Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

What I would say (from experience watching a friend in similar circumstances) don't feel that you have to keep up for your ds' sake making sure he doesn't miss out on anything. She went from being fairly sensible to never saying no because she didn't want her dc to feel they'd missed out due to her "decision".

Don't get into the habit of thinking that this is a temporary blip and in 6 months all will be well, so getting the interest free huge TV you don't need, but might be nice, is a bad idea, however persuasive the sale's assistant was in the shop.
Again with my friend she just found every month she owed more and more because she was sure she'd be okay shortly, so would borrow to get something she didn't need.

I live in this amount each day and would say really think about everything you buy including the £3 coffee as everything adds up. Bulk make lunches for work and this will mean there are some days you don’t spend anything so can then eat out one evening that week. There are loads of great places where you can eat out for £20, just don’t drink.

I walk everywhere which is good for me and saves on transport. I buy pretty much all of my clothes second hand and only new if I really need it. Don’t go shopping at the weekends, it will only tempt you.

it will be a tough adjustment but it f you can change your mindset to most days being frugal and really thinking about what you spend (a new habit they may take getting used to) you can still do nice things for yourself

This will potentially be quite hard, and you may have some disappointments with friends .

I think you have to be honest and see who is willing to join you in the cheap seats.

No it doesn't!
When you work out disposable income that's money left after food, clothing, travel and bills.

1. Have you got everything you should have from your separation - don’t walk away without what you should have. Might seem easier but it isn’t.
2. Can you increase your income? Every bit helps and more money is the best route! Invest in yourself!
3. Can you rent a room out?
4. Sell on Vinted.
5. No spend months
6. meal plan and check all direct debits. Cancel everything you can but never insurances.
7. free food on Olio and similar - you might have local cheap food supermarkets - investigate
8. start building up an emergency fund
9. be happy you are free and let friends look after you
10. you can do it. I did similar - it was ok!

Sorry, I know it’s a typo but the “old baby Muslims” made me smile!

OP, try going into supermarkets a bit later and see if you can get any yellow sticker bargains (can be frozen). Eat simply and cheaply (have meat free days). Try shopping around at Home Bargains as well as Aldi and Lidl. If you’re on a day out, go to Spoons instead of an upmarket restaurant. Just try making small changes and see how it goes. It’s definitely doable with a few lifestyle changes.

I did pretty much all of these plus:

• kept my eyes open for free food (blackberries in hedgerows, apples and other produce given away by local gardeners)
• used local FB pages for free household items
• Cut up and cancel all credit and store cards but one for emergencies, which I kept in a drawer at home
• consolidated any credit card balances and bank loans into a single bank loan - ignoring the interest rate and looking only at the actual amount I had to pay each month, to help me budget. When things improved financially which they did after a couple of years, I could then up my payments to clear it quicker.
• sell any clutter/unused clothes etc on Vinted and move the proceeds into a savings account immediately- avoid the temptation to use them to buy new-to-you unless it really is something you have to buy.

I’ve had to cope with a significant salary reduction this year. I’m surprised by how well I’ve adjusted. I’ve cut bills where possible, stopped eating out as far as possible and I budget my weekly spending. I pick up some casual work where possible and I’ve been able to buy treat so I’m happy!

I think a lot of people on this thread are really delusional about how far £10-15pd goes, With that much left over after bills there are no “cheap seats” or meals in Wetherspoons surely! That will just cover basic groceries and essential clothing.

Can you earn more money OP? I’d try to get a £10k pay rise somehow, then you’d have enough money to get by.

Where’s the money gone? Have you sorted your financial settlement out?

Tips - Batch cook anything extra can be frozen - for the following week - rotate so you are in the habit

Look out for bargains when shopping.

Preplan everything, buy wrapping paper in rolls, bulk buy cards.

Check your bills and swap where you can, get rid of any subscriptions you don’t need,

Check if you are entitled to any benefits, especially if your aon is still in education, discount on council tax, prescriptions, glasses, etc - look out for grants for clothing if he still needs uniform.

Dont rush to buy new - look on vinted - there’s lots of choice!!

Instead of the gym go out and walk - make sure you do this daily.

Buy blankets to save on heating costs, my kids have been doing this since they were little. Same for thick socks.

Only heat the water when you need it.

Shop round for hair dressers etc there’s a huge difference in price - mine is £25 so charge closer to £80 and there’s no difference in outcome.

Shop own value goods, most are made in the same factories.

Invite friends to yours for wine and home cooked dinner or movie night!

Even look up Fakeaways recipes for a treat.

Talking of treats you need to build these in, if that’s chocolate make it a friday night treat, if it’s wine make it saturday’s only etc brings back the joy!!

Definitely my top tip is for your DS to get a part-time job. My 17 year old is able to fund her social life, clothes (Vinted), books (mostly second hand), haircuts, makeup etc all herself. It does make quite a big difference.

I don't think under £400 a month sounds like much if it's going to have to pay for petrol, car repairs, house repairs, and food for two people, plus birthdays, clothes etc.

I can't see how you can do food for 2 for less than £200 per month no matter which way you slice it. I spend about £40 per week on food just for me, but I recognise I'm not as frugal as I could be.

I think the key thing here OP is going to be being absolutely ruthless about not getting into debt. That amount of money is just about manageable (though anything you could do to top it up by even £100pcm would make a big difference I think), but if you end up with debts you have to pay I think it will be a spiral of difficulty.

food and essentials and house repairs are not fun money. That’s just life. If you’re paying them out of your fun money - you don’t have fun money

Contact your phone provider and ask for a free sim of unlimited texts and calls that last 6 months. Vodafone do this. Also various money charities can order white goods for you for free and you can get them within 48 hours. Water and energy companies can send energy vouchers/grants too. Food banks will let you visit once without a referral and many let you pick from a shopping list. Local councils often have support funds so ask. It’s not just always for those in receipt of benefits too.

