Dh not happy with my suggestion for wills

[amibeingharshhere]

He has a teen dd from a previous relationships, I’ve been in her life since she was 4, rocky relationship due to confusion with both her parents at loggerheads, but we do have a nice relationship now.

Myself and dh have 3 children together.
We’re in the process of buying a house and I brought up wills, suggesting that my half of the house splits 3 ways between our kids and that his half should be split 4 ways. He thinks I should be splitting my half 4 ways too, to account for the fact dsd will be getting less than her siblings. I’m using 200k inheritance off my dad as a deposit on the new house and dh will pay the mortgage as we run a business together that I’m a shareholder in.
AIBU? Should I be splitting mine 4 ways too? It’s just the way I see it is dsd will also be inheriting off her mom therefore inheriting x3 where as mine will be inheriting of just us two.

I am.in exactly the same position (though all kids are older).

I decided to treat DSS as one of my now children in terms of a will. For me it's more important that he and his half siblings have the best relationship possible. They all love each other and it almost definitely would cause hurt if they were treated differently after my death. Especially if dh died first as I would inherit it all and the dss would get nothing.

My dad inherited less off his step mum and it hurt him so much. Not the money but the feeling of being treated different. One of his step siblings gave him part of their inheritance (the other didnt) and it all caused upset and division during a difficult time. Now they are all in their 80s and probably rely on each other more than anyone else and the division between them is still slightly showing.

When I die I don't want there to be bitterness and upset between the kids. I want them to support each other and this sort of thing can damage it.

I get that you don't love her the same way, but it could be harming your kids by creating divides.

My dss is nearly 30 and such a fantastic big brother, I cant imagine leaving him out.

You need to see a solicitor about your wills. I’m in a similar position, although the two elder children are mine from a first marriage and my DH and I have 2 together. The older 2 have had large sums from their bio dad for house deposits etc and will inherit from him eventually as he has several properties, no other DC. My DH has stipulated that his half of our estate goes to our two Dc, whereas mine is divided 4 ways between my 4 DC. We’ve talked about it with all the DC and they are more than happy with this and understand the situation. ( all my DC are now adults and have their own properties).

I would draw him a picture, literally. Show the kids, you and DH, DH’s ex and anyone else likely to leave inheritances to all of them. If you predecease him, he becomes the owner of your half unless you own as tenants in common and vice versa. You really need proper advice.

After sleeping on it I’m going to suggest to dh we do joint tenants. So whoever goes last will split the house x4 ways. Meaning they all get an equal share. Is this correct or have I missed something ?
what's this lifetime interest all about ?

they can easily get around this by having the will written in such a way that the house is sold in the estate and the proceeds and then shared. I’m not sure if those words are exactly right but we have just been through this process with my PIL’s house and my DSIL inheriting with my DH and she was a first time buyer

Go and see an estate planner. It will be money well spent. You need to talk about your own inheritance, mortgage, how you own your property, as well as your wills. Also pensions, life insurance and IHT. These things can cause so many problems if people don't get proper advice.

Honestly? You have missed so much it is really worrying.
Go and get some proper legal advice from a solicitor who is also an estate planner. Go together with your husband so that you both hear and understand. You are already in disagreement. Wills and inheritance can cause so much upset and resentment if not done properly.

You should opt for tenants in common, with your half going into trust for your bio DC, and a life interest for DH. That way, if you die first, he can remain living in the house until he dies. Upon his death, your half will go to your DC, his half will be split between the 4 DC. It will also protect your half if you die first and he should need to go into care during the remainder of his life. Your portion could not be used to pay for his care. Likewise, if he remarries, the new spouse couldn't get their hands on your share.

I'd also consider ring fencing that deposit. If you should split up a few years down the line he'll get half the equity but won't have paid nearly as much into the house as you. What's this about the mortgage payments coming from a joint account? Do you pay into that equally? If so, you are in effect paying 50% of the mortgage. Really, he should be paying that from separate funds. I think you should urgently get some advice before proceeding any further OP because you, and subsequently your Dc, could be losing out here.

Yes. Then if the surviving spouse remarries (as men often do), his will becomes invalid and if he doesn't make a new one then dies, the new wife gets everything and his children get nothing. I have seen so many sad stories play out just because people didn't get proper legal advice. Nobody has mentioned power of attorny as far as I can see. That is another very important issue.

Yes you are correct otherwise she inherits from more people than your biological children. So it wouldn't be fair to your children.

Excellent post.

I'm a step child, and the thing I notice in all this is that the discussion is totally rational from an adult viewpoint.

