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Piles and sex… would you?

204 replies

Winniebagelton · 19/08/2025 14:24

Sorry for the TMI but I’m just looking for some advice. Been dating a guy for about 5 weeks now and really want to have sex. He’s suggested going away this weekend and I want to so much BUT…. I’ve got anal piles that I’ve had since my children were born (getting increasingly worse with each pregnancy)
They don’t hugely bother me in terms of pain or discomfort etc but they are very unsightly. I still had sex with my ex husband and he wasn’t bothered by them but we’d been together a long time so were very comfortable.
The NHS only offer banding so I will get them
privately lasered off at some point but it’s very expensive so nothing I can do with any immediacy.
I guess my question is do you think he would be put off? To clarify I don’t want to be doing anal or anything and I don’t like any fingering in that region, which I’m happy to explain to him. It’s just that in certain positions they would probably be visible and possibly with oral. Sorry for TMI!
Would you let it bother you?
Part of me thinks, he knows I’m a nearly 40 year old woman with 3 children, so he can’t expect a perfect body (or bum hole!) but they are unattractive.
I almost wondered to make a joke of it so he knows they’re there so I’m not tensing up if he tries to initiate certain positions they might be visible?
Any advice or reassurance please. I’ve not slept with anyone since my ex husband a feeling nervous!

OP posts:
caringcarer · 23/08/2025 22:29

QueenBakingBee · 19/08/2025 15:41

OP it sounds like you've got into your own head with this. You like this guy and he likes you. If you feel like you can't talk about sex (and related issues) then why are you ok to have sex with him.

Lets just say you tell him and he's a crappy bloke who responds negatively - guess what - you've found out he's an arse and you can move on (and you've saved some money by not going away together). Or he could respond with care and consideration - bingo! Another green flag.

This. It's probably a big thing for you but it won't be for him. I've got a thing about my double chin.

Littlepidgey · 23/08/2025 22:37

I honestly think you should just discuss it with him- tell him you like him and really want to have sex with him soon if he’s up for it, but you do have some body anxieties and ask him if you can discuss it with him. If he’s immature about it then you dodged a bullet, if he’s grossed out by it it was never gonna happen

Sasssquatch · 23/08/2025 23:17

Muffinmam · 20/08/2025 02:53

This is why women need to be aware of the dangers of giving birth.

The piles are from pushing.

Women can also get fistulas.

How soon can you schedule the procedure??

fucking shut up about procedures. They’re normal. It’s common. FWIW I had The Procedure and it was excruciatingly painful, took a good 4 months to feel somewhat normal and didn’t actually magic the problem away.

We are not plastic smooth Barbie’s and there should be no expectation that anyone undergoes painful surgery that carries the risk of a lifetime of fecal incontinence just because they have a small amount of excess skin in a place some uptight weirdos deem unacceptable.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/08/2025 23:36

READ THE OP's UPDATE!!

All is good!

Disturbia81 · 24/08/2025 09:39

Needingadvice01 · 23/08/2025 22:20

I agree with @Disturbia81! For the first few times I woukd low light and positions when he can't see.. in the meantime look into treatment?

Yeah no point in missing out!
There are procedures but healing can be rough as it’s such a used area and of course risk of infection due to what comes out. I’d go for it if they were painful to sit on but if not bothering me then I’d leave them, and hope a man I was with was mature.
Giving birth is the most natural thing in the world, yes there are longterm side effects but we made human beings for christ sake.

roseymoira · 25/08/2025 09:04

How was the weekend OP? Hope it all went well

Winniebagelton · 28/08/2025 11:06

roseymoira · 25/08/2025 09:04

How was the weekend OP? Hope it all went well

Aw I’ve been a little hesitant with the update because he cancelled 😩 I’m pretty sure it’s not pile related 😂 but I can’t say it hasn’t knocked my confidence

OP posts:
Mischance · 28/08/2025 11:23

I am not sure I would actually have sex with someone with whom I could not be honest about the problem. I would wait till I felt I knew him better and flet
able to discuss it openly.

