Dh not happy with my suggestion for wills

[amibeingharshhere]

He has a teen dd from a previous relationships, I’ve been in her life since she was 4, rocky relationship due to confusion with both her parents at loggerheads, but we do have a nice relationship now.

Myself and dh have 3 children together.
We’re in the process of buying a house and I brought up wills, suggesting that my half of the house splits 3 ways between our kids and that his half should be split 4 ways. He thinks I should be splitting my half 4 ways too, to account for the fact dsd will be getting less than her siblings. I’m using 200k inheritance off my dad as a deposit on the new house and dh will pay the mortgage as we run a business together that I’m a shareholder in.
AIBU? Should I be splitting mine 4 ways too? It’s just the way I see it is dsd will also be inheriting off her mom therefore inheriting x3 where as mine will be inheriting of just us two.

@amibeingharshhere your reasoning for splitting it 3 ways among your kids is valid and makes sense but I also think the 30/30/30/10 is also a good alternative depending on the relationship you have with your DSD.

If you have a good relationship with her and have been in her life since 4 years old then it's a nice gesture and your kids only lose 3% each.

You are right that she may inherit from her mother but from my perspective the 10% is based on your relationship with her, depending on the type of relationship you have with her.

But as I said you're perfectly reasonable to decide to split your half only among your 3 children.

I’m simply pointing out that this is a situation entirely of his own making, so expecting OP to leave less to her own children to assuage his guilt about his daughter’s reduced inheritance is somewhat unreasonable.

It's none of his business and he's acting extremely entitled and unreasonable. You have 3 children so you're splitting your half between your 3 children, and that's that. Him feeling bad about his daughter not getting as much is not your problem either - she's getting half as much because only one of her parents will be one of the owners of the house. I would 100% do the same.

Do what your want with your Will OP

Ours is set up the exact way you suggest OP.

My SDC will / should inherit from their mother too. She won't be leaving anything to my DC with DH so my DC would be worse off with your DH's suggestion and given I too brought all the equity to our home, I wasn't having that.

Having said this, our wills are not watertight, there is nothing stopping the survivor after the first death changing their will. This is intentional, we want the survivor to be able to sell up and spend as much as they need IF they want to. The DC will get what is left, whatever that may be. (Likely a lot but I don't want to tie it up).

Totally agree that this is the fairest way to do it based on the number of biological children of each parent. DH is absolutely being unreasonable here to want to employ any other approach than this. The fact OPs SC/DH DD1 will get less does not make this an unfair execution.

I have 2 dc, 1 of whom is DHs. Our wills both give each DC an equal share of our estates. I provided the deposit for our house 30+ years ago and was the higher earner throughout my working life by about double DHs income. The suggestion to split equally was his. My eldest DD has a DF (my 1st husband) and she is set to inherit half of his estate when he dies along with her half brother. My DD2 won’t have this, but we have helped her out more with a house deposit and other monies over the years as DD1s DF was able to help her with her house deposit etc.
In all honesty, both DDs have most likely ended up with fairly equal financial support from all parents.

Definitely do this as if you divorce your lose half of your inheritance.

Your reasoning is sound and it's perfectly fair to split your half between your 3 DC. You could leave DSD a token amount to recognise her. Your DH needs to split between 4 to reflect he has 4 DC. You are providing £200k deposit so you need to ringfenced that in case you ever divorce. No one thinks it will happen to them but about 50 percent of marriages in UK end in divorce and that increases with second marriages with blended families. Your DSD has own mother to inherit from. Set it out to your DH again and ask him to think it through. Then you do your will as you need to.

Nothing unfair about your wishes.

Ours is arranged same way with our 2 DC inheriting my half and DH’s half split between his 4 DC.

Your DSD is already bee fitting from your £200k inheritance and getting her share of her dad’s half of that.

How you wish to do it seems fair, and quite a normal thing to do. The only thing I would say is that I wouldn't base it on the fact that his child will also inherit from their mother. As is often pointed out on here, no inheritance is ever guaranteed, and probably shouldn't really be taken into account when planning what to do with your estate.

If you are close to your step child, which I assume you are if you have been in their life since they were young, but don't want to treat them equally with your biological children, then I would at least think of them in your will, perhaps with a monetary gift, or a sentimental keepsake.

Yanbu. He has 4 kids, you have 3. That’s his issue, not yours.

I don't know how big your house is, but unless it's tiny, this isn't some token gesture to make everyone feel "equal".

I have 1 DD, she will inherit 2/3 of everything we have. SD will inherit 1/3, because she is also going to inherit from her Mum.

It does not make any sense for SD to get double what DD gets. This is money that will shape their older years and make a big difference and DD is not less deserving than SD.

I don’t think I’d be okay with conceptually you not paying the mortgage if it comes from money that would have been otherwise paid to you because you’re also a shareholder co running the business.

And what happens to the shares on death? Do you own 50:50?

This is all relevant context, but on the face of it - no you can leave your assets to whoever you like.

Not enough information to answer.

Are you going to own the house as tenants in common or as joint tenants? What happens if one of you pre-deceases the other?

On the basis that dsd is inheriting from her mum I think your will choice is fine

If her mum was deceased and left her no inheritance I’d think differently.

if he wants to split his share … with more towards hi eldest he should….

in all honesty he should ring fence something separate for her.. that you can take if he dies first.

It is his business because he will be paying 100% of the mortgage, which depending on the value of the house doesn't mean the OP should be entitled to 50% of the property.

If they are buying a property worth 1m for example with the OP paying a contribution of 200K & her husband 800k then he is actually reducing what he can leave to his 4 children to make up what the OP leaves to her 3.

Then the OP is a shareholder in the business, but how much? And what is the income draw via that?

It isnt as simple as the OP to see whats "fair".

We are a blended family with fully combined assests and brought a child each into the marriage and had more. So they are all being treated equally and we have a number of insurance policies and the house that is considered.

@amibeingharshhere you need to sit down and assess your full assests together and separately and speak to a solicitor to establish what options are available to you both in terms of ownership and assest devision.

I agree with you but would you not be leaving the house to each other?

I don’t think he should get to decide in how you divide your money. Certainly you should consider him and dsd but this is your choice.

Equally though you can’t dictate how he divides his half. He could divide his half to even it out if he wanted. You split yours 3 ways so 33.33% to your biological children. He then leaves Dsd 50% and 16.666% to his other 3. It works out that all kids get 25% of the total.

I absolutely haven't. I am not risking my dh being able to then leave my biggest assest to just our kids & my SC and not my dd. Or worse get remarried and it ends up going to his new wife and none of the kids.

I dont think he would but I will be dead so who knows. We have life time mirror interest and then 50% split amongst the kids in trust to be divided on the death of the other spouse. In theory the other spouse 50% will also then be divided amongst them.

House is 420k, for context. I am reading all the comments btw. I sold my home for 215k and that’s what is going on the deposit and some fees

So we’ve spoken about it since this thread. Well debated shall we say lol dh has agreed it wouldn’t be fair for dsd to inherit from me too, but he has said he feels bad leaving one of his kids substantially less than the others. Which I do understand, he said it’s not dsds fault she came from a broken relationship, which is true, it’s kinda his fault along with his ex. And I did say that! He said what she inherits from her mum has nothing to do with what he should leave her, so he’s decided to put savings away from his own earnings (not ours) so he can match the same amount our kids would get from the house.
I pointed out that our kids will be getting less than one of his kids by doing this, which is what he was making a point about in the first place, but again he said dsd has two families and he shouldn’t provide less for her just because she will inherit from her mum.

No wealthier than us, same sort of situation, main asset is her home like most people. She does have pretty well off parents though