But a child viewpoint (even if you're now a grown up) is different. What I mean is, when my mother remarried, I was told I was in a family. I disliked my stepfather, we argued a LOT and I'm now late 40s. And it came as a huge emotional blow to learn he refuses to leave me any money.

It's really weird- I dislike him, I'm well off, I understand noone is owed money, all the rational arguments. But inside there's a little child distraught that what I'd been told wasn't true, even though I rationally had rejected him as a family member in my head years ago. My gut still believed it on some level.

So what I'm wondering is whether your DSD will experience it as a rejection, and how that might affect her relationship with her step sisters. Inheritance is weirdly emotional, not just rational.

God no
Tenants in common all the way. Or else :-
Scenario - you die first. He gets the house Husband remarries. Dies .New wife gets the lot.

Life time interest is where which ever spouse remains alive, owning 50% of the house, can remain in situ without house having to be sold to settle the estate. There can be clauses to allow for downsizing, remarriage etc to provide some flexibility. But basically remaining spouse has use of the asset until death.

Doesn’t tenants in common mean we both own a certain percentage ? It’s my inheritance being used as the deposit so wouldn’t I own more ? I don’t think dh would agree to something like that

I do know though he’d never fuck his kids over like that.

Your step child inheriting from their mother is a complete red Jerry. It's not guaranteed and shouldn't factor in.
By being unequal with the children you are saying, with your last act on earth that they didn't matter as much. And you're likely to cause lasting issues between the siblings.

Would it really be so bad to just be equal ? Seriously. It's straightforward and will help bind the siblings rather than cause a rift.

Also, how do you think that child would feel knowing that her FATHER chose to leave less to her in favour of his other children?
This is seriously shitty.

Why should it matter if that child will possibly inherit from her mother? Won't your children inherit from their father? It's not about being fair at all.

If you're worried about your (OP's) inheritance going to biological grandchildren, then take the hit now. Put a portion of that money aside for your children, and then it's sorted.

Not deliberately. But making a complete hash of of wills/ property etc due to ignorance of the law often has the same outcome.

If recent commenters have read my latest update (which it seems they haven’t) I have since suggested we do joint tenants and the house gets split x4 ways, rather than having a half portion each and then splitting it.
This is me making my husband happy.

Dsd means alot to me, but not the same as my own kids, at first the way I saw it was why should my bio kids have less inheritance because dh decided to have children with two women ? That’s not my issue and it certainly isn’t my place to top up what he can leave to his dd.
Are posters seriously suggesting aibu and that Dsd should get more off me than my own actual children ? Where is her dad’s responsibility in all this ?
That just shows how bonkers Mumsnet is when it comes to stepkids and treating them better than your own.

Dsd will inherit from mum, aslong as nothing major changes, and she will also inherit from her wealthy grandparents. So I have zero guilt about my original suggestion, I was putting my children first from money that has come from their grandad.
As it stands I have changed my mind because I do love dsd, because she is my husband child. So she will get an equal share, plus her inheritance from her mums side. So my children in the long run will get less in comparison but that’s just life isn’t it, dsd does have two families, her siblings don’t, dh has wealthy parents. I don’t and that’s just how it is. The money I received off my dad is all I’ll ever get inheritance wise so I was just trying to do what’s right by my kids.

If you die, husband marries again and then dies first there is a good chance your kids will get nothing.

You are being naive. It's on here all the time. New wife, children forgotten about.

Maybe I am, but I do trust him.
Is there such a thing as a will that can’t be changed ?

A solicitor can sort you out a binding legal contract stating you put deposit in to ringfenced that amount of you do tenants in common then upon your death your deposit plus your share of equity in rest of house goes to your DC (if you give DH lifetime interest in house) upon his death. This means he would benefit from being able to remain in the house if you die until he dies and your DC would get your deposit plus a half which is your share of equity between the 3 of them. Your DH must do his own will. Nothing to stop him from settling up a life insurance policy for his other DD from his own money.

Wills can't be changed (generally) but if you are joint tenants with your husband the house will go to your husband whatever the will says. The joint tenants overrides the will.

You and the children/husband can be joint tentants but it's unlikely that mortgage company will like that scenario. And it won't be an inheritance - you would be gifting a share of the house to the children. Plus it means that one (or more!) of your children could ask for their percentage of the money out at any time - how would that be funded? And they would be classed as home owners so would miss out on any first time owner incentives.

With tenants in common it also means that the house as an asset is apportioned per percentage owned when it comes to care costs etc.

This