Dh not happy with my suggestion for wills

[amibeingharshhere]

He has a teen dd from a previous relationships, I’ve been in her life since she was 4, rocky relationship due to confusion with both her parents at loggerheads, but we do have a nice relationship now.

Myself and dh have 3 children together.
We’re in the process of buying a house and I brought up wills, suggesting that my half of the house splits 3 ways between our kids and that his half should be split 4 ways. He thinks I should be splitting my half 4 ways too, to account for the fact dsd will be getting less than her siblings. I’m using 200k inheritance off my dad as a deposit on the new house and dh will pay the mortgage as we run a business together that I’m a shareholder in.
AIBU? Should I be splitting mine 4 ways too? It’s just the way I see it is dsd will also be inheriting off her mom therefore inheriting x3 where as mine will be inheriting of just us two.

I don't know what more anyone can say to persuade you to get proper legal advice. Trust is all very well, but it won't ensure a legally correct and watertight inheritance plan.
No, there is no such thing as a will that can't be changed/invalidated/replaced.
However, you seem to be determined to do what you want, so...

One inheritance doesn’t cancel our another surely? Someone can inherit money from more than one person. I’ve never understood that way of thinking “oh she’ll be ok because her mum will leave her money” Seems spiteful.

There is no guarantee the eldest DC will inherit anything from her mother. What if the mother refuses to get legal advice and makes a complete mess of it?

He might not… but if he remarries and then dies first, the house will be left to his “new” wife. Who might choose to leave your children sweet nothing.

I think it's really wrong approach.

As a bare min I'd ringfence your inheritance for your kids only. Then whatever you bring financially can be shared in the way you want.

But I very much doubt that your Dad would be happy for 25% of his inheritance to go to your DSD. And your own kids will remember that nobody prioritised them.

It's not spiteful to consider a SC's other inheritance. It's sensible.
My situation (with some details changed for privacy!)

Let's say me and DH's house is worth 600k. 1 DC together and he has 2 with exW. ExW house also worth 600k.

If we split our house 3 ways, 200k per DC.
2 SC then also receive 300k each from their mother.
My DC inherits 200, their 1/2 siblings inherit 500k. (Also to add, semi relevant) the father largely paid for exW house and I was the higher earner.

That's why ours is split 66% (400) to my one DC and 16% (100) to the 2 SDC.

Of course we never know what values of either our home or exW's home will be left after downsizing, spending, care home fees etc. but I am not ignoring that my SDC have another parent to inherit from.

The OP has been strongly advised to seek legal advice. To become tenants in common. To prioritise her kids over a potential new wife scenario. She’s choosing to jeopardise her kids financial future in order to be “nice” to her husband.
why do women keep making bad financial decisions over and over and never learn to manage money? Threads like this are so frustrating.

Imagine the scenario where you suddenly die next year. As joint tenants, the house will automatically become the property of your husband. He could remarry, his new wife divorce him and get half the equity of the house. Meanwhile, your DC get nothing.
TIC is the way to go and is simple to do. As you have paid for half the house outright and the rest is a mortgage, I would suggest you split the TIC with you owning 75% and him 25%. Of your 75%, 50% reflects the actual cash you put into the house and the other 25% plus his 25% represents any ongoing equity as the mortgage is paid. However, for it to be equitable, you should both pay half the mortgage.
www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common

Some misconceptions here in this post.
1 - a will can be changed at any time.
2 - children cannot become joint tenants.
3 - regarding care home fees, whether the house is owned as TIC or as Joint Tenants, and one owner requires a care home, as long as the other partner is living in the same property it is disregarded in the financial assessment.

This does sound reasonable. But there is no way he’d agree for me owning 75% and him 24%. He would see it that we’re married, what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine. Which we do for the most part.

Also if the mortgage comes out of a joint account does that class as me also paying the mortgage ?

Not sure how this works in practise though. Please work through it with a lawyer. If he dies first, doesn’t his share go to you? How would you then honour his wish to have his DC inherit 1/4? Or, do have to move at that point as his share goes to the DC and they might want to sell so they have money to buy own houses?

And if you die first does it go to him, so how do you prevent him giving 1/4 of the whole amount to each child? Or even changing the will and leaving the full amount to her?

@amibeingharshhere we did TIC, I paid 75% of the deposit, him 25%. He paid 75% of the mortgage, I paid 25% (all contributions and bills paid into joint account - all direct debits out of joint account and that way we both would end up owning 50:50). We had a Trust Deed explaining the liabilities/who owed what if we needed to split/sell and so on before mortgage ended: We also opted for a 20 yr term to get it done sooner and in the end we paid off the balance 18 years in (he had to pay 75% and me, 25%). At that point owned 50:50 with no mortgage.

I have three stepchildren and one son. Our estate is left equally to all four of them. I’ve been in their lives for 27 years and they’re all my family. I can’t imagine treating them differently - and if I did my son would vary the will as he sees them as his siblings.

I have three stepchildren and one son. Our estate is left equally to all four of them. I’ve been in their lives for 27 years and they’re all my family. I can’t imagine treating them differently - and if I did my son would vary the will as he sees them as his siblings.

No I think you need to have a solicitor create a document saying it is your portion, your asset from an inheritance...there is no presumption of 50/50 split. A standard thing to have your contribution protected. Then any asset appreciation shared 🍀

Is your son from a different relationship? If so will he get inheritance from his other parent and will the 3 stepchildren get an inheritance from their other parent? If he’s not from a different relationship will he be getting from you two whilst the siblings get from you two plus at least one other parent?

Yes. Sorry

About the will I meant once someone dies it's set unless there's something wrong with it or there's a deed of variation - I didn't mean that it's once and done (can you imagine!)

Ref the children. I think I was so keen to get over the importance of being tennant's in common rather than joint tenants it slipped my mind eek!

Ref the house split in case of care - what I was trying to say (and failed!) is that it's so much easier to navigate if there's a definitive split in assets/finances at that point , so TIC, joint bank accounts for joint expenses, but separate savings etc. it's then cut and dried. The scenario is less stressful I think (certainly in my parents case).

From googling it seems tenants in common isn’t usual for spouses ?

I agree. Seems harsh to me.

Split equally between all the children

Different relationship. He’ll get more than his step siblings anyway, their mum won’t be leaving much.

You need to buy as tenants in common, 50% each, with something written in that your £200k is protected. If you buy as joint tenants everything goes to husband, regardless of will.

His daughter has a whole other maternal family to see her right. Absolutely stick to your guns OP.

Is there anyway I can protect a deposit without dh knowing ? It’ll cause massive shit