Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

Be honest with your friends. Tell them your financial situation, that you'd still like to meet up with them, but you'll meet them at the venue because you can't afford dinner out right now.

Be proactive in finding free/ cheap cultural events, and invite them along.

Normalise having people round for a simple meal again (didn't we used to do this all the time?!)

In reading your replies I think the freedom you find will soon help you adjust as you find peace and happiness again.
Practically I’d look at a monthly budget for food, petrol and clothes etc. consider selling on Vinted to pare back your wardrobe and have more fun money. Have a fun budget- both you and your son. Even if it’s £30 it could be that your host more at home etc.
id also recommend sinking funds.

When I was in uni I was made homeless overnight. Was living with bf at the time, he was physically abusive to me once and I demanded we give notice on our flat I said “I’ll sleep on the streets before I sleep next to you again” and we handed it in. 28 days, he found a room in a week and I couldn’t find one for 6 months. Lived in my mates studio with all my stuff in boxes and my cat (who he tried to fucking steal btw). We shared a bed, I slept on the floor on the first night but she heard me crying and said she couldn’t see me crying and sleeping on the floor. Had to hide often when maintenance people were round and we only had one key as I was not supposed to be there.

What I failed to consider when I said I wanted to leave was that he paid for everything, I had no money. I had some money from the uni which did keep me afloat with food ect when I was homeless, but I had nothing. I could not go home as that would mean losing my place at uni and also my mum didn’t have the money to keep me really, so I didn’t tell her or my dad. Managed to find a place after 6 months of trying because my former employer took pitty on me and let me rent one of his flats for discount and no deposit. Four years later me and my now DH brought the flat off him. Abusive ex still lives in the same room he was renting and has gone bald. Happy ending.

Even though it made me technically homeless I am glad I moved out at the first instance of abuse because he absolutely would have done it again. I am also glad that he is suffering and hope his suffering continues for many years to come because I don’t believe in forgive and forget ☺️☺️☺️.

I hear you. It’s rubbish having to say no to social events. Are there close friends you can explain your situation to, who will be happy to swap a meal out for simple food in, or coffee for a walk in park?

I think the trick is to aim for a couple of days of very very low spend a week - which allow syou to put a bit of money aside for when you do want to spend. So planning a few super super budget meals a week etc is a good start.

It's also worth checking what "fat" might still be in your budget without realising it. DH and I are about to go through this exercise again as we've been letting things creep up and while our income is good, we have some debts etc and we need to get them paid off. I'm particularly paying attention to the food shop for this purpose.

when we were DC and very skint, my mum used to draw cash for the weekly costs. I did the same a few years ago. it allowed me to see exactly what I was spending and potentially put aside a bit every week if I had leftover at the end of the week.

Yes - I am lucky to have friends with a wide range of budgets, and none of my friends are dicks 😊 so I am sure they will be flexible and not mind meeting up for a walk or whatever.

But my lifestyle of group friends is different. They will continue to plan trips out together and want to include me (no way can I afford the same restaurants, even once a month). I will be fine but I will miss it. And things like treating my goddaughter etc.

Agreed even when I was on benefits I was able to put £12.50 away into a Stocks and shares Isa. It’s incredibly handy if the fridge breaks etc.

For seeing friends - surely they will get it? You can take turns to host instead of eating out, use voucher deals for the cinema etc. I love meeting friends for a long walk with picnic.
theatre visits are a total luxury, so be very selective about what you see.

There is a mindset you need to adopt when shopping, and that is do you really need it? Do you absolutely need to buy that particular item, or is there a cheaper alternative?

Yeah, back to emphasise being proactive in this one.

"Anyone fancy coming to the X Festival of Dance (free, council sponsored) in the park? We could have a picnic!"

"I've always fancied going to see that ancient monument. There's a really nice walk up to it....we could have a pint at that lovely pub afterwards!" (Just one obviously, because you're driving aren't you 😆)

"Did you hear that Y group of artists are having an exhibition? It's the opening night on Thursday, want to go?" (free, obviously!)

I mean, they'll rumble you. But as friends, they'll hopefully also appreciate your efforts to find cheap stuff you can all do together.

Yeah, back to emphasise being proactive in this one.

"Anyone fancy coming to the X Festival of Dance (free, council sponsored) in the park? We could have a picnic!"

"I've always fancied going to see that ancient monument. There's a really nice walk up to it....we could have a pint at that lovely pub afterwards!" (Just one obviously, because you're driving aren't you 😆)

"Did you hear that Y group of artists are having an exhibition? It's the opening night on Thursday, want to go?" (free, obviously!)

I mean, they'll rumble you. But as friends, they'll hopefully also appreciate your efforts to find cheap stuff you can all do together.

