Dh not happy with my suggestion for wills

[amibeingharshhere]

He has a teen dd from a previous relationships, I’ve been in her life since she was 4, rocky relationship due to confusion with both her parents at loggerheads, but we do have a nice relationship now.

Myself and dh have 3 children together.
We’re in the process of buying a house and I brought up wills, suggesting that my half of the house splits 3 ways between our kids and that his half should be split 4 ways. He thinks I should be splitting my half 4 ways too, to account for the fact dsd will be getting less than her siblings. I’m using 200k inheritance off my dad as a deposit on the new house and dh will pay the mortgage as we run a business together that I’m a shareholder in.
AIBU? Should I be splitting mine 4 ways too? It’s just the way I see it is dsd will also be inheriting off her mom therefore inheriting x3 where as mine will be inheriting of just us two.

If both names are on the mortgage then he can’t do that

Why doesn’t he leave his DD a bigger share from his? 40% for her and 20% each for others

@WeekendFreedom
Sure he can, in divorce the financial settlement is a negotiated agreement which means he can submit proof he has paid 100% of the mortgage to bolster his claim being more than 50% of the equity minus £200k ring fenced.

If no settlement is negotiated, then the courts DO take into account ALL financial contributions when adjusting the % split up or down from 50/50 as well as other factors like which parent will be resident parent for children, earning capacity (if a parent is disabled) and so on.

I see your DH point, he has no control what happens with his ex inheritance (might all go on care home fees etc) so he’s just looking out for his daughter by making sure from him she’s looked after as are his children with you

Because he wants them to all have the same amount

Just to add, you assume dsd will inherit from her mum, but you don't know what the future holds. My BIL was in the same position as your DH with an older DD from a previous relationship. Her mum sadly developed early onset dementia and all the money went on care and other costs. Of course, illness could happen to any of you but I don't blame your DH for wanting to make it as equal on his side as possible. You've no control over what happens to his ex.

Seek legal advice. Particularly given you are married I imagine this will impact how any assets would be shared.

Yeah I do understand and I do agree, I just don’t think at the detriment of my children, why should they get less from me because I’ve had to provide for dsd if that makes sense

What if he saves that seperate money for DSD but all of the money in the house goes towards your care fees one day? That’ll leave your 3 joint children with nothing potentially and only DSD with something from him…

There is just so many if and buts isn’t there. Literally don’t know what to do

Unpopular opinion?

You are right but he clearly isnt going to get on board because he is cant do maths / is pigheaded / whatever

Just agree with him.
Do a mirror will with him or whatever he wants.
Rewrite yours immediately afterwards...

😬😬😬😬😬

I would split equally both sides, and I hope my DH would do the same to my elder DD, been in her life since 10.
There was a thread the other week about a parent leaving less to one child because of XX reason. The (adult) child just felt it showed she was loved less. The relationship of the siblings and how they feel equally loved after I'm gone is of more importance than what one sibling might get elsewhere.

You are right and he should be having a conversation about his daughter's inheritance with her mother if it bothers him that much.

Have either of you actually spoken to a solicitor about your wills?

Aren't you leaving a life interest in the property to each other and then on 2nd death, all beneficiaries inherit?

Owning the house as tenants in common in equal shares or unequal given your larger deposit or as joint tenants?

What you have suggested seems fair. Your DSD has 3 potential inheritances and your children only have 2.

Agree with others make a will and then just change it without him knowing.

We were waiting for the purchase to complete and then going to our broker to sort wills.
It’s all new to me so I don’t understand much of it, so any advice etc would be good

If I loved the man, I would adopt the child and if the father dies before me, would make a will honoring all offspring

Well I can’t just adopt someone’s else child lol

You need to consider it as part of the purchase as to how the ownership will be set up. So your wills can reflect how you want to be left for inheritance.

In your situation and how you feel about the will split if I was him I would be proposing tenants in common based on % ownership.

The argument about your DSD mother v your kids is irrelevant. Your children aren't a part of her family unit. She is a part of yours.

And he has the same considerations for all of them.

And then you need to consider how you wish to leave it on death of one of you.

£420k split 4 ways is £105k each, or in your way you want your children to receive £120k and her £52.5k.
That seems quite heartless to want to do that to a child whose father you chose to have children with when she already existed

But combined with your will and his will they all won’t have the same amount. If he doesn’t want to leave her more from his share then he needs to accept that you won’t be leaving her any

Yes it probably does. But at the same time he made that decision when he had children with two different women. Why should a man who produced his children not provide for them all equally off his own back ? I love dsd but not in the way I love my own kids. It’s totally different. Remember my children won’t inherit off anybody else, because I also won’t, so it’s not like they’ll have anything else coming their way off grandparents. Where as dh will inherit from his dad too.

Do you even have a “share” to leave? If you own your house as joint tenants you don’t.

So how will this work in practicality?

If he dies first, his half of the house is split 4 ways (so he’s leaving the same amount to each child) - will you need to sell the house or can you afford to give them all the value? Vice versa if he dies first, can he afford to distribute in accordance with the will without selling?

It’s probably worth you both leaving your half in a whole life interest trust to the other, then to be distributed to the other beneficiaries on your/his death. So he leaves his half to his 4 children but with you having a whole life interest/you leave your half to your 3 children with him having a whole life interest.

Eventually when you are both no longer around, the house will be split accordingly. His child will have less, but not less from him.

You’ll have to own as tenants in common to have distinct shares in the home. If you own as joint tenants the house will just automatically pass to the other upon death.

The step daughter could in theory inherit from dad, step mum, mum and step dad(?) . That's not fair on bio children at all in my opinion