Missj25 · 28/08/2025 11:28

Winniebagelton · 28/08/2025 11:06

Aw I’ve been a little hesitant with the update because he cancelled 😩 I’m pretty sure it’s not pile related 😂 but I can’t say it hasn’t knocked my confidence

Hey OP 👋..
How come he cancelled? Is there another date arranged ?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 28/08/2025 16:11

Aww OP how rubbish, you must be so disappointed, what happened?

HausofHolbein · 28/08/2025 23:01

It is clearly pile-related.

Cece92 · 28/08/2025 23:14

Winniebagelton · 28/08/2025 11:06

Aw I’ve been a little hesitant with the update because he cancelled 😩 I’m pretty sure it’s not pile related 😂 but I can’t say it hasn’t knocked my confidence

I’m gutted he cancelled OP. However I’m glad you told him got it out the way. Are use still chatting? X

Winniebagelton · 28/08/2025 23:18

HausofHolbein · 28/08/2025 23:01

It is clearly pile-related.

Oh no do you really think! It was something (plausible) to do with one of his children. We are still chatting and planning for next weekend instead but obviously I’m a bit more paranoid now!

OP posts:
curious79 · 28/08/2025 23:23

Winniebagelton · 19/08/2025 15:27

Yes, I tend to agree with this so thank you. I suppose if it put him off (not that he HAS to be ok with it but you know what I mean) then he wasn’t meant for me?

Disagree with this sentiment. Stuff gives you the ick early on in a way that hits different when you’ve known someone longer.

presumably he’d have to be staring straight at your bum hole to see them? I’d try and avoid that given they would potentially be off putting

Missj25 · 28/08/2025 23:48

Winniebagelton · 28/08/2025 23:18

Oh no do you really think! It was something (plausible) to do with one of his children. We are still chatting and planning for next weekend instead but obviously I’m a bit more paranoid now!

Well if you’re still chatting & planning for next weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️😊.
Ah you’d get a vibe anyway, if he was kinda off or whatever ..
Although I was caught just few weeks back ( not saying for one second your guy is the same ! ) , thought he was so geuine but he played me like a fiddle !
I’ve literally never been played in my whole life!, I always know the Dicks ..
Way too long to explain , but it’s made me so wary now ( maybe not a bad thing ) it’s frightened me off of men for a while now I think definitely, afraid I’ll think someone is really nice but infact they’re not ! !

the5thgoldengirl · 29/08/2025 00:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TwoUnderTwitTwoo · 29/08/2025 07:54

Sasssquatch · 23/08/2025 23:17

fucking shut up about procedures. They’re normal. It’s common. FWIW I had The Procedure and it was excruciatingly painful, took a good 4 months to feel somewhat normal and didn’t actually magic the problem away.

We are not plastic smooth Barbie’s and there should be no expectation that anyone undergoes painful surgery that carries the risk of a lifetime of fecal incontinence just because they have a small amount of excess skin in a place some uptight weirdos deem unacceptable.

Everything @Sasssquatchsays about this is spot on.

SkyGod · 30/08/2025 08:14

I PM'd the OP @Winniebagelton to ask about the Exroid procedure she mentioned and she generously replied with details. I've suffered for years with internal piles (job related, try to figure that one!) but this last year has been hell - constant pain and discomfort. Of course I could have gone to my GP and asked for help but frankly, was held back by my own embarrassment.

In short, I booked, had it and am so pleased with the results. OP asked me to update her afterwards, then suggested I tell you all. So here goes, I'll cut'n'paste my messages here in the hope it gives confidence to others to address this lumpy issue. Pun intended.

"Hi. So, the update...
I had the Exroid procedure midday yesterday in <clinic>. The doctor was a consultant colorectal surgeon, very professional, very approachable and clearly held my interests first, rather than just wanting to go ahead and be paid. Embarrassment wasn't an issue at all, he talks through the entire procedure and the possibilities and was very clear about consent. It took 50 minutes overall and a nurse was in attendance throughout.
I can only describe my experience, but here goes. I had three grade 3 internal haemorrhoids that prolapsed every day. I was in significant discomfort all day, every day beforehand. The procedure was uncomfortable but not painful overall, apart from two sharp pain jabs. The surgeon was able to apply full current to all three piles without having to back down because of my discomfort.

