Dh not happy with my suggestion for wills

[amibeingharshhere]

He has a teen dd from a previous relationships, I’ve been in her life since she was 4, rocky relationship due to confusion with both her parents at loggerheads, but we do have a nice relationship now.

Myself and dh have 3 children together.
We’re in the process of buying a house and I brought up wills, suggesting that my half of the house splits 3 ways between our kids and that his half should be split 4 ways. He thinks I should be splitting my half 4 ways too, to account for the fact dsd will be getting less than her siblings. I’m using 200k inheritance off my dad as a deposit on the new house and dh will pay the mortgage as we run a business together that I’m a shareholder in.
AIBU? Should I be splitting mine 4 ways too? It’s just the way I see it is dsd will also be inheriting off her mom therefore inheriting x3 where as mine will be inheriting of just us two.

Before you worry about the kid’s inheritance, do you and DH inherit from each other or does the money go straight to the kids?

if Dh inherits from you and then dies a year later, his will is the only one that matters for the kids with a 4 way split.

if you inherit from DH and then dies a year later, then your will is the only one that matters and dsd could get nothing.

if DH inherits from you and then remarries, his new wife could get it all and none of the kids get anything.

you need to talk over all these options with your lawyer. Don’t just do mirror wills and assume that is sorted.

I think if it was me, I would want my children to all be provided with the same opportunity following my death. With that in mind I’d think about altering the percentages so that I gave the other child more (knowing that they would be excluded from yours).

The issue with that is that if he dies first, you could end up requiring care etc and leaving your 3 children significantly less than you think, meaning that his other child ends up better off.

Tricky!

Argh I’m so confused ! What is best to do what do people in this situation usually do?
If we’re joint tenants then we have to trust the other spouse does what the other wanted regarding the split, so dh could just leave dsd more than bio kids, or I could leave if all to bio kids (which I wouldn’t do btw)

Is your deposit you put in ringfenced OP?

couldn’t you just leave your half to the kids with lifetime interest for your DH and vice versa?

I find it weird that you married him tbh, given that he had a 4yo child already and that you're not willing to accept them both as your "actual" family when it comes to sharing assets. Either marry him and count her as one of your children, or don't marry him and keep finances separate. Obviously you are married now but I don't see how you can realistically "ring fence" anything. You would need to talk to the conveyancing solicitor about protecting your £200k (if that's what you want to do) and you will obviously need to be tenants in common (rather than joint tenants). You can only decide what to put in your own will so just do that and let him decide what to put in his.

I was worried about your deposit and contribution being protected for you too OP is that part guaranteed to return to you and the rest split?

I think this sounds the most appropriate option

No because I have no idea how to do that and also because we’re married so I think it all gets split anyway doesn’t it?
It was my house I sold to use as a deposit for new house so I’d presume it’s all traceable

Hasn’t your solicitor asked how you would like to own the property and explained the difference between joint tenants vs tenants in common?

If you decide to own as joint tenants then neither of you will have a distinct share, you both just own all of it. When one dies, the house would just automatically revert to the other in its entirety. They could then do whatever they want with the house.

If you own as tenants in common you each have distinct shares which can be passed down. You don’t have to own 50/50 either. You could own more to account for your deposit etc.

Google whole life interest trusts, I think it’ll probably be the best resolution for you.

Yes when doing the forms we chose joint tenants and didn’t really speak about it. But that’s because with my deposit amount and then the mortgage being paid by dh working we thought it’s basically equal anyway

The mortgage payments are also going to come out of a joint account

If you’re interested in attempting to ringfence and owning unequally, you will need to ask your solicitor for a declaration of trust which will detail each person’s contribution and how the property should be divided if sold etc.

The fact that you are married means that it isn’t necessarily binding (family court can overrule it) but it can be taken into account.

if him and you cannot play nicely and as a team on this one, one lot of the kids, yours or the other will suffer one day, because one of you will die first

Only if the husband chose to hit test all his kids equally

If you are owning as joint tenants, the discussion on what the children inherit in what % is redundant. It will the decision of the last person to die between you or your DH.
As joint tenants, on first death it’s goes to the surviving spouse outside of anything a will says.

so he’s decided to put savings away from his own earnings (not ours)

Well that's bollocks. Any money he puts aside is less in the joint pot.

There isn't one right answer to this and a lot depends on relationships.

My dad remarried to someone with young DC when I was already out of the house and I know his and his wife's wills both leave their assets to their four children equally. The wills are set up so that each has a life interest in the other's share of the home (this is done through a life interest trust in the UK) so for example if my father dies first my stepmother will be able to stay in the home until she also dies or she chooses to sell. Am I going to inherit less because my dad is choosing to treat all four of us equally? Yes. It's never bothered me and I respect the way he's gone about being a step-father.

DH and I have our wills set up in essentially the same way. I have DSC whose mum is actively involved, adopted children who have trusts waiting for them from their deceased parents' assets, and a couple DH and I cooked up together. We used the same philosophy writing our wills that we do for most decisions: we can't control all of the ways that life will treat each of our DC differently, but in our house and the family DH and I chose to create together our children are all equal and we invest and support them equally. I won't pretend that's the one right way, but it's what sits best with me when I'm sitting at the dinner table listening to them all chatter away or trying to ease DSD's A-level results anxiety. On the other hand I know people who have very different relationships with their step-children/roles as step-parents who I would never think ill of for not doing the same.

Just for those saying she will inherit off her mum .....

...that's not a given.
I'm in my late 30s and no contact with my bio dad or his side of the family and understandably inherited zero.

My step dad has been in my life since I was 3 and I know my parents have mirror wills that says it's to be split equally between me and my 3 half siblings.

But @amibeingharshhere the way he needs to see it is that where you and he own the house, joint kids inherit one share from each parent and children of only one of you inherit one share from the parent. Effectively, joint kids get two shares. But that’s just life and ‘non joint’ kids should be inheriting from their other parent so it evens out that way.

You've been in this child's life since she was 4 years old, I find your attitude quite sad.
Great to hear a father with this attitude, especially since she's a child from his first relationship. Reading these threads, its very rare that happens.

Your reasoning is perfectly fine, logical and fair.

His DD will be benefitting hugely from your father’s money as that is your house deposit. And presumably you work in the business you share so you’re contributing to the monthly mortgage payments as well!

I’ve been reading this thread getting more frustrated as the importance of the type of ownership is so critical that all other aspects are irrelevant until that is sorted. If you’re joint tenants, ownership passes 100% to the surviving tenant (owner). You need to be tenants in common before any ring fencing / inheritance can be arranged.
I can see both sides of the debate with your DH but regardless, you must get your own, separate, legal advice!

First step would be to protect your deposit then worry about the wills

The father is right to prioritise all his children. OP is right to prioritise hers.

Is his ex going to leave your 3 children a share in her will?