Entitled neighbours dictating how we live

[HaveTheMostCFNeighbour]

Our neighbours have pretty much always made life hell. We are terraced in the middle and both sides are like clones of each other. When their children were little they would play in our private garden. They would jump over the fence and use our window as a goal for their ball. Unbelievably both sides thought we were unreasonable for wanting them to stop. Their antisocial behaviour didn’t stop there - noisy drunk parties all night, loud DIY morning and night (which has included minor damage to our property), loud music, insults said about us loud enough for us to hear, the noise through the walls all day long was another level, burning rubbish, trampolines and pools put right next to the fence, my washing deliberately hit with muddy balls. This went on until their children were adults and bare in mind it was both sides.

Now their families are older it’s mainly contained to endless drilling and hammering, hot tub parties and their dogs incessantly barking (again, both sides). We have tolerated it all because there has been little choice, and I don’t want to devalue my house by making formal complaints.

Unbelievably one of these neighbours knocked on our door yesterday to tell us that we need to keep our dog quiet. Our dog barely barks compared to theirs! They also said that because when our dog goes into our own private garden it triggers THEIR dog to incessantly bark we are not allowed to let our dog into our own garden. They also want us to not make any noise after 9.30pm! The sheer audacity made me explode and I told them everything they do and have done that we have had to tolerate, the whole lot came out. They made excuses for all of their behaviours, and the take away was they can make noise whenever they like, but we are expected to live how they have told us to. Both sides are in agreement and they’ve said if we break any of these rules they will make formal complaints about us. The slightest noise we make we are hearing loud passive aggressive comments, even though they are also making noise. To put it in perspective their dog incessantly barked for 20 minutes this morning and they did nothing, but when ours let out 3 barks they shouted for us to “shut it up”.

Outside of their homes both sides present themselves well, all have decent jobs, and one side is very friendly with other neighbours in the street.

Its gaslighting on a whole new level because they are very antisocial and deliberate with their behaviour towards us (I’ve heard them talking about what they are doing and laughing about it), so WTAF do we do? We can’t afford to move so that isn’t an option, but right now we feel very bullied. It’s the summer holidays and I’m now terrified about my children or dog making any noise. It’s hell.

Where in the uk are you?

They are close friends with the same personality type. I don’t know what triggered it, we were very quiet when we moved in. When we first moved here we both worked full time, had no pets or children and only socialised outside of the house.

Im baffled as to why you have let this go on for so long? And why are you still not doing anything about it after this?

We had a house in London ( just a normal house on average street etc ) then moved 300 + miles away close to Scottish border .I

This allowed us to buy mortgage free a property on a " posh " sort of cul de sac / private road set up type of place .

Everyone thinks they are quite posh as this area is off another road which is known as the best road in the town - area where all the Drs , solicitors , business people live .

Sadly we are definitely not . They have gardeners ( think stripey lawns and scalped to nothing ) and we like to encourage wildlife , lawn kept quite long , scattered wildflowers and trees / shrubs unpruned , messy areas to encourage insects .

We don't have the approval of the neighbours .

I don’t know why we have put up with it either. I suppose because it has been from both sides. How can we complain about them both without looking like the problem? There has even been a little bit of doubt about what’s happening on this thread.

A lot of their worst behaviour is in the past now as their children are grown up. But we are now in this deadlock about the dogs and there is no reasoning with them. Their dog stays outside all day long and ours is now expected to stay inside, and they’ve said they will put in a complaint about our dog if we let it in our own garden. But it’s THEIR dog that incessantly barks when ours appears, ours just reacts to that briefly. But because their dog is outside all day long and only barks when ours appears they are putting the blame on our dog and the neighbours are united.

Just fucking do it. Life is too short.

Hi OP. Just call their bluff and let them put a complaint in. When the noise is monitored, it will transpire that they are the problem. Job done. What other choice do you have? Also, letting your dog play in the garden for hours on end sounds like a good idea, too.

Just put your dog out. When it barks and they shout shut it up, just ignore them. They shout again, shout to tell them to take theirs in. If they shout back and say no. Leave yours out too.
ring the council about their dog barking all day long.
just live normally and every time they argue about it tell them no (or fuck off). They think you're cowed by them and will keep doing it.
You really only have a few options here:
Move
Stand up to them
Report them.
Do exactly as they say and carry on being victimised in your own house.

And the only reason they are trying this with you is because it’s working.

so fuck them

let your dog out, let it bark until its hoarse if you feel like it.

seriously, what are they going to do about it?

stop pandering to these peoples don’t answer the door to them, ignore the PA comments or just LAUGH

they love how they want to, so you live the way you want to.

quite simply, you have now run out of fucks to give.