I’m with you OP, looking at separating and it’ll be tight. I’ve not had a life of luxury but am able to take kids out at weekends and have a few meals out.
Im moving to somewhere we can walk more so that will hopefully cut down on expenses and this is very boring but already buying little Xmas and birthday presents.

I’m hoping the joy and freedom of separation will be visible to my DC, they will have a happier mum and I will embrace having their friends round which doesn’t cost anything and they love it and it becomes very important as teens.

Nice days out could be museums and lots of walks and just planning around being home for meals times etc and lift sharing. Good luck!

i was in a similar situation when I left an abusive relationship. I became a very savvy shopper . I saved shop loyalty points for special times like Christmas. I tried to use the car as little as possible. I was honest with friends and if we went for dinner I just had a main course and paid my own bill They understood . They just wanted to see me. My phone is second hand and I have a sim only contract. My phone contract gives a £1 coffee every week and through Compare the Market I get 2for1 cinema tickets. I signed up to Showfilmfirst for reduced price show tickets when they are not full . In September it’s English Heritage week with lots of free activities. You can still have a life you just have to search for cheap activities. We are coming through the other side now but I can’t deny it has been a slog. Worth it though for the freedom and not walking on eggshells . My next step is to try and build an emergency fund so there is no panic when we have a domestic emergency . Some good tips on Moneysavingexpert . Good luck . You can make it work x

You will find out who the real friends are - which could be a blessing in disguise. The ones that matter will change their plans and agree to a cuppa and a cake at home rather than keep doing fancy days out.

Facebook local pages are quite a good source for free events etc for example our local park often has local bands on Sundays so you just take a rug, thermos and a picnic!

TopCashback is great - we just cashed out £190 for a slap up ‘end of the summer’ meal out on stuff we would have bought anyway - mostly switching car / house suppliers

You can do loads of fitness stuff without gym memberships - and together still. Walking to the supermarket and carrying the bags back for starters. Use your car as little as poss, and check the petrol prices app for cheap fuel.

Check out the Trolley App, HotUKDeals and MoneySavingExpert - all brilliant. BBC good food for great recipe ideas and I love Thrifty Lesley too!

If your employer has an employee discount / benefits schemes, check it out and take advantage of discounted gift vouchers etc.

Use all the apps & maximise - nectar give you 25-35% off lots of what you buy + points, lidl give you fee veg (choose 7.5kg potatoes) for £50 spend & free snack (choose 36 pack of crisps) at £100. Their periodic spin & win promotions give you free cakes & fruit daily! Tesco points can be converted to meals out at Zizzis for free. Learn to stack all the offers & deals.

Check out Farmfoods (they also do money-off vouchers) and Home Bargains.

And squirrel... move your round-ups etc into a MoneyBox S&S ISA.

We don't have loads, but we eat & live well by taking advantage of all the above and more. Good luck 👍

We went from doing okay to completely broke in the last recession. Having a budget and meal planning were the things that made a difference. Not spending unless needed is a mindset shift too. We were also in a lot of debt, which was manageable until it wasn’t.

Now in a good place financially and I would never get into debt again, I prioritise saving and am much more thoughtful with spending than I was. My eldest was a baby, but remembers ‘the Lidl years’ and is quite good at budgeting and being thoughtful with spending (she’s now 18) my son doesn’t and I think has been a bit too spoilt, I worry he’s going to get a rude awakening when he realises life isn’t always so stress free.

It was a really challenging time, DH was made redundant several times and we had no buffer, which in hindsight was reckless.

All the best to you and your ds.

Same position when finances suddenly changed . Took a good luck at my flippant attitude to money then . It had been a case of I want it I can have it . But honestly it's all a bit shallow isn't it .So much was excess instead of adequate . Food is food - you often saw Eat Well for Less show how brands often weren't any better tasting than basic commodities and washing products etc. It wasn't easy but I did eventually embrace the challenge of economising as much as I could without feeling miserable . True friends will understand . Freedom from your situation will be a big bonus and that is priceless..

it’s definitely doable and I think helps if you can have a positive attitude to it. Being broke can be quite depressing BUT it helps to think of what you DO have as opposed to what you don’t have. (Applies to most things actually).

Set a number of No Spend Days a week. 2 or 3 is good and 5 if you’re good at making a game of it.

Do one shop at the beginning of the month at Aldi / Lidl for things like almat detergent, kitchen towel, loo paper, huge tray of eggs, frozen pastries / vegetables and in my case wine / gin / tonic water in tins. They do good value nuts / crisps too. NOT rice. Aldi Rice is shocking!

Meal plan with food delivery every 8 days from
somewhere like Tesco that you can save points for Christmas. Not going into a shop means no temptation.

