Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

You sound bright , determined and resourceful OP, you'll be ok. It will be a struggle at times but as long as you both have your health, you'll overcome whatever life throws at you.

My tip for cooking, big joints of meat (if meat eaters) go a long way; one large chicken, pork loin etc will provide a weeks worth of meals.

If you have any outdoor space, even room for a couple of pots, plant lettuces, tomato's and beans...ive not bought any of these from shops since May and ive enough beans in the freezer to last me through the winter.

I've foraged for blackberries, apples and damsons, made loads of jam and crumbles.

We eat better on a budget than buying anyone from M and S xx

I don’t think anyone has mentioned it yet but check out moneysavingexpert - there is a great weekly email with lots of deals and hints/tips and the forums are great.

For the gym thing - get some weights second hand off Facebook Marketplace so you can still exercise at home. Yoga and Pilates on YouTube are perfectly good too.

Switch to doing the food shop at Aldi, we spend £60 there rather than £110 elsewhere.

Meal plan… no ‘whatever you fancy’ when you fancy it. Freeze any leftovers, fruit that’s going to turn and bread. Then you’ll always have meals stocked up.

Start a budgeting spreadsheet on Sheets and enter everything in religiously.

For food shopping, make sure you use the loyalty card/app etc. With Sainsbury’s, you can unlock lower prices for certain items and they will give you bonus points for buying others/spending a certain amount. I find it really adds up. Freeze yellow sticker items for use later, eg. Bread. More cooking from scratch, any thing left over can be frozen for another day. Eg, I’m only using half a pepper, I cut up and freeze the rest to add to chilli another day. Also make sure you check cashback for you bank account! Good luck ☘

I am similar as I’m going from well paid job down to 2 days a week partial retirement next week. I have started saving already. Our book club book next month I would normally have ordered it up for £11 but I’ve just requested it in library for pick up. I went online earlier to buy a spiraliser for £20 and then thought - I have one already in the cupboard. I will use that instead. it’s just a different mindset.

Ok @BenignKipper can you cook from scratch and make enough for 2 evenings?
Can you meal plan, use an online shop and stick to a budget?

Have you properly checked you are receiving all the help you are entitled to?
Google the 'entitled2' website. Takes a few minutes.

Could you ds get a small job to pay for his own luxuries?
Does he get a maintenance payment from the divorce?
Evening job for you?

I am sympathetic. Ironically I became better of after divorce as I wasn't paying for exh hobbies and habits!

Where’s his dad is this? Is he contributing to your son’s expenses?? School trips, food etc? Can he cover his gym membership?

That isn't just fun money though, it's obviously for food and clothes etc for her and her kids. 400 quid for all that is not necessarily going to be easy! I dont think the OP meant she had 400 quid a month for cinema visits etc.

I use a Monzo account to put money into separate pots. So for example I have my hair cut and coloured every 12 weeks for around £90. So I have a pot that I put £30 pcm in. The kids have a birthday pot that I put in X amount in once a month. There’s a contingency pot for unforeseen stuff (new tyre for example) and a social pot so that I allocate money for the month for things in the calendar. There’s a small savings pot, and one towards holidays. It all starts to add up and I have more control over my monthly salary

Sorry, people on MN can be absolute arseholes at time. You are going through a difficult time and don't need to justify yourself to any randoms on here.

You've had a lot of good advice so I've nothing to add in that department. Just wanted to chip in to tell you to ignore the miserable arses on here who enjoy bashing anyone mildly better off than them.

Honestly, it's something you get used to. First thing to do is look at every item on your bank statement to see where you are overpaying for basics or can cut back. Then budget. That means putting money away every month for birthdays, Christmas, car repairs, holidays, emergencies. Cut right back on your food shop.

I lived on very little for a year after my divorce, then sold the house I was in and bought a flat. It was the mortgage that was knackering me.

Peace on mind makes up for lack of stuff.

You need to work out the budget minus essentials which includes fuel and food.

With a 16yo Ds to feed you could easily spend £70 a week just on food, you need to go through everything again as yes it sounds like your budget will not be sustainable.

Download the MSE budget planner so that you can work out exactly what your monthly costs are , it includes annual costs so you can put away for annual birthday presents, quarterly haircuts or whatever.

Be honest with your friends and just say that you can't afford it since the divorce.
Don't get into debt, if you can't afford it you don't buy it.

Use Top Cashback for anything that you buy online, you will start to accumulate cashback that you can exchange for cash/vouchers for Christmas. I use them for DD's Christmas presents.

Sell stuff on Vinted and you can then use the money to buy more stuff, or cash it in. I accumulated mine to afford a cheap holiday (£400) initially, then after that I used the balance to buy DD's presents. I have sold all sorts of things, toiletries/makeup/clothing/shoes/toys/books/ornaments,

No luxuries, so hair/nails/coffees/lunches, all need to go now. If you have a TV subscription, just have 1 at a time and rotate them.

Shop in Lidl/Aldi if near you, and the cheapest supermarket for anything you can't get at the other. Look out for the reduced food section.

Absolutely recommend MoneySavingExpert.com, the Old Style money saving forums. Absolute godsend with monthly grocery challenges etc

I’m in a similar boat OP due to seperation and it makes me nervous, so thank you for this thread

Just to say that Martin Lewis has a lot of ideas to save money and also about how to get cheap or free gym visits.

Have you ever given blood? There's a website called We Donate and it also offers lots of discounts

It's a bit of a shock to the system but we humans are adaptable! As others have said budget supermarkets are a godsend as is the reduced section of any supermarket. Make a list of what you need and stick to it. Batch cook if you can, pack a lunch, check out your local public transport's travel pass - depending on where you live, you might be able to do without a car or keep it's use to a minimum. Definitely, have a wardrobe clear out - eBay is good not sure about Vinted. Check out your jewellery box too - there might be some decent stuff in there that you never wear that could be sold on. Basically, be ruthless - if you don't use it/wear it - move it on for extra cash.

Also do you have Saturday mornings free? Could you do a parkrun - free and it's not compulsory to have expensive coffee and cake afterwards :)

Yes do you have any unused jewellery? The price of gold is sky high, you might be surprised what you get for it.

I do think your DS's dad has to take some responsibility if he has a much higher income. E.g. he can pay for the gym and school trips etc. I appreciate it will still be tricky for you, but at least then you aren't worrying about the impact on your DS.

I don't think haircuts are a luxury if you have a job, you have to look presentable. That is something you need to budget for unless you can do it yourself. But you might find a cheap(er) mobile hairdresser or someone who works out of their home, it's worth asking in a local Facebook group.

Yes I was also thinking about this - surely he can cough up for school trips and you son's gym.

My top skint tips...for a week or so write down everything you spend, it's surprising how little bits here and there add up. Buy a 10 or 20kg bag of potatoes if you can, cheaper than supermarket bags, filling, and there are many ways with potatoes. Join your local buy nothing/free stuff groups. You may now qualify for child benefit etc so check entitlements there. Definitely use Topcashback and if you're disciplined, use a cashback credit card but always pay it off. Good luck but you sound like you have it under control :)

Yes river swimming will save you a fortune

Can I recommend Parkrun for you and DS if you don't do it already? Hopefully there'll be one near you. It's totally free and is just such a great way to start your weekend.

Best of luck with it all OP. You sound lovely.