Moved to Aus from the Uk

[mummaAusUk]

Hi,
I'm posting in here as I don't have anyone I can't talk to who won't judge. I moved to Aus from the UK with my partner of 10 years and 2 children. We've been here a year now and I've really struggled since we arrived. I've made friends and really tried but I just feel like this isn't for me and I made a big mistake. I miss my family so much and I miss being able to share my little ones with family.

I've tried explaining this to my partner and told him how unhappy I am but he just keeps telling me how much he loves his job and that I need to give it longer. I've explained that I know I want to go home and no amount of time is going to change that. One of my children also wants to go home and isn't loving life here. My partner as said he resents me for trying to ruin his dreams and that I should head home with the kids and he will visit. That really hit hard and I don't understand how he can say that. We're such a close family. im struggling so much. I feel so alone and upset.

Where are you? Why such a mystery?

👏👏😂
The OP has been asked many times and for some reason ignores the question🙄

It's still warm in most Australian cities at this time of year

If the main issue is the distance from family in the UK, does it really matter exactly where OP is? If she says she's in Perth, will you tell her she's overreacting, as the flight time from London is "only" about 17 hours, compared with the 21 1/2 hours to Sydney?

No major cities in Australia are warm at this time of year.

Perth and Sydney are about 20C at the moment - that's pretty warm by UK standards...?

and then there's Darwin! 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞
www.bbc.co.uk/weather/2073124

It might get up to there at the warmest part of the day but that's short and the day starts with low temperatures.

Really - a top of 20 isn't a warm day!

Anyway the OP complained about 'I don't like how hot it is all the time'. Not even someone from the UK would find Perth or Sydney or Brisbane too hot in winter surely?

And Darwin is kind of my point- if they've moved to Darwin or far north QLD it's going to be even harder to adjust than one of the major cities.

This. But the OP doesn't want to tell us where she lives. Even vaguely. It might even get her a better understanding/empathy of her predicament.

What difference does it make?

See my post above.

It won’t go above 16 in three major cities today. Canberra was going down to -5 overnight just two weeks ago.

When someone has spent a year in Australia and says things like “it’s hot all the time” or “there’s nothing to do but go to the beach”, they haven’t really bothered to learn anything about the country they’re in. Which is their perogative. But it’s no surprise the OP has had trouble settling in with such a limited world view.

So is this about the weather? I suspect that’s the last thing to worry the OP.

A few posters are very insistent that it gets really cold in parts of Australia in winter. I have no problem believing that but I’m not sure how that’s going to help the OP.

Well, I lived there for a few years and got citizenship. Even in winter, the place I lived was often what I'd consider warm by UK standards. That said, when it did get cold I missed central heating!

No it's not about the weather. Australia is a very large country and it's very different in the major cities (were the majority of the population lives) to the more remote places (where it's more likely to bo hot year around). Many Australians would struggle to adjust moving from say Melbourne to Townsville so of course it would be harder for the OP from the UK to move to those places.

Yes, this. One of my friends has a husband who is a doctor. They were considering going remote for a couple of years on some incentive scheme to get doctors into these places. If OP's DH is doing something like this, it's a whole different ballpark to if they are somewhere like Sydney.

Yes PR

@mummaAusUk I did exactly the same and moved out 9 years ago. Hated every second. I started to feel more adjusted and started enjoying more by year two/three and it was only from changing mindset, compromising, speaking, listening and planning. I mean this very kindly, you've not been there long enough to allow time to really settle. It's a HUGE move in so many ways. I really feel for you. It's hard.

You've three options.

Try to find ways to enjoy life there. Don't project your feelings onto your kids. Plan trips back or for family to visit. Start enjoying the 'now'. Find little ways to make you happy.

Speak to your husband and really let him know you're happy to stay for X amount of time but the aim will be to go back. Come to a compromise if you can. Save as much of the Aussie salaries as possible. Know that life WILL be different back in the UK.

Split up and move back (if husband won't go). Know that Australia has strong legalities about children moving away if one parent does not agree.

We eventually moved back, so I know how hard this gig is. Spent a fortune moving back and forth. Dropped salaries HUGELY. But it's good to be back. Australia is great in so many ways but we prefer the UK. We will have holidays in Australia again though.

Kindly, you need more time.

This exactly.

Agree

Thank you for this. Thank you for understanding me. Every point you made was true. I went home for a month not too long ago and I loved spending time with family with my little ones as my youngest hadn't experienced that before.

I never said I was in a major city. It's no mystery but I didn't see how saying where I am will help. It's not to do with the heat I can just about manage the heat. That's just a tiny part of it But where I am is very hot even in winter.

Pp are pressing you for location as a way to try and suggest stuff to do or to tell you it’s a great place.

It might well be great, but it isn’t for you. Sometimes we only learn what’s important to us when it’s not there, and in your case it is the love for your family and a longing for your children to grow up surrounded by love and care. Why wouldn’t you want that for your children?

I also wonder about longevity, and with climate change advancing some parts of the world will become inhabitable. Scorched desserts. Water resources are going to be an issue. They already are in some places.

Your dh should honour his agreement, this is on him, not you. Let him deal witth it.

Dh has a stark choice to make, but I am seriously wondering what kind of father he is if he knows how unhappy his child is, and seems content to allow this Australian experiment to continue. if it was my dh I would certainly be putting that to him. It’s not okay to prioritise his lifestyle over the well being of you and his dc. I really feel for you op.

thank you for your kind words and understanding. That's right I honestly didn't know how I would feel until I was here. He is a great father but I do get your point and I agree.he should understand just like I understand how he feels.

im really not keeping my location a mystery on purpose I just didn't see how it would help my situation as I do get out and I see friends and we camp and we explore. I'm not hibernating. I do not live a sheltered life. I know there is tons more of exploring I can do here that isn't the problem.

Thank you again for understanding

Your dh has the opportunity now to prove how much he cares for his children and for you. He can always organise lovely holidays to Australia every year if he loves the country.

I imagine he will realise in time you are serious about leaving, I get the impression you are a very kind and giving person, usually bending over backwards for everyone else. I wonder if he hopes you will come around eventually. But it really isn’t fair on uou. It is your life too. It has just as much importance and meaning as his. You deserve to be happy op. I really hope it works out, and quickly. Living with uncertainty is very hard and stressful.