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Original poster

Dh not happy with my suggestion for wills

156 replies

amibeingharshhere · 07/08/2025 16:27

He has a teen dd from a previous relationships, I’ve been in her life since she was 4, rocky relationship due to confusion with both her parents at loggerheads, but we do have a nice relationship now.

Myself and dh have 3 children together.
We’re in the process of buying a house and I brought up wills, suggesting that my half of the house splits 3 ways between our kids and that his half should be split 4 ways. He thinks I should be splitting my half 4 ways too, to account for the fact dsd will be getting less than her siblings. I’m using 200k inheritance off my dad as a deposit on the new house and dh will pay the mortgage as we run a business together that I’m a shareholder in.
AIBU? Should I be splitting mine 4 ways too? It’s just the way I see it is dsd will also be inheriting off her mom therefore inheriting x3 where as mine will be inheriting of just us two.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/08/2025 16:28

Have you told your DH why you want to split it that way?

onceuponatimeinneverland · 07/08/2025 16:31

Agree with you and your reasoning. 4 way split for him 3 way split for you. As you say your DSD will inherit from her mum

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 07/08/2025 16:32

Ask him if dsd's mum will be splitting her estate between your 3 kids as well, so that dsd won't get more than her siblings.

Original poster
amibeingharshhere · 07/08/2025 16:32

rubyslippers · 07/08/2025 16:28

Have you told your DH why you want to split it that way?

Yes, not as bluntly but said she isn’t my biological child and explained about the inheriting 3 times vs our kids 2 times

OP posts:
onceuponatimeinneverland · 07/08/2025 16:32

You could leave her 'something' to acknowledge your relationship.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/08/2025 16:33

I don’t know why you even brought it up. It is not his business who you leave your share to, and vice versa. Plus the shares don’t have to be equal. You could do a 30/30/30/10 so your stepdaughter gets a little something from you. It depends on whether “in her life since she was 4” is referring to you being an adoptive full time mum or a sees her every other weekend stepmum. Nothing or something is entirely up to you and depends on your relationship with her…

Birdsnesthead · 07/08/2025 16:33

That’s how I’d do it personally, especially if a bulk of it was inherited money. It’s your money to do as you wish, don’t let him bully you into splitting 4 ways just because he wants you to.

Original poster
amibeingharshhere · 07/08/2025 16:33

I think he feels bad that he can’t leave her as much. But he isn’t considering her mum

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/08/2025 16:34

I think yours is a reasonable suggestion
not sure why he doesn’t

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/08/2025 16:34

amibeingharshhere · 07/08/2025 16:33

I think he feels bad that he can’t leave her as much. But he isn’t considering her mum

Is her mum wealthy? What is the context here?

Booksaresick · 07/08/2025 16:35

I am doing the same as you op, my kids will get a bigger share of our house because my husband has to split his 50% between more children… it is normal practice. Make sure you are tenants in common though otherwise your will won’t be legally binding.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/08/2025 16:35

amibeingharshhere · 07/08/2025 16:33

I think he feels bad that he can’t leave her as much. But he isn’t considering her mum

Meh he can always leave her a double share of his half if he feels strongly about it. So 40/20/20/20. You’re not stopping him from making every child’s share in your home equal.

Nearly50omg · 07/08/2025 16:36

I’d also ring fence the £200,000 deposit legally and make sure it’s known it’s yours. If / when you divorce then you will have that to fall back on too

Bingbangboo · 07/08/2025 16:37

Are you not planning on leaving the house to each other? So you could end up owning it with the 4 children?

autienotnaughty · 07/08/2025 16:37

I’d be fine with that assuming dsd mum is also splitting her estate 4 ways.
seriously though it’s a personal choice, my dh is splitting his between our 3 children (one is his) but he’s been in their lives 20 years and been a full time parent to them for 18 years. He will walk them down the aisle. Their kids will call him grandad. It’s up to you and your dh should remember dsd has two parents to inherit from.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/08/2025 16:37

Nearly50omg · 07/08/2025 16:36

I’d also ring fence the £200,000 deposit legally and make sure it’s known it’s yours. If / when you divorce then you will have that to fall back on too

I’d be cautious about that as he could equally ring fence off the rest of the house value as he will be paying 100% of the mortgage.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/08/2025 16:39

Bingbangboo · 07/08/2025 16:37

Are you not planning on leaving the house to each other? So you could end up owning it with the 4 children?

Good point- if either of you die before they buy their first home that will make them ineligible for first time home buyer programs, help and discounts.

Honon · 07/08/2025 16:42

Unpopular view I see but to be honest if you've been in each others lives that long I think it would be nice to leave the portion to your DSD, regardless of whether she inherits from her own mother. I can see why your DH is put out as I'd think of you as one family after so long, if you'd met when she was a teen or older that would be different.

How's it going to work for the surviving spouse? Will they be forced to sell or will they have the right to remain in the home?

Namechangeragin · 07/08/2025 16:42

Why doesn’t he do a separate whole of life insurance policy for her? He could pay for it and put it in trust for just for her?

hattie43 · 07/08/2025 16:42

I think this has disaster written all over it . You put in 200k and your partner pays the mortgage . What if he loses his job , if you spilt prepare to lose a lot of your inheritance and so ultimately will your children . Get some advice and protect yourself

SunDash · 07/08/2025 16:42

You re quite right. Your DH's oldest girl gets to inherit from her mother, which your kids wont.
Let him think about it a bit more, but you re right.

slightlydistrac · 07/08/2025 16:45

I'd go and speak to a solicitor about this. On your own at first. Not only do you need to sort out whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common (they call it tenants even if you own the place, don't ask me why), you also have a deposit you want to ring-fence, plus joint and step-dc. There is also the matter of whether the estate is directly inherited or placed in a trust. You need to take account of what happens when one or other of you dies first, if you both happen to die together, and also what happens if either or both of you need to consider possible future nursing home fees.

Don't try and work this out for yourself, get professional legal advice.

NidaNearby · 07/08/2025 16:46

amibeingharshhere · 07/08/2025 16:33

I think he feels bad that he can’t leave her as much. But he isn’t considering her mum

If he cared about how much he would be able to leave her, having three more kids wasn’t the smartest choice.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/08/2025 16:55

NidaNearby · 07/08/2025 16:46

If he cared about how much he would be able to leave her, having three more kids wasn’t the smartest choice.

Show quote history

How is this at all helpful?

Mix56 · 07/08/2025 16:59

You say that your dads legacy is for your own DC
He has 4 kids,
1 has other grandparents & may get something one day.
He better not get angry, if not your 200K is not going into the pot at all