To NOT tell DH about the pregnancy

[Tothink]

Might be causing some uproar by admitting this but I have spent years thinking that any woman who falls pregnant whilst on contraception are either lying about their contraception or using it incorrectly.

…. and here I am, tested about 15 minutes after taking my contraceptive pill (which I NEVER miss) and looked down seconds later to a positive test.

I feel numb to be honest, I have two children (one starting primary school in September and the other has just started nursery). It’s a struggle. DH works A LOT, he works so hard and so 95% of the household stuff/child raising is on me.

Things will change come September obviously, with both children being in school/nursery… but that’s when I am meant to be going back to work.

The mental load of having 2 little ones is just a lot. I wish I had the strength to raise one more. I’d love to have 3 children, I love the idea of an even busier house, I love the idea of another little person to love unconditionally. However, I don’t think I have the physical or mental strength for this.

DH will want to keep it and he won’t take it well at all if I mention a termination. But he gets to get up after 9 hours sleep and leave… imagine getting up and having to look after 3 children on broken sleep (night feeds, nappy changes, winding….). It’s HARD.

Selfishly, I’ve only just started to feel a bit more ‘me’ again, too.

I can’t do it and I think I’m going to have to have a secret termination.

It can have psychological consequences for some women perhaps but certainly not all. Neither will you 'change'. Many women, myself included, carry on as usual post termination and barely give it a second thought. That's because they knew they had made the right decision.

I don’t understand why you think you can’t ask him to help. If he’s been at work for 12 hours, who’s been with the kids for those 12 hours, you? If so, then you’ve just done a 12 hour shift too. I understand that obviously his pay the bills and therefore does have to be slightly more important but also he can help you out a couple of nights during the night and a couple of evenings. You are also working too as well as raising children being your job.

These are wise words

you were on contraceptive as didn’t want another baby at this moment

they are 2&4 so maybe in another 2/3yrs time when both are school you may find easier

equally things like cost and time don’t improve. 3 kids means bigger car usually - harder holidays as need 3 spaces instead of the usual 2

you feel you are ran ragged / how will you cope with a 3rd/baby and still manage to spend enough time with older 2

but if you do decide now or later on then dh has got to help or pay for help and get a mn in for 6w and they will get baby into a routine and should be sleeping huge chunks

not you doing all the nights. Yes he works but he can do a Saturday night as no work Sunday

if you really feel he will pressurise you to keep baby and you also say you prob will have an abortion then why tell him …..

You can ask him for more help with your current two children. My partner is self-employed & worked 7 days a week, 12 hours a day… and he still helped out at home. The unpaid work at home is more than 12 hours everyday.

Every morning he unloads the dishwasher, most nights he cleans the kitchen after dinner and then helps bath the kids. If I do laundry in the afternoon he will load the dryer (empty its water & clean the filter). He likes to cook & once a week, after kids bedtime, he will cook a stew or pasta dish for dinner the next night. We have a robot vacuum & he empties it. All little tasks that add up to lighten my load.

My partner also recently decided to cut back his work hours & cut some clients to have more home time. Not an option for all people & all businesses I know. But this decision came cause he helps at home & saw how much there is to do in there years before the kids go to school.

@Tothink It sounds like you know what you want to do. A friend of mine wanted 2 but no second pregnancy. She adopted and it worked out brilliantly for them. The adopted child was very young but not the baby stage of things.