OP I think you sound like a really funny witty person and I’ve loved reading your posts.
The thing is if you really like someone then these things just don’t matter. If you are unsure or not that keen then literally anything can “give you the ick” there are some hilarious threads about completely innocent things that some men have done/said that have turned women off forever on here.
Personally I think the key to dealing with any of this is humour which you should have no problem with, it puts both of you at ease and stops it becoming a huge deal.
I have just started seeing someone after my long term relationship ended and I have the perfect example for you.
The first time I slept with him I was ridiculously self conscious, I cancelled several times because I have large uterine fibroids that cause pain and a swollen abdomen. After a few drinks I explained and described them by comparing them to fruit size - wise. I said ones like a baby watermelon, one orange, lemons, grapes etc…
He was lovely and more worried about causing me pain than anything. We now affectionately refer to my belly as “the fruit bowl” the humour took away any embarrassment.
The second time he stayed at mine and kept disappearing briefly out of the room and coming back, I finally got it out of him that he was going to fart as he had a bit of a dodgy tummy from nerves.
To some people it would be funny but I’m really squeamish about things like this, I never once farted in my 12 year relationship in front of my ex DP and it could have easily turned me off forever. He made a joke about avoiding doing a 69 and it got rid of the awkwardness again. I think it’s how you handle things but also how much genuine chemistry there is.
I like this man, I find him hilarious and fancy him like crazy, I realised he’s human with human flaws and I really didn’t care in the end! I have noticed other things about him that aren’t perfect and I imagine some women would judge him on but I can see completely past anything because of his good points.
I can’t guarantee your piles won’t give your new man “the ick” (I fucking hate that expression but it serves its purpose) but if they do then if it wasn’t your piles it’d be something else. I’d prefer a man to get the ick over my arsehole over the rest of my appearance or personality!
I think if the right chemistry is there then nothing else matters and you’ll both see past each others imperfections.
One of my male best friends finished with an incredibly beautiful woman because he saw her “pulling a stupid face when she licked a stamp”
His next girlfriend was nothing at all as physically perfect but he saw past plenty of her annoying habits!
There are people posting who would probably be very insecure if they had them theirselves but wouldn’t care about a man having them.
I have a very hairy bum that I am mortified about and spent far too many years being self conscious over till my best friend who is a beauty therapist said it was normal. We ALL have hang ups unless we are porn stars and my current bf said they are all too noisy with fake American accents so are far from perfect themselves. Who wants to go to bed with a writhing screaming woman putting on a performance? 😂.