Entitled neighbours dictating how we live

[HaveTheMostCFNeighbour]

Our neighbours have pretty much always made life hell. We are terraced in the middle and both sides are like clones of each other. When their children were little they would play in our private garden. They would jump over the fence and use our window as a goal for their ball. Unbelievably both sides thought we were unreasonable for wanting them to stop. Their antisocial behaviour didn’t stop there - noisy drunk parties all night, loud DIY morning and night (which has included minor damage to our property), loud music, insults said about us loud enough for us to hear, the noise through the walls all day long was another level, burning rubbish, trampolines and pools put right next to the fence, my washing deliberately hit with muddy balls. This went on until their children were adults and bare in mind it was both sides.

Now their families are older it’s mainly contained to endless drilling and hammering, hot tub parties and their dogs incessantly barking (again, both sides). We have tolerated it all because there has been little choice, and I don’t want to devalue my house by making formal complaints.

Unbelievably one of these neighbours knocked on our door yesterday to tell us that we need to keep our dog quiet. Our dog barely barks compared to theirs! They also said that because when our dog goes into our own private garden it triggers THEIR dog to incessantly bark we are not allowed to let our dog into our own garden. They also want us to not make any noise after 9.30pm! The sheer audacity made me explode and I told them everything they do and have done that we have had to tolerate, the whole lot came out. They made excuses for all of their behaviours, and the take away was they can make noise whenever they like, but we are expected to live how they have told us to. Both sides are in agreement and they’ve said if we break any of these rules they will make formal complaints about us. The slightest noise we make we are hearing loud passive aggressive comments, even though they are also making noise. To put it in perspective their dog incessantly barked for 20 minutes this morning and they did nothing, but when ours let out 3 barks they shouted for us to “shut it up”.

Outside of their homes both sides present themselves well, all have decent jobs, and one side is very friendly with other neighbours in the street.

Its gaslighting on a whole new level because they are very antisocial and deliberate with their behaviour towards us (I’ve heard them talking about what they are doing and laughing about it), so WTAF do we do? We can’t afford to move so that isn’t an option, but right now we feel very bullied. It’s the summer holidays and I’m now terrified about my children or dog making any noise. It’s hell.

I'm assuming you own?

Life is too short move house

Are you sure you can’t afford to move?

I’d be moving, even if it cost me a lot to do so.

Record them. Report them. If they have professional jobs post any legal footage on social media and send it to their managers, CEO.

We do own, but currently can’t afford all of the hidden costs with moving.

@HaveTheMostCFNeighbour they say they'll make formal complaints

who toom?

Have you talked to any of the other neighbours about this?

i'm really curious how the conversation went. They literally said to you that they can make as much noise as they like, but you can't? How did you respond?

Unfortunately be accepting g their bad behaviour all of these years just so you don’t devalue your house by instigating formal complaints, you are now seen as being weak and they are only going to trample over you even more.

It beggars belief to me that you did nothing all these years and are now boxed in by them. But, that’s the path you chose and you are never going to be able to do anything about it and your only option is to move.

Let them make the complaint. That will generate the proof you aren't being unreasonable.

Nothing you can do. They will continue to bully you until you leave. I’d suggest now is a good time to set up a ring doorbell in case things escalate.

can you rent yours out and then rent
Somewhere else?

stand Up for yourselves. Knock on their doors when the music is too loud, tell their dog to be quiet. Tell their kids to stay out of your garden etc etc.

why are you rolling over for unreasonable
people it doesn’t work. Be calm and collected but firm.
so what if they make a complaint?? You can to? It’s not like you’ll go to prison. It’s all idle threat and posturing.

You’ve created a rod for your own back so now you need to stand up and stop being doormats.

Sell and rent somewhere else for a while to live in?

Life’s too short to live like this. Look to move. Start saving for solicitors fees etc now and get the ball rolling.

I’d start keeping a record and evidence of the noise and just submit your own complaint.

If you can’t afford to move right now anyway then it doesn’t really matter that it would devalue the house, that only matters if you’re looking for a buyer which currently you aren’t. Collect your evidence, make your complaint, do not let yourself be bullied in your own home.

It seems very odd that two families would decide to join forces and wage a years long campaign of bullying for no reason.

But if that's the case, and you can't move, there aren't many options. Obviously ignore their 'rules'. What can they actually do? They'll need evidence for noise complaints, which presumably they won't have, unless you're just as bad as them.