Afterwards, he clearly talked through exactly what he found and had done. I could tell someone had been in my ass 😂 but comfort levels certainly weren't any worse than before.
Here's the bottom line: this morning I can barely feel them and it has clearly had a marked effect, quickly. The expectation is for significant improvement and symptoms over the next 7 to 10 days. They will call in a month to check and to book me in for a further procedure if needed (he did say he expected another would be require). Overall, it was easily doable, although not exactly pleasant, and I'm delighted with the results so far.
Feel free to ask any questions; I've no embarrassment now!!"

and the follow up:

"Hey, yes, a massive improvement and it's got better every day. For the first time in years, decades, I'm actually comfortable and pain-free. I couldn't recommend it enough. I asked for a discount on the phone when I was booking and they gave 10% without quibbling, so it cost £1075. I'm pretty sure I'll need one more treatment in about 3 to 4 months and that is £750ish. Frankly, I would've paid 10 times that for the results."

Winniebagelton · 30/08/2025 15:59

SkyGod · 30/08/2025 08:14

I PM'd the OP @Winniebagelton to ask about the Exroid procedure she mentioned and she generously replied with details. I've suffered for years with internal piles (job related, try to figure that one!) but this last year has been hell - constant pain and discomfort. Of course I could have gone to my GP and asked for help but frankly, was held back by my own embarrassment.

In short, I booked, had it and am so pleased with the results. OP asked me to update her afterwards, then suggested I tell you all. So here goes, I'll cut'n'paste my messages here in the hope it gives confidence to others to address this lumpy issue. Pun intended.

"Hi. So, the update...
I had the Exroid procedure midday yesterday in <clinic>. The doctor was a consultant colorectal surgeon, very professional, very approachable and clearly held my interests first, rather than just wanting to go ahead and be paid. Embarrassment wasn't an issue at all, he talks through the entire procedure and the possibilities and was very clear about consent. It took 50 minutes overall and a nurse was in attendance throughout.
I can only describe my experience, but here goes. I had three grade 3 internal haemorrhoids that prolapsed every day. I was in significant discomfort all day, every day beforehand. The procedure was uncomfortable but not painful overall, apart from two sharp pain jabs. The surgeon was able to apply full current to all three piles without having to back down because of my discomfort.

Afterwards, he clearly talked through exactly what he found and had done. I could tell someone had been in my ass 😂 but comfort levels certainly weren't any worse than before.
Here's the bottom line: this morning I can barely feel them and it has clearly had a marked effect, quickly. The expectation is for significant improvement and symptoms over the next 7 to 10 days. They will call in a month to check and to book me in for a further procedure if needed (he did say he expected another would be require). Overall, it was easily doable, although not exactly pleasant, and I'm delighted with the results so far.
Feel free to ask any questions; I've no embarrassment now!!"

and the follow up:

"Hey, yes, a massive improvement and it's got better every day. For the first time in years, decades, I'm actually comfortable and pain-free. I couldn't recommend it enough. I asked for a discount on the phone when I was booking and they gave 10% without quibbling, so it cost £1075. I'm pretty sure I'll need one more treatment in about 3 to 4 months and that is £750ish. Frankly, I would've paid 10 times that for the results."

I am so so pleased you got it done and are happy with the results. Has given me the push I need to save and get mine done. I’ve heard so many great things about the procedure and it’s great to hear another experience. Hopefully if there’s anyone on the thread wondering what to do about their problems or wondering what the options are, this will give them a little push. We don’t need to suffer but it also shouldn’t be that OR a possibly painful procedure with a long recovery. As mentioned upthread, my sister had banding and had a terrible experience.

Anyway, thanks so much for sharing! X

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/08/2025 16:29

Hi OP good for you in making a decision! However before you go ahead do ask about any restrictions on future activities (can't lift more than xxxx kg) and/ or risks of complications.

