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Original poster

Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

291 replies

Fedup2910 · 06/09/2025 09:46

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 06/09/2025 10:28

I mean you can ask but she isn't a babe in arms really you might have to forgo the wedding or maybe get your mum to come nearby,

crossedlines · 06/09/2025 10:28

At 9 months, I wouldn’t ask, since it’s been made clear it’s children of the family only. Can’t she drink from a cup? My children were breast fed and never very keen on bottles so I would pump milk for them to drink from a cup when I went back to work. At 9 months surely she’s having solid food and water too?

cannyvalley · 06/09/2025 10:28

Kindly OP, they have already made it clear that only family member children are welcome to attend.

it would be really poor taste to ask for you and your baby to be an exception to this clearly stated rule. the soon to be married couple don’t need you giving them the stress of reminding you of this when they probably have a million things to do already getting sorted for their wedding. Dont make this awkward for them !

when people say no kids, it’s because they dont want kids at their wedding. Family member children are completely different, and this shouldn’t be taken as a sign that the rules can be bent.

if you had a tiny newborn this would be totally different .

you either need to ensure your baby has enough food/drinks that they like on hand, so they will eat and drink when you aren’t there… or make arrangements for your mum to care for your children in a nearby venue so you can pop out to feed baby a few times.

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BernardButlersBra · 06/09/2025 10:30

cannyvalley · 06/09/2025 10:28

Kindly OP, they have already made it clear that only family member children are welcome to attend.

it would be really poor taste to ask for you and your baby to be an exception to this clearly stated rule. the soon to be married couple don’t need you giving them the stress of reminding you of this when they probably have a million things to do already getting sorted for their wedding. Dont make this awkward for them !

when people say no kids, it’s because they dont want kids at their wedding. Family member children are completely different, and this shouldn’t be taken as a sign that the rules can be bent.

if you had a tiny newborn this would be totally different .

you either need to ensure your baby has enough food/drinks that they like on hand, so they will eat and drink when you aren’t there… or make arrangements for your mum to care for your children in a nearby venue so you can pop out to feed baby a few times.

All of this

viques · 06/09/2025 10:31

If she is EBF then what “food” would you be providing if she came to the wedding!

You have previously left her for five hours so use that as a guideline, work out which bits of the wedding you could get to within that time frame and accept the invitation for those parts. If the drive is only half an hour each way you would theoretically have four hours of wedding , plenty of time to celebrate and enjoy the event.

ILoveWhales · 06/09/2025 10:32

Don't ask. Don't be that guest. If she makes an exception for you she'll have to make an exception for everyone else.

I also hate this entitled attitude: remove her if she was to make noise.

She's already created a disturbance by that point.

Just decline the invitation.

user1492757084 · 06/09/2025 10:33

Go home after five hours, Op.
Or have yourmother to stay in your room and leave other children home with someone else.

LegoHouse274 · 06/09/2025 10:35

Can't you just attend the ceremony, and even possibly the meal and then leave? That's what I'd try to do in those circumstances. Or attend the ceremony, go home to feed baby and then go back for a few hours in the evening so and leave that too.

Lots of people saying you should be easily able to leave a baby of that age for that length of time but it really depends on the baby. My youngest is 10 months and still breastfeeds 9 times a day on average according to my logs. A few of those are during the night though. I couldn't have left him for a full day for a wedding at 9 months without lots of distress on his part so I wouldn't. I could have left him maybe up to 5 hours or so as he would/will take a small bottle reluctantly if very hungry when I'm not around. So Id just explain and attend what bits I could.

mamagogo1 · 06/09/2025 10:35

At 9 months she can be left with food and a sippy cup with your mum, it isn’t the same as a younger baby not on solids. Watered down apple juice might be an option if she really is refusing expressed milk or water, if she only has food and water for the 11 hours it’s fine for a day, and if you did nip home once is enough

crossedlines · 06/09/2025 10:36

Aside from anything else, I don’t think it would be a lot of fun for the child or for you. Thinking back to when my children were 9 months. They were…
-crawling
-quite vocal, experimenting with different sounds
-wanting to pull themselves up and cruise around chairs
-not happy to sit in a pushchair for huge amounts of time when awake and not on the move
-curious about everything, pointing, making noises, wanting stimulation

if you’re going to have to leave with the child if she makes a noise, you could miss out on key bits of the day.

just doesn’t make sense to me to even think about it. Either decline if you really can’t leave your child or as you’re lucky to have your mum willing to babysit, leave food, milk to drink from a cup and I can guarantee your child and you are likely to have way more fun.

cannyvalley · 06/09/2025 10:36

For what it’s worth , I was at a wedding a while ago that was no kids/only family children.
I know one guest who asked if her child could come, and the bride said no- reiterating the rule. Bride felt so awkward about it and it stressed her out, she said she wished the person just didn’t come, rather than trying to bend the rules. I felt really bad for her.