And unless they never plan to move, making official complaints is going to affect them just as much as you.

Get yourself a ring camera, make sure it's set up properly and next time they turn up to impose made up rules on you, tell them to fuck off 🤷🏻‍♂️

Ignore them and continue to live your life normally with your dog and your kids using the garden when you want to. If they complain and the council investigates a noise complaint they will find no substance to the complaint if you are not making excessive noise. Putting up with rude and inconsiderate neighbours for decades because you don't want to complain for risk to your house sale is pointless. You have shown them they can push you around and so they will continue to think they can do so.

You have had decades to address this. Op you really should have just moved years ago

Those who claim there's nothing you can do are incorrect; there's plenty you can do, but you have to start standing up for yourself. The official and expected route is to complain to Environmental Health at the council. Some councils are very good and proactive; others are crap. But you have to try this route first anyway. The noise makers will be sent a warning letter. If that doesn't work the council will ask you to use an app to record the noise and write down its effect on you, for 2-3 weeks. It's a pain but again, you have to follow the process as that is how evidence is collected in case the case goes to court.

The threat of legal action often works with these nightmare neighbours. But if it doesn't, or if the council is crap, you go the legal route. Getting legal advice is cheap via this company https://noisedirect.co.uk and their advice is super practical and works (from my own experience). Note: most of the time you do not have to go to court; the right letters to the right people will miraculously solve the problem.

Do not rely on legal advice on this thread because most people don't know the relevant laws--there is more than one and noise nuisance is not restricted to between 11 pm and 7 am, as many on here tend to claim.

There's a real problem with the assumption in this country that you have to move to escape these nightmares. It enables noise makers and antisocial people to continue in their evil ways and passes the problem on to new house buyers. There's also the issue that any potential buyers will witness the neighbour behaviour, which was a real threat for us, so we knew we had to solve the problem and only sell the house after it was fixed.

Get one of those pet sensor things which will emit a low noise which is uncomfortable but not painful for small pets and kids. It'll keep the kids out of your garden, put it on both fences.

Report their house pollution to the council and start saying no to their requests. Just ignore their batshit requests and report them to their employers if you know where they work. Send footage etc, it's the quickest way eather than the police sometimes.

Formal complaint to who? You own the property its not like you can be evicted. You should of moved years ago.

Start recording the conversations so you have proof they are doing it deliberately. Keep a noise record of their antics so you have a record

then if they do report you you can report them

This

We had neighbours like this. Complained about our dogs all the time. They also had a barking dog, parked in spaces not allocated to them. Told their cleaners it was ok to park in front of our garage. Used to block our car in with their bin. We wanted to be in the house 10+ years we made it 2.5 years and moved. It cost money we made a loss but I couldn’t care less we now have lovely neighbours and I can relax in my own house.

As someone else said, fix a Ring doorbell and also record how long their dog barks. I have a neighbour with a small dog that barks a lot when my dog is in my garden which then sets mine off. I was always the one to take my dog back in until I decided we could take it in turns as it wasn’t fair that I had to take mine in every time. It wasn’t discussed but I noticed that my neighbour started to call her dog in when I left mine out barking for a few minutes. So the upshot is that we are reasonable people. I have also blocked the gaps underneath the fence so the dogs can’t stick their noses under and wind each other up and my neighbour has planted some trees. Again, we are both being adults about it so I feel sorry that you have to deal with your ignorant neighbours. I think I would take a loss and try my hardest to move and avoid them in the meantime. Otherwise you will have to try and stand up for yourself.

They didn’t literally say they can make as much noise as they like, they yelled in my face all of the reasons that it’s fine for them to make noise. So their dog barking was argued as it being a good guard dog for incessant barking, but they said my dog was just a nuisance, even though it barks much less than theirs. We were told we weren’t allowed to make noise after 9.30 (general living noise, we got to bed at 10:30/11pm), when I pointed out they had all night parties they screamed “it’s called fun”. They said they can hear my children playing and it’s unacceptable, I said what about their constant DIY day and night (we have never had a day without them hammering or drilling something or the smell of fumes from something) they screamed that it was because they wanted their house to look nice. And it just went on like that. The underlying message was they believe they can make as much noise as they like and only we have to be quiet.

Who toom is my new favourite phrase 🤣