Piles and sex… would you?

[Winniebagelton]

Sorry for the TMI but I’m just looking for some advice. Been dating a guy for about 5 weeks now and really want to have sex. He’s suggested going away this weekend and I want to so much BUT…. I’ve got anal piles that I’ve had since my children were born (getting increasingly worse with each pregnancy)
They don’t hugely bother me in terms of pain or discomfort etc but they are very unsightly. I still had sex with my ex husband and he wasn’t bothered by them but we’d been together a long time so were very comfortable.
The NHS only offer banding so I will get them
privately lasered off at some point but it’s very expensive so nothing I can do with any immediacy.
I guess my question is do you think he would be put off? To clarify I don’t want to be doing anal or anything and I don’t like any fingering in that region, which I’m happy to explain to him. It’s just that in certain positions they would probably be visible and possibly with oral. Sorry for TMI!
Would you let it bother you?
Part of me thinks, he knows I’m a nearly 40 year old woman with 3 children, so he can’t expect a perfect body (or bum hole!) but they are unattractive.
I almost wondered to make a joke of it so he knows they’re there so I’m not tensing up if he tries to initiate certain positions they might be visible?
Any advice or reassurance please. I’ve not slept with anyone since my ex husband a feeling nervous!

@ReceiveIt abso fucking lutely. OP fuck anyone who says you're not allowed to have sex again because you've got a few essentially skin tags. I also have this exact problem and my husband (who's really quite fit) could not give less of a fuck.

Thank you for this empowering message!! The thing is, I’m quite sexually confident in terms of positions so I don’t want to feel like I have to avoid doing them and kind of set the tone of ‘missionary only, lights off’ But I DO feel paranoid about them. I don’t know if I’ve played them down but as I said, one is essentially a sort of large fleshy grape, with a couple of other tiny ones around. They aren’t attractive. But they didn’t stop me enjoying a healthy sex life with my ex husband, however as I said, we’d been together a long time and naturally over time he’d seen my body change. I just feel self conscious for this first time with a new guy. I would’ve felt nervous regardless but this just kind of adds to it. I’m still mulling over if I should mention in a joking way like ‘no arsehole action, it’s not the same since having 3 kids!’ But maybe less crude 😂 But as I said, we’ve definitely established quite a jokey tone with each other over the last 5 weeks. Ahh I’m not sure!

Skin tags are the skin that is left hanging after the piles have shrunk. Mine was removed with laser. The area is sore for 3-4 weeks afterwards and it’s impossible to heal within 2 days. It’s a bit uncomfortable afterwards so I cant imagine you removing it before having sex as you wouldn’t even dream of having sex after the procedure. Tbh men also have piles so I dont think it would be a big deal to him. I would recommend to have it done it really improved my self confidence and it was so easy to wipe

Just go with the flow. What's the worst that can happen? You could just control the situation so your bum hole isn't on show or save that position for when it's dark.

This did make me giggle ‘this is the first time in my life I’m going to suggest this’

I mean OP are they REALLY noticeable? If not then don’t worry. At the end of the day nobodies perfect and if you don’t like bum fun tell him straight up and to stay away from that area. If he says anything tell him. If your really worried just be upfront and honest your excited however this has kinda made you fell a certain way. I hope it all works out and you have the best weekend with lots of amazing sex!!

If I was in doggy then yes because the cheeks are kind of spread 😂 he would definitely see if he was looking. It’s like a little bundle 😂 There’s one quite big one and a few tiny ones but they’re in like a cluster.
Weirdly, I didn’t think he’d see them if doing oral but a few have mentioned avoiding that and that’s added another layer of paranoia. Should add I’m definitely an over thinker

It really depend on position doesn’t it. I mean personally if my partner had them it wouldn’t bother me at all. I had piles when pregnant had no idea what they were I was in agony so I do feel you. Can’t say I’ve noticed anything since. My partner really wouldn’t care if I had them either. Honestly if he likes you enough just explain and see what he says if he’s not accepting you’ve dodged a bullet. You’re 40 with 3 kids I’m sure he will understand. X

@QuantumPanic ive been using diltiazem ointment and that seems to be working. The surgeon says they could do Botox but for most cases the ointment works, and has fewer potential risks. Surgery is possible but he said there’s a high risk of incontinence especially in women so they try to avoid that these days. Do you get fissures too? They’re hell!

I have horrible piles and tbh it wouldn't occur to me to think anything of it with a new partner. Maybe because there's literally nothing attractive to me about male or female genitalia - even perfect specimens of both are ugly looking!

So I'd go on the weekend, wouldn't think to mention it, and would just expect the bloke to be grateful to have me in his bed 😂

I’d like to say he won’t care but personally I would just keep lights low and avoid sex from behind…

I doubt he would see them if doing oral don’t worry OP

Waaaaaahhhh 😭😭 For every million reassuring one…. 😂

Love this reply!

I like this. And you’re right, none of it is attractive. It’s just a shame porn shows unblemished bodies which have been specially selected for that, but makes it look like everyone should look like that.

My bum hole looks like a flower because of all the tags! I’ve never mentioned it to a partner until I knew them quite well. I just avoid sex from behind or 69! You are massively over thinking it. No man will care about a different shaped bum hole, honestly. Just mention it in a jokey way when you know him a bit better!

Ignore the odd post like that. Honestly I’d be shocked if he cared. He knows you’ve had children, as has he so he won’t be shocked.

Let him know beforehand that you’re a little sensitive about it and I’m sure he will put you at ease.

Sounds like you are normally confident with sex - that’s the most attractive quality. I certainly wouldn’t let it put me off any positions

This is why, after a 30 yr marriage, I’m never having sex again 😂

However, if I did I think I’d just have a conversation about my body being very different to the last time I got naked with someone new and feeling self conscious rather than get into specifics.

in terms of how to broach the issue, here’s what chat go recommends

This is exactly how I feel. By the time I got to that point with someone I’d assume they’d fancy the pants off me enough not to care, and if they did then they definitely wouldn’t be right for me.

Thats ridiculous

Thank you ❤️

Yeah really, how would he even have his face back there on the first night? God almighty a GP needs a ring light and some serious leg manoeuvring to get a proper look at them, and that’s in broad daylight.

Ok so back to total paranoia 😂 if I stand in front of a mirror, spread my cheeks and look over my shoulder I can see them?! They’re not visible if my bum cheeks are closed 😂 but if I spread them you can see them? If I had to manoeuvre in front of a ring light for them to be visible then I wouldn’t be worried. NOW I’m worried I’ve massively under described what I mean and everyone’s like ‘go for your life’ not really understanding what they are!

You can see them??? Ok maybe I misunderstood the situation. Apologies