The devaluing house thing is irrelevant. If you were going to sell you'd have gone it a decade ago. What you do is live your life and tell them to fuck off if they complain about it.

I had neighbours like this op. Their relatives would park across the drive and stay there for hours and they got really arsey if you wanted them to move so you could get on or off your drive.

and then when my dad pulled over their drive to literally hand me a parcel (he didn’t turn his engine off or get out of the car, the chav came out screaming like a fishwife!

The answer is to move. Ignore their demands and do what you like.

First of all, I agree with other posters here - you’ve tolerated this behaviour for years and they see you as weak so it’s now progressed to overt bullying. You need to take control and stand up to them.

Secondly I would tell them you’ll make as much normal everyday life noise as you like because between the hours of 7am and 11pm it’s perfectly legal and they can complain to whoever they like and see how far they get.

Thirdly get a ring or Blink doorbell (I recommend Blink, having had both - much more reliable and easier monitoring), security cameras and lighting and take out a subscription for storage of footage. Then monitor and record noise they’re making and make sure any threats they are making are recorded.

You need to document everything. - dates, times and details of any noise, abuse or bullying incidents. When you have enough evidence complain to the council and to the police. It’s anti social behaviour and tantamount to bullying. Making a complaint won’t necessarily devalue your home - you just have to declare it when selling and if the problem is resolved there shouldn’t be any selling issues. You say you can’t afford to move, so putting up with this shit from neighbours both sides because you’re frightened to make a complaint is bonkers.

And finally, I agree with the poster upthread. Post evidence online on social media and if you know who their employer is, make sure they see it. Your first step should be a call to your local authority to report the behaviour and ask for advice. Local councils have a range of measures available to them to tackle this kind of thing. Do your neighbours also own, or are they council/housing association ? If so they can eventually be evicted if they don’t comply with orders issued against them. There’s also something called a community trigger - when you have reported anti social behaviour multiple times within a six month period without resolution it triggers an automatic case review and any necessary action.

Let them put in a complaint, nobody will do anything, your dog isn’t doing anything wrong and neither are you by letting it out sometimes

Complain first before they do, but obviously only if it's something during unsociable hours.

You could also send notes through the door to forewarn them that you are having a BBQ or children's party/holiday activities etc so they know upfront to expect some noise.

Tell them that they can complain to whoever they like, but you'll treat any further attempts to communicate with you in person as harassment and report them to the police. If they want to complain to you, they can put it in a letter through your letterbox but as far as you're concerned they're harassing you in your own home now, and that's illegal.

Let them put in the complaint OP. It’s bullying tactics and you’re giving in to it. Make it plain to them that they’re welcome to make a complaint because when it’s investigated you have a catalogue of your own complaints about their behaviour to counter it with - which will clarify that they are the problem and not you. If their dog stays in the garden all day long, film it, along with audio for any noise it makes and time stamp it.

Play them at their own game. Tell them you will no longer put up with their bullying behaviour or respond to verbal abuse, and that you will report any further harassment (because that’s what this is) to the police. Tell them that if they have any complaint about any aspect of your behaviour to put it in writing. If they do so, they will inadvertantly add to the evidence of their bullying behaviour. The alternative is being bullied in your own home until either they or you move.

I would have moved years ago.

I'd be swiftly telling them to fuck off. Years spent having to put up with their noise and now they've got the temerity to try and dictate what you do in your own house and garden. Fuck that for a game of soldiers

Yes, now you've found your backbone, you need to grow it further. You've made a good start, but next time they say anything to you, draw yourself up and say how dare they say anything to you after their dreadful behaviour, and if they've got an iota of common sense they'll quickly shut up and get out of your face.

I'm baffled as to why you've put up with this for so long? Why have you not moved before now?

This. Stop being so passive. Ignore their 'rules' and just get on with your life. Not sure who they can complain to. They would need evidence which they wouldn't have. In the meantime get a ring doorbell so YOU have evidence if needed.

Time to buy a dog whistle and annoy their dog
Let them make complaints
Shout back at them
Sprinkler on the hose oops it went over
You need to play them at their own game
Have your DH hammer on their door, play loud music, have a party, reclaim your outside space

You record it. That's how you show it's them not you.

And if they speak to you again - record that.

tell them to go ahead and complain because nobody will care that you're making a normal amount of noise.

Get video cameras back and front.
Talk to your local police unofficially about their behaviour for advice.
Start recording everything by video bell back and front of your house.