If I were you I'd start making some extra money on the side. Think about what you have to offer. You could think of it as a fun new challenge now that your DS is independent. And I'd encourage DS to get an evening or Saturday job and to work next summer. Then he won't feel poor and he'll gain skills and something to put on his CV. 16 is the ideal time to get a first job, as employers don't have to pay you much, so he's likely to get a job offer. Then he'll have some experience on his CV and onwards and upwards...

Not quite the same but I went from a well paid full time job to a stay at home mum for a few years and it was a shock so you have my sympathies

I became a discount queen! Sites like Vinted are your friend, you’ll be amazed how much money you have lying in you and your sons wardrobes. It’s also good for picking up items at a really decent price. Squirrel what you make away for bigger events like birthdays and Christmas.

Food shopping - go at the end of the day and max out on the yellow sticker stuff especially if it’s freezable. Batch cooking is also your friend. It’s much cheaper to make enough of something for a few meals than to cook as you go.

Up The Gains and Money Saving Expert are great for tips and tricks to maximise your money. Quidco and Topcashback can give you money back on purchases and if you are a public sector worker (education, police, BHS etc) then there are more discounts available via Blue Light.

Sounds obvious but don’t buy takeout coffees and make your own lunch each day for work - it will save you hundreds through the year.

Good luck, you are more than able to manage this.

Lived like this for most of my adult life, you will be fine.

I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me 3 or 4 times in life. You’ll spend more thoughtfully, look out for offers and sales, collect supermarket loyalty points etc. I survived on salad and tea at my parents twice a week for a few weeks once as I had very little left for food once the debts have been paid. Can you ex partner help out with DS’s school trips etc?

Join neighbourhood groups on social media. Any that are in walking distance of where you live, join them.

I often use these groups to spot posts like "box of books outside number X take any you like for free" or "apples outside Y for free".

I've found out about free local events on them.

I've been able to spot local jumble sale trail days. (Good for selling or just for a change of a day, wandering and chatting and finding some bargains).

I've found out there are a few little free libraries nearby! The cute little wooden box ones. ❤️

Speaking of libraries join the local one and pop in regularly.

Also, join Olio and Too good to go for free and cheap foods.

I'd also recommend joining vinted and selling anything you or DS no longer wear, and using your vinted funds to buy on there any new clothes you NEED. I do this and it keeps the spending low, and I'm now more mindful and choosy about what clothes I bring into the house.

Yep, the hard things was friends, they were used to meeting up for long boozy evening meals in restaurants. Had to find other ways of socialising….i was honest with people and most of them got it.

I was going to name change for this but it will be more helpful to come from my usual stance.
I've been very well off but got diagnosed with ovarian cancer in January. They think it's gone along with the plumbing!
I'd been ill but worked until last July. I actually couldn't drive or walk. I fainted all the time and couldn't get out of bed. I lost my six figure salary. I've two adult DC. A lower paid husband and a student DD with SEN. Our mortgage went up and it's huge.
My building society have been shit. They refused an intetest only mortgage which I could afford and thought I had the option of in my agreement. I fought them off taking my house and I've got an offer so I can downsize but it's been very hard. We lost a huge amount of money in the banking crash. We had recovered then bam. I never thought I'd go through this again. I'm no longer working or in receipt of benefits. We manage on very little. I'm a trained cook and can make a meal out of nothing. I don't drive far if at all and I sell my old corporate clothes on ebay. My DC are great. The grew up with feast or famine as kids. If I was working it was Marks otherwise I'm in the lidl. That bit doesn't bother me. Some friends drifted away, a couple stayed. The DC recycle their stuff and like charity shops as do I.
My son went to sixth form in Ralph Lauren shirts care of our hospice shops.
Make a budget and look at any allowances. I didn't and lost out whist I was pulling pensions to survive.
Make sure you've got life insurance. Luckily I did and it pays the bastard bank off if I die.
What reletive poverty has shown me is we don't need stuff. Family and good health are worth more. Thinks will improve. Good luck.

I have no advice, but I’m in a similar situation. I was a fairly high earner, nothing insane but I wasn’t stressed about money constantly like I was years ago. I was made redundant earlier this year, and despite applying for so many jobs, I’m still jobless ad the market right now is just awful, so we’ve really had to cut back. I got some redundancy, but we’re really starting to feel the pinch. I was the main earner, my partner works full time but was on a third of what I was.

I get how you’re feeling 🩷

If you're not really fussed about repetitive food (especially on days you're living alone) then just stick with extremely simple but nutritious meals. A fried egg and two slices of toast is my lazy meal and I could eat that for breakfast and dinner. Two boiled eggs mashed with some butter and salt is also a meal. Lunch would be chopped tomato, some cucumber and sweetcorn to get vitamins plus a banana or apple somewhere during the day. That's at least 4 servings of fruit & veg plus fibre. Steamed rice with a can of tuna, some sweetcorn and mayo is another meal with clean, whole ingredients. Jacket potatoes with beans or chopped veg. Don't scrimp on things that add flavour like butter, salt, mayo, balsamic vinegar etc because those make the meals edible over a longer time.

Vinted is great and lidl and aldi are fine good quality stuff just less choice . Can u sell some stuff ?

Could you take in some ironing?