Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

When I divorced I couldn’t go out as I had no one to baby sit as my parents did the school run for me. My great friends decided they’d come to mine once a month. We all chipped in for a couple of bottles and nibbles and they were some of my most fun nights at the time

It's really hard going from the marital income down to one. I've done it.

What I did and still do,
Always take coffee and water out with me, so no temptation to buy one, especially on the way into work

Packed lunch for work, everyday.

Set aside an amount for food shopping and order online, get a delivery saver pass. Or withdraw the cash and only use that if shopping in store.

Google is your friend if you need to purchase something, ie skincare, as you can price compare. Lookfantastic.com offer great discounts.

If you have an Amazon prime account you can read books for free on their kindle app, they're labelled "prime reading". Amazon are often cheaper for household cleaning items, look at the per ml/kg price. The big name brands that are listed first are usually the most expensive.

Whatever money you have left at the end of the week put aside into a separate account. £5 or £10 a week quickly grows!

Any potential purchase leave in the online basket for an hour, and then return, you may not need the item as much as you think you do.

Look through your bank statement for last month and see what subscription payments are going out, you may be paying for things twice, or not need any longer, ie if you have sky TV you don't need a separate Netflix account as it is included in the Sky TV package.
Good luck 🤞🏻

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. That sounds daunting to be honest. Maybe you should think of working a day off? Or start a side hustle. You would be surprised at the money working just an extra day, I’d say it’s worth it for the nice things you like. ❤️

You will have to swap spending money for spending time. I think if you plan two hours a day plus one weekend a month tb to replace what you would have spent easily you will find it easier.

Plan meals, batch cook, shop at Aldi or Lidl for what you can get there and limit your top up shops. Wear clothes multiple times to cut down on washing, use Economy 7 for hot washes every night. Car wash can be done yourself. Cleaning needs to be scheduled in or it won't happen. Same for gardening and ironing.

This happened to me. Made redundant from a ridiculously high paying contracting job no savings, a huge tax bill looming. After the initial shock and scrambling about trying to keep up the lifestyle I conceded defeat. Found it strangely liberating, I could no longer spend £10 on coffees a day or fritter on stuff I didn’t need or even remember. It brought a lot of clarity. I say now it was easy (with hindsight) but it really wasn’t. No advice really, just you can do it and it does wonders to focus the mind. Good luck

@BenignKipper I'm confused as to how divorce has changed you from "well off" to "completely skint." Was your partner a low earner who has received a payout from you following the divorce? Or was your partner a high earner who subsidised your income/lifestyle?

I think I'm curious more than anything else. I'm single and I've heard of the "single tax," so I want to understand how going from married to single completely changes someone's finances.

Side hustle for cash. Google it..see what works for you. Try to save from the side hustle. Need a pot of cash. Look into your bank itself... Are you using the best one? Depending on what your income is, can you claim UC? Are you maximising any benefits from work? If you have private healthcare thru them, do you need it? You end up paying for it via P11D... Same with other benefits.

With no spare cash, and change in lifestyle, coming into winter, try not to isolate yourself. Make sure you plan to do things. If son is away half the week, make sure you have things to focus on- friend over for dinner etc?

When I divorced I had a 13 yr old and 10 yr old and things were very tight.

Sell whatever you can live without on Vinted. Take good photos and for more expensive items, have a good look at what they are being listed at. Do you have any pricey handbags? They sell well.

Can you get a second job/side hustle? It doesn’t sound like you have much wriggle room on outgoings, so you need to increase your income.

I also took in foreign language students (beautiful 16 year old girls - DS was in heaven!) and that helped.

You will recover in time. 💐

This. You’re far from skint.

You're not completely skint. Budget carefully and you'll be fine, just like most people.

I posted a rather flippant comment and I am sorry, I should have read more from the OP. I have no spends days and just use what is in the freezer and cupboards for meals, sometimes I eat odd combos that turn out to be really tasty. I walk a lot, I menu plan and don't buy snacks, which is good for my health as well as my budget. Well I do buy biscuits, as I am very far from perfect, but no crisps, and nibbles. If I am really hungry I have a piece of toast. Shop at Aldi, B and M for cleaning stuff, I also had a massive sort out of my clothes and realised I have a lot of nice stuff and only buy if I really need something.

