Piles and sex… would you?

[Winniebagelton]

Sorry for the TMI but I’m just looking for some advice. Been dating a guy for about 5 weeks now and really want to have sex. He’s suggested going away this weekend and I want to so much BUT…. I’ve got anal piles that I’ve had since my children were born (getting increasingly worse with each pregnancy)
They don’t hugely bother me in terms of pain or discomfort etc but they are very unsightly. I still had sex with my ex husband and he wasn’t bothered by them but we’d been together a long time so were very comfortable.
The NHS only offer banding so I will get them
privately lasered off at some point but it’s very expensive so nothing I can do with any immediacy.
I guess my question is do you think he would be put off? To clarify I don’t want to be doing anal or anything and I don’t like any fingering in that region, which I’m happy to explain to him. It’s just that in certain positions they would probably be visible and possibly with oral. Sorry for TMI!
Would you let it bother you?
Part of me thinks, he knows I’m a nearly 40 year old woman with 3 children, so he can’t expect a perfect body (or bum hole!) but they are unattractive.
I almost wondered to make a joke of it so he knows they’re there so I’m not tensing up if he tries to initiate certain positions they might be visible?
Any advice or reassurance please. I’ve not slept with anyone since my ex husband a feeling nervous!

Try fybogel os isphagula husk. Since taking that regularly my external piles have improved massively.

Yes 😳

I don’t think they’d be visible at all unless you’re doing doggy with a spotlight on your arsehole! I’ve had piles for years and they’ve left some very unsightly skin tags. I’m self conscious even with my dh but I don’t think he’s ever seen them! I can’t imagine why you think he would.

Just stick to a position that’s not going to leave you feeling exposed until you feel a bit more comfortable.

Oh sorry, I thought you could only see them if they were ‘active’ or thrombosed. Are they constantly there? Are they big? Do they hurt all the time?

sorry again for my stupidity

Unless he’s spreading your arse open he’s not going to see them

Ok so maybe I’ve phrased my question wrongly. I guess that I don’t want to have to ‘temper’ how I have sex so as to avoid him seeing them. I want doggy, I like doggy, I like reverse cowgirl etc etc. I’m just worried that if he sees them he’ll be bothered. I suppose my question is more…. Would you talk beforehand? Would you be bothered? How would you handle this?

Constantly there. Quite big. Don’t always hurt. In fact rarely hurt.

Maybe OP seeing as it is your first time being intimate with him , don’t do those positions until you feel more comfortable..
Do cowgirl , not reverse ..
Rowing boat position is nice , you’re facing him aswel , Side ways , you can still have a nice time with other positions..
Maybe see how first night goes & you may be much more comfortable talking with him about it after that 🤷🏻‍♀️
What do you think ?

Rowing boat 🧐 I’m guessing just being on top and rocking back and forth? Tbh all the positions I like require the least work from me but the most arse hole flashing opportunities which is unfortunate 😂

WTF ? Surely these are relatively small extra bits.
Its not a like a bumhole minus piles looks that great does it??

😂 😂

Rowing boat , both sitting facing one another but he is pulling you into him , yes back & forth, but you’re not sitting on him , both bums on bed or floor .. I quite like it actually..
I know you have favourite positions , but for first night if those positions make you feel self conscious, then you won’t enjoy 🤷🏻‍♀️..

No no no.
OP - others have said it better than I will but if you’re going to be having sex with him, then you must surely be able to have a quick chat?
I agree with you that you don’t want to temper how you do it - you want to clear up any awkwardness first.

his ex has kids, he’s a grown man, he seems like a nice one…….
have the chat and if he’s a dick about it, come back and tell us his physical flaws and we’ll slate him til you feel better.

I really appreciate this thank you! I’m seeing him tomorrow so have decided I will just make a little comment/joke about it so he knows what to expect and I don’t feel paranoid. REGARDLESS, I’ll keep you all updated on if we need to slate him or not 😂

Could have chat yeah 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Just saying if OP is self conscious on the first night until she feels more comfortable with him , could do positions that make her feel less self conscious ….
Anyway if he likes OP & wants to give it a go , he won’t see what OP sees …

Thank you, I really do appreciate any/all advice given so thank you, I get where you’re coming from ❤️

God but this makes me feel old.I'm not sure I could be bothered with having to "perform" or thinking about my piles.
Could you bring snacks and some good reading material instead.

I am the queen of piles. I wouldn't mention it, tbh. He might not really even notice that much, or think anything of it. After I was single after having kids, I was self-conscious. It's never been an issue.

If it really really bothers him, there isn't going to be much you can do, it's just one of those things.

❤️

I bow down to the queen 🙌 😂
Ok so another potential error is being quite….erm… confident over text so now I don’t feel as confident in person because of them 😬

Banding only works on internal ones

Buy some crotchless pants and sew on a modesty patch over your piles to cover them 😂.

Seriously though, bodies are weird, I expect he’s got some weird bits too! If he freaks out over piles, he isn’t a keeper.

OP - you like doggy, and reverse cowgirl and have been “confident” on text.
he’s not going to care about the piles. He’s going to be too busy having a good time and appreciating you

I have them too and I think while I would prefer if they were gone, it was part of the journey to be a mum. Meanwhile I have wanted to try a less painful option and just ordered some healing oil and will see if it at least reduces them.

I would mention it as a little aside if things are going further but not make it a big deal.

Haha that’s what I mean though….too much big talk then I’ve got an arsehole full of piles 🙈

You’re thinking about it wrong. The piles don’t cancel out the “big talk” - they’re just irrelevant. They don’t impact it at all.
I get why you want to mention it first but I really don’t think most men care at all about stuff like that. They may be more visual but they’re also about the bigger picture.