Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

Check you’re getting everything you’re entitled to, if your ds is in full time education you will get a 25% discount on your council tax.

Go through your direct debits, cancel anything you don’t need and check if you can get a better deal on everything else.

Save money every month for birthdays, Christmas, household essentials (ie if the washing machine breaks) and holidays. Even when I was at my most skint I still prioritised saving a small amount of money over other things.

Can your 16yo get himself a Saturday job? My dd worked from 16 and paid for her own make up and socialising etc.

Being organised helps, I’m not a naturally organised person but I know making packed lunches and planning ahead saves a lot of money so I force myself to be organised!!

Also shop in Aldi/lidl that in itself will save a load of money!

Second hand clothes
bulk shop at Lidl/aldi
batch cook meals
Dont drink/smoke
have freeview tv)if you really want a paid tv app on top do one- Netflix or prime etc and swap every 6 months or so.
Basic skin care routine
box dye hair with a couple of trims a year
shop around for all utilities/insurance
your son gets a job to cover some of his costs
Do exercise classes free on u tube
walking - exercise plus saves using car

I know I had it good (and I knew that at the time too).

I am not asking for sympathy, mainly because I think I will be happier. I just started the thread because I am nervous, and also because it is a massive come down and I probably haven’t thought of things that will trip me up. Plus it is useful to hear other people’s stories.

For clarity, £10-15 a day includes food but DS will only be with me half the week.

Thanks so so much for all the replies - I am really appreciating them all.

It will be tight, but here's some tips, from someone who knows...

Clothes - think really hard before buying anything, and check Vinted first. Things like coats which you might have bought for over £100 new, can be £10 on Vinted.

Food - this is the biggest issue. Switch to Lidl or Aldi. Google how to make cheap meals.

Trips - camping, cheap cottages etc. Can be just as nice as expensive trips. Use Tesco clubcard vouchers for Railcards etc.

Breakages/repairs - fingers crossed not too many, but watch YouTube for DIY.

And finally, check out the Money Saving Expert website for tips on everything. For example, if you need a new phone contract, see what he has to say first etc etc.

You will be fine.

if you can set up a direct debit of £10 a month into a savings account, it will add up before you know it.
I’ve got one for christmas / birthdays
one for vet bills
and a general one. I try to avoid using it (even for those things) but it’s there if I need it.

meal plan and Aldi. My favourite is cooking a large piece of meat for the week. I recently got a reduced brisket, did masala cardamom brisket. Then we had it for the week with rice one night, wraps another, roast potatoes another.
other times I do lentil bolognaise, that does 2 dinners and then I turn it into lasagne.
Ive I’ve I see reduced chickens I get one. Roast it up, carve it up and have it in the fridge for the teens to eat, same with sausages.
noodles are great snacks for them, especially if you can get extra tasty bits to go in. Jarred chilli, garlic, ginger, soy sauce. Egg on top. It’s a tasty snack for them.

channel your inner 80’s mum “we’ve got ice cream at home”
“we’ve got coffee at home” when out and about. then on the odd occasion you do have them, you’ll appreciate it so much more. same with takeaways and meals out.

we go on McFlurry runs for fun in our house on a Saturday night. Or hop in the car and go to the coast for chips, it’s not expensive (depending where you are!). Fills the time and stops you sitting at home, doom scrolling ignoring each other.

walks and picnics when the weathers nice (my teens love a picnic).

restaurants are struggling at the moment so sign up for everything as there’s a fair few discounts to be had.
I’m lucky my teens are second hand shop obsessed, so we spend a lot of Sundays going around them and kilo sales (if you can bare the chaos of them!)

you’ll be ok, it will become habit and it will get easier.

We also love the too good to go app. You never know what you get.
we have talked about making it a competition one day. Going somewhere with a lot of restaurants and seeing who gets the best bag.

If your teen can find a supermarket job the discount and freebies can be really useful.
Tesco treat and pay their 16 year olds well and it looks good on a CV.

Exactly! I don’t have that much and didn’t realise I was supposed to feel skint

I wouldn't consider food fun money personally. If op has £10-£15 after bills for food and any savings and fun, that's £300-£450 a month roughly, at least half of that will go on food for her and her son realistically

I got absolutely obsessed with the Dave Ramsey podcast and now am in the best financial shape I’ve ever been in despite both me and my husband earning about half what we were a few years ago due to moving out of London and both going freelance (this will hopefully improve!) really eye opening - our main issue was no budget / just saying yes! Good luck it can be done x

Budget for absolutely everything. Christmas is coming and you can explain to people that you don't have the money this year. We had to do it when our kids were little but they had presents from loads of people. Slash the list. I love Christmas but it helped me to think about the fact that many people I knew could buy pretty much anything they wanted (we can't) so the gift was a token. I still give the token but it's a Christmas decoration rather than a dishwasher! Suggest to some people you stop. If there's a group of friends all meat for coffee instead.
Menu plan. There's loads of ideas on line. I have Tesco delivery because I find that it stops me buying random stuff. I price match to Aldi. I buy the rest in Aldi. Cut out expensive snacks and fruit.
Don't go recreational shopping. I keep a shopping list on my phone. I have found it's helped me think about whether I really need it.
Look around your house and think about what could be sold.
Get books at the library or charity shop.
When you do a budget, you could give your son a clothes budget. It doesn't have to be a lot. It a good way of him realising that he only has a certain amount to spend and to be wise with it.
Find the cheapest place where you live for coffee with a friend. In my town it's the library . Go old style and invite them to your house!
Be prepared for all the invitations that you may have to turn by having something to say "oh I'm sorry I can't make it the Ritz for a cream tea. How about you come over next week or we meet in the library "

I will have just under £400 for everything after direct debits. So that needs to cover food.