Yellow labels!!! Friday night I spent £60 at Waitrose on what should have been £250. My freezer is chockablock! I buy a lot of my clothes from Vinted as I don’t like paying full price. Most of them are new with tags and only about £5 for a dress. I find every voucher and freebie going. I’ve got tonnes of perfume and beauty samples all for free. Join Latest Free Stuff. If you’re on Facebook “like” the big beauty brands and they will send you posts when they launch a new product so you can sign up to try it. Become a product tester. There’s loads of stuff you can sign up for to get free products. If you’re bored at night do paid surveys. Sign up for mystery shopping -I used to get free meals out for 2 by doing reviews.

Completely Skint but you have 400 pounds at the end of the month for FUN? OMG.. You don't know what it is to be skint!!!!!!!!

Download the app “Olio” and see if there is anything available in your area. Hopefully you will be able to collect enough food to feed yourself when your ds is at his dads and perhaps most of what you need for both of you. That might let you put the daily £10 to £15 aside for emergencies some days.

Also check that you are getting everything you are entitled to. I don’t know your income but as you have a child and are renting you may be eligible for some Universal Credit.

Encourage your ds to get a part time job. My ds had a job for 15 hours a week for his last 2 years at school. It enabled him to fund his own lifestyle including driving lessons and he is now working there full time.

It probably won’t be easy but if you are happier it will be worth it.

My heart bleeds for you , welcome to the real world

As well as saving/ saving/saving and all the above advice

I would seriously consider a way to earn extra money. Some extra-hours some evenings or at the weekend in another job would make a big difference. Even working Saturday mornings or something, but it adds up.

I know there's always a race to the bottom on MN, and people survive on £12 a year with 7 kids 🙄, but in reality, it will be tight, and any add-ons will be useful.

Having kids is hard, 16 yo are not cheap.

Disposable income should not include food expenses.

Sell what you can, eat from the cupboards and freezer one week at month and redo your budget to include food as a fixed expense.

Only buy clothes, etc when absolutely necessary.

What do you mean exactly by "the real world"? As opposed to...?

If someone doesn't have the exact income and benefits as you have, they come from Planet Mars?

I do sympathise with your situation. Can i ask, if you had a good job and lots of spare cash how do you now have nothing? Are yoh still working and earning? Did you and your husband buy a house?

I appreciate it will be hard to adjust. As well as spending wisely, I’d see if you can supplement your main income with some additional work.
Could you do some work that is also something you enjoy or is sociable so doesn’t feel too worklike or gives you free membership of something you enjoy. Eg gym receptionist or waitressing at evening events? Even babysitting? Or look at work from home evening roles?

I'm sure OP will be fine too. But the transition from an easy lifestyle a person is used to, to something harder isn't easy.

Some advice and tips would have been more useful.

Yeah, I don't understand this either. Did he fleeze you in the divorce?

@Crazybigtoe Side hustle for cash. Google it..see what works for you.

The issue with the "side hustle" culture is that once you delve into it, you'll find dozens of videos of "bros" who claim they became rich by selling stuff on amazon, or by selling AI-generated books for children.

Firstly start by seeing if you are eligible for any top up benefits like Universal Credit etc..
Explain to family, friends and colleagues exactly how it is, and don't be afraid to turn down an outing or event by being honest and saying that you can't afford it. True friends will cancel a meal out and turn up with a bottle of wine and some nibbles.
Tell family and friends that Christmas and birthdays will look different from now on and whatever you do, dont be tempted to go into any debt.
We have had a couple of years where we have decided to totally stop any overconsumption. We felt we really needed to top up our savings so we made it into a challenge, no new clothes unless we really needed something and then it was from vinted or a charity shop. No expensive toiletries or cosmetics. No eating out or takeaways unless it was one of the kids birthdays. No take away coffee's or lunches. We sold one car and have managed perfectly well with just one, it takes some juggling but it works. We shop in Lidl and batch cook and bake. The kids have got on board too and love selling unwanted stuff on Vinted.
Family and friends have been amazing, I used to meet my girlfriends for bottomless brunches. Now we take flasks of coffee and cakes to the beach.
It doesn't have to be all hard graft and gruelling.
It will be scary at first but you'll manage because you have to.
Good luck and best wishes

Not going to solve all your money issues but I use cashback cards on apps like tuck and JamDoughnut. I buy my Tesco voucher from there so have food money for the month put aside and get 5% cashback if I buy it at the end of the month when they have increased cash back. I earn a couple of hundred a year which might be good to save up for Christmas etc