in an awkward position. I would ask - something along the lines of “ Hi Jane - sorry to ask but my baby doesn’t take a bottle atm and as you know I am still breastfeeding so realistically I can’t leave the baby all day would it be ok to bring baby with me? If it’s an issue then don’t worry”. If she said no then I would decline the invitation. I think people are allowed to have child free weddings as it’s their wedding - but I wouldn’t and haven’t gone.