I am not particularly hungry so that helps. The rented flat has a tiny freezer so that doesn’t help.

I don’t know where the fun money thing came from. It doesn’t feel very fun at all.

Can you say: I can't join this time, but would you like go watch a movie / play board games at mine on X date? Its bring and share supper. So you can still have fun for no extra cost.

Instead of the gym can you try a local sports group or activity? The ones for adults and older teens usually have pay as you go options unlike kids swimming classes. They are usually cheaper anyway.

My advice is to have a really good think about what “wealthy” feels like- what did you envy as a child? What sorts of things make your heart sing?

If you can pinpoint what that is, you start to get clarity on the things that you don’t really care about. I mean if I won the lottery tomorrow and bought a flash car and a boat it would impress other people but I don’t care a whit about those things. I do love nice fabrics though. Rich me would buy those new, and poor me has to settle for what I can find on vinted or the charity shop. But I still don’t feel as skint as I would buying in Primark.

My sil, by contrast, loves buying new clothes. It’s the newness that appeals, and that slight stiffness in the fabric. So rich sil shops for pleasure and poor sil buys occasionally from primark. But she would feel really skint if she was buying in the charity shop.

It's really useful to look through a month of spending and see what was going where - you have to approach it with curiosity not recrimination, or self pity. It’s incredibly insightful to categorise it all, especially if you were lucky enough not to need to think about it. Because I guarantee there will be categories where the total will make your eyes pop, compared to the value you got from that spending.

It can help if you can tie frugality to a passion (environmentalism) or a hobby (gardening, home cooking).

What I’m getting at with all this is watch your mindset. It’s not possible to keep denying, and denying yourself. That inevitably leads to a splurge. By eliminating some of the self pity for things you don’t actually miss or care about, you reduce the mental load.

but you have £10 per day?
that could be treated as spare?

can you claim child benefit?

Hi BenignKipper
i can completely empathise here, almost exactly the same situation, apart from 2 kids. After bills I have £400 per month for clothes, any days/nights out, fuel etc. It is doable, no money for savings, so constant worry for the future. I struggle when ExDH takes the kids on luxury holidays 2/3 times a year, buys them whatever they want, goes out for dinner or takeaway when ever they want and generally throws money at them.
But I try and see it as giving them life skills by modelling real life and talking to them about saving/pensions/earning for themselves and how to cook and run a home.
o hope you will work this out and eventually you will get there!

i used jack munroe, cooking on a bootstrap, if that is still available, for cheap budget meals

Don't go shopping/near shops unless you actually need something. Go tot he shop you need & don't go window-shopping anywhere else.

Clothes from charity shops/sales, put away decent old ones that you're fed up with & get them out again in a few months, or sell them.

Re-read books/buy second-hand copies/go to the library instead of buying.

Do your own nails/hair/skincare. If you wear makeup, look online to find out what are the cheap dupes for expensive products.

For birthdays/Christmas, ask for things you need or would like but can't afford or for vouchers from shops you like.

Invite people over for a meal/cup of coffee/go for a walk with them instead of meeting in restaurants & coffee shops.

Take your own coffee/water when you go out instead of buying it.

Do yoga/weights at home/take up running/walking instead of the gym.

Buy a flask for coffee and take drinks/snacks whenever you're out. You won't need the gym if you walk where possible. Talk to friends and agree to reduce present buying. The library is good and charity shops are fun for a rummage. Love the clothes you already have and embrace the capsule wardrobe when they start to wear out.

I'd rejig your figures with the weekly food shop included in your bills.

Then you have a real figure of what's left over.

i've been there with the tiny freezer. It's still worth batch cooking in as much as cooking enough on Sunday to cover Monday and Tuesday. I'm not necessarily talking about the whole meal.

Do you have an Aldi nearby? Best place for shopping.

Is there anything you can sell? It's really worth doing.

I hear you OP, my DH has just lost his job. My wages aren’t enough to cover the basics for a family of 4 (one at uni). I’m terrified.

I have been there. Went from a two income family to just my admin salary.

I didn't need to buy new clothes as I had plenty. The thing that helped me was doing my grocery shopping online. You aren't tempted by offers and you can see how much you're spending. I know you need to pay for delivery, but i saved a lot by sticking to what I needed and not what I wanted. Also buying own branded food, washing powders etc .... they are just as good.

Good luck OP, you'll be fine.

Walking and running are free and save you money on transport and plenty of housework and gardening keeps you fit. Some parks have adult fitness things like beams and bars.