Just to make sure you're informed. Good luck xx

Winniebagelton · 30/08/2025 19:09

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/08/2025 16:29

Hi OP good for you in making a decision! However before you go ahead do ask about any restrictions on future activities (can't lift more than xxxx kg) and/ or risks of complications.

Just to make sure you're informed. Good luck xx

When I had my consultation, they went through it all and downtime really is minimal. As is the risk of complications. I think having now heard a few ‘real life’ stories, it’s made me more confident in my decision to save up for it and move forward. Now, how to raise the money? Reckon there’s a niche for piles on only fans?! 😂😂

OP posts:
Needingadvice01 · 30/08/2025 19:12

i spoke to my partner about this. He said (and he and his friends have had conversations about this) that guys only care about two things.. food and sex... he said they couldn't give a f* about things like that. As long as they have sandwiches and bjs they're happy..!

Missj25 · 30/08/2025 19:28

Winniebagelton · 30/08/2025 19:09

When I had my consultation, they went through it all and downtime really is minimal. As is the risk of complications. I think having now heard a few ‘real life’ stories, it’s made me more confident in my decision to save up for it and move forward. Now, how to raise the money? Reckon there’s a niche for piles on only fans?! 😂😂

Are you going on date this weekend OP ? 😊

superplumb · 31/08/2025 09:33

SkyGod · 30/08/2025 08:14

I PM'd the OP @Winniebagelton to ask about the Exroid procedure she mentioned and she generously replied with details. I've suffered for years with internal piles (job related, try to figure that one!) but this last year has been hell - constant pain and discomfort. Of course I could have gone to my GP and asked for help but frankly, was held back by my own embarrassment.

In short, I booked, had it and am so pleased with the results. OP asked me to update her afterwards, then suggested I tell you all. So here goes, I'll cut'n'paste my messages here in the hope it gives confidence to others to address this lumpy issue. Pun intended.

"Hi. So, the update...
I had the Exroid procedure midday yesterday in <clinic>. The doctor was a consultant colorectal surgeon, very professional, very approachable and clearly held my interests first, rather than just wanting to go ahead and be paid. Embarrassment wasn't an issue at all, he talks through the entire procedure and the possibilities and was very clear about consent. It took 50 minutes overall and a nurse was in attendance throughout.
I can only describe my experience, but here goes. I had three grade 3 internal haemorrhoids that prolapsed every day. I was in significant discomfort all day, every day beforehand. The procedure was uncomfortable but not painful overall, apart from two sharp pain jabs. The surgeon was able to apply full current to all three piles without having to back down because of my discomfort.

Afterwards, he clearly talked through exactly what he found and had done. I could tell someone had been in my ass 😂 but comfort levels certainly weren't any worse than before.
Here's the bottom line: this morning I can barely feel them and it has clearly had a marked effect, quickly. The expectation is for significant improvement and symptoms over the next 7 to 10 days. They will call in a month to check and to book me in for a further procedure if needed (he did say he expected another would be require). Overall, it was easily doable, although not exactly pleasant, and I'm delighted with the results so far.
Feel free to ask any questions; I've no embarrassment now!!"

and the follow up:

"Hey, yes, a massive improvement and it's got better every day. For the first time in years, decades, I'm actually comfortable and pain-free. I couldn't recommend it enough. I asked for a discount on the phone when I was booking and they gave 10% without quibbling, so it cost £1075. I'm pretty sure I'll need one more treatment in about 3 to 4 months and that is £750ish. Frankly, I would've paid 10 times that for the results."

I wasnt offered this procedure. Im woth a private clinic but paid for by the NHS. Ive had banding and now been offered a staple thing where they push them back in and staple them. Surgeon worried me when she spoke about women having this done leading to feacal incontinence and wind!!
I wonder if I should ask her about this procedure you had then?

SkyGod · 31/08/2025 18:09

The Exroid procedure is only carried out by Exroid themselves, or franchised clinics, so it's doubtful that it would be available from NHS private contractors.

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