this person did attend without their child, but made a few pointed comments to other guests about having to leave their child behind, how she has asked but been refused etc . It was really poor taste and people thought she was a total arse for it.

im not saying you would do this, but the general consensus was that this woman shouldn’t have tried to bend the rules and should just have not gone to the wedding and sent a nice card instead. Lots of us had kids that didn’t attend , that was the wedding rule 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bitzee · 06/09/2025 10:36

They’ve been very clear it’s family only babies. Don’t be that person and put them in an awkward position. A 9 month old really should be absolutely fine on solids and water for one day, then since it’s only a 30 minute drive you could come home at bedtime and skip the evening do if she’s really not settling but I would hope for the best.

vinnabawl · 06/09/2025 10:37

I had a child free wedding. One attendee asked a couple of weeks before could she bring her baby as childcare fell through. I think they were about six or seven months. I felt so under pressure to agree. The baby was absolutely no issue on the day. But I did get a couple of comments from other friends after the day who hadn’t brought their babies and seemed to think it was unfair they weren’t allowed to. It was awkward all around!

I agree with with PP that I’d just decline as you can’t leave baby and then it gives the bride and groom opportunity to either invite baby or express their regrets youll miss it.

Coffeeishot · 06/09/2025 10:38

I think going to the ceremony and meal then home is a compromise would she need milk in that time?

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/09/2025 10:41

It's rude to ask.

Tell her you can't make it because baby isn't taking a bottle and they may offer for baby to go but if not then you simply can't go.

Spookyspaghetti · 06/09/2025 10:54

gingercat02 · 06/09/2025 10:05

9 months no, a new born would be understandable. I think you decline the invitation and explain you can't leave her for that long as she won't take a bottle. They might offer to let her come, but don't ask.
Have you tried a cup of milk?

You could try breast milk or formula in a two handled sippy cup?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 06/09/2025 10:55

Candleabra · 06/09/2025 09:48

You can only ask. I think babes in arms should be invited if the parents are , but depends on how the couple see it.

9 months isn’t a babe in arms though

godmum56 · 06/09/2025 10:56

Lafufufu · 06/09/2025 10:14

You decline verbally ie via conversation explaining youd love to attend but the baby can't be left yet.

You'll either be told to bring the baby

Or

they'll say " I understand..." / "cant you leave the baby? (Answer: no)

Either way you have your answer

This. Its really not a big deal. If they get snarky they aren't the friend you thought they were.

honeylulu · 06/09/2025 10:57

If your baby is non mobile then I think you can ask but make it clear you will accept a no. If she is crawling and/or will require a high chair then I don't think you can.

I've twice been refused bringing a much younger baby (4 weeks and 11 weeks respectively) which i thought was a bit mean but politely accepted.

You need to persevere with the bottle/cup anyway. At 9 months you should be able to leave your baby for a day. I was back at work before then after both mine.

Spookyspaghetti · 06/09/2025 10:59

By the way, although people can do what they want, this trend for not allowing babies under one to weddings is absolutely ridiculous. I’d never dream of putting a friend in that position.

Remingtonsteele · 06/09/2025 11:02

She’s not EBF at 9 months surely? Surely she’s on food and a cup of water? And dropping breast feeds?

She isn’t, at 9 months, a babe in arms either - is she not crawling or trying to call, pulling herself up to stand, babbling, shouting etc ?

I really don’t think you should ask.

DappledThings · 06/09/2025 11:06

For those saying the bride might be pissed off at being asked she might also be pissed off with some of the other suggestions of OP just leaving early.

Yet another situation where honesty is just the best policy. OP just needs to politely explain her situation and that she completely understands if no babies allowed and what her options are if tjey aren't, e.g. only coming for part of the day etc.

It is absolutely not rude to ask and it is perfectly possible to do so without putting the bride under any pressure.

CremeBruhlee · 06/09/2025 11:08

Half an hour each way you should absolutely do in the middle of the day (and again if needed at teatime). Sorry but I think that’s what I would do. If breastfeeding you won’t be drinking and you won’t be missed in all those hours for a few breaks. You would end up having to take more breaks than that with a baby in tow. I breastfed both of mine and had a child welcome wedding with babies and kids so I do understand but I wouldn’t ask to take my child at this age when they can exist on solids at this age for a short period of time. I would nip home or go for a shorter portion of the day. That said I did once have to frantically hand express upside down into a toilet when mine was this age when I went to a wedding and was massively engorged. I did a massive dream feed once I got home and oh the relief!

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/09/2025 11:11

gingercat02 · 06/09/2025 10:05

9 months no, a new born would be understandable. I think you decline the invitation and explain you can't leave her for that long as she won't take a bottle. They might offer to let her come, but don't ask.
Have you tried a cup of milk?

This.
Personally, I’d attend the ceremony or the wedding meal, not both, in your circumstances.

Cobbstown · 06/09/2025 11:11

No do not ask. Use this as massive incentive to get her to take a bottle or a cup. Try a sippy cup- mine preferred them. It will benefit you in lots of ways.