Twice a week have a super cheap evening meal like a baked potato (with lots of butter and salt and pepper but nothing else to make it expensive) or a cheese and onion omelette.

Use your freezer and freeze left overs for when you CBA to cook. I used to freeze soup but never actually fancied it so chucked it out -
freeze great bolognese, mouth watering curries or warming stews and things you really want to eat.

Have friends round for drinks and dinner rather than meeting them at the pub. Be the driver if you ARE going to the pub so you aren’t expected to spend on alcohol if things are tight.
Join them for dog walks and take your own coffee in a vacuum mug. Most people, even the solvent, are really up for not spending £30 with not much to show for it!

Put treat money aside. And spend it on treaty things. Second hand books, a bath soak that smells great, a really tasty pudding, nice pillow cases etc.

Get a heated blanket and you will save on heating especially in spring and autumn.

Been there. Done that. It's not easy, it's all about reframing your mind. Going from 2 salaries to 1 is a real shock. Especially when you've been comfortably off and never had to budget.

I miss the days of popping into Mark's and Spencers or Waitrose for a couple of bits for dinner and not worrying about what I could be spending that money on. The unexpected bills are a fucker, my washing machine broke down earlier this year, so I signed up for Hoover's service plan for £6 a month, they fixed it and i didn't have to find the £100 odd to pay a repair man (I don't have savings at the moment).

I now pay for my MOT monthly so when it comes round I don't have to worry. I've started a small savings pot, split between Christmas, car and carpets.

For birthdays I get money and vouchers so I'll buy make up or pay for my car service. Christmas I tend to ask for perfume or trainers (which ever i need most) and vouchers for a shop that I need stuff from.

I (touch wood) get a bonus at work in my December pay so that pays for Christmas and new bras and clothes. I want to save for new carpets so I hope to keep some for that this year.

I plan my nights/days out with friends well in advance so I can work out the budget before hand. Weekends I go to the garden centre and plan my pots for the coming seasons, for bike rides or walks.

I use a spreadsheet for all my incomings and outgoings, I keep my receipts and log the spend every day detailing what I've spent it on(my Dad has done this all his life even though they have no money worries, his mother used to do the same).

Sorry was I too chippy? Should I have doffed my cap and wiped away the tears? Loads of us live without affording to buy Toast smock dresses.

Happened to us, we were earning good money and I also had a comfortable childhood (by 1970s standards!). We badly affected by the GFC in the late 2000s due to the industries we worked in, and then DH died so I was a single parent for many years.

DD had designer clothing, I had expensive beauty treatments, DH had a fancy golf membership and we went on overseas holidays. Not going to lie it was a massive adjustment, but DD still had a great childhood and my social life remained in tact. We had some great camping holidays and I got DD into crafts/sewing, that were neglected in favour of paid activities.

In hindsight we were frittering away money - buying a book that is in the library or paying for sky tv when we rarely watched it, and I spent thousands on fancy kitchen gadgets.

As far as tips go the normal ones like batch cooking ect are good. One thing I’ve always been taught to do is find out when your local shop does their yellow stickers (normally through the day, at mine it’s 11am, 2pm and 9pm) and get your meat discounted there and freeze it. Obviously when you’re working you can’t get there, but it’s good to know. Even now we have way more disposable income than I’ve ever had, I’m still not paying full price for meat. Got 2kg of bacon last week down from £10 to £2.50 from Iceland! Yellow stickers are your friend. Buy your rice and beans in bulk from Indian/asian shops because it’s normally much cheaper. Make bargain hunting a game or a competition - it genuinely makes me feel way better. Me and my friends/family always put our bargains in the group chat to see who’s got the best, it made being broke more fun.

Learn to do your own eyebrows, nails ect. If you’re really good you can start a small side hustle. I used to charge my pals £10 to do their eyebrows and dye them - that might not suit you but it’s not about what you’re doing it’s more about the mentality of thinking “can I make this a side hustle?”.

Op if you have Toast it sells really well on Vinted.
I think you can view it either way
You have a decent wardrobe so you don't need to spend now on clothes or if there's stuff you don't wear then get it listed and keep that money in a savings account.
Check all subscriptions and cancel anything you don't need.
Keep Netflix as it's great value and keeps you socially involved " did you see xyz?"
Sign up for loyalty points
Batch cook and meal plan
Ask for M&S vouchers for birthday/ Xmas so you can enjoy treats and couple of times a year
Join your local library
I can read all the magazines for free -it has an app, borrow books

Ask for a payrise-Im being serious, don't ask/ don't get
Can you do any extra to boost your pay ?

So did you include your weekly food shop in bills? Or does £10-£15 a day have to include daily food?? I'm confused.

there's a big difference between that to cover your weekly food bill and that just for the other stuff.