Entitled neighbours dictating how we live

[HaveTheMostCFNeighbour]

Our neighbours have pretty much always made life hell. We are terraced in the middle and both sides are like clones of each other. When their children were little they would play in our private garden. They would jump over the fence and use our window as a goal for their ball. Unbelievably both sides thought we were unreasonable for wanting them to stop. Their antisocial behaviour didn’t stop there - noisy drunk parties all night, loud DIY morning and night (which has included minor damage to our property), loud music, insults said about us loud enough for us to hear, the noise through the walls all day long was another level, burning rubbish, trampolines and pools put right next to the fence, my washing deliberately hit with muddy balls. This went on until their children were adults and bare in mind it was both sides.

Now their families are older it’s mainly contained to endless drilling and hammering, hot tub parties and their dogs incessantly barking (again, both sides). We have tolerated it all because there has been little choice, and I don’t want to devalue my house by making formal complaints.

Unbelievably one of these neighbours knocked on our door yesterday to tell us that we need to keep our dog quiet. Our dog barely barks compared to theirs! They also said that because when our dog goes into our own private garden it triggers THEIR dog to incessantly bark we are not allowed to let our dog into our own garden. They also want us to not make any noise after 9.30pm! The sheer audacity made me explode and I told them everything they do and have done that we have had to tolerate, the whole lot came out. They made excuses for all of their behaviours, and the take away was they can make noise whenever they like, but we are expected to live how they have told us to. Both sides are in agreement and they’ve said if we break any of these rules they will make formal complaints about us. The slightest noise we make we are hearing loud passive aggressive comments, even though they are also making noise. To put it in perspective their dog incessantly barked for 20 minutes this morning and they did nothing, but when ours let out 3 barks they shouted for us to “shut it up”.

Outside of their homes both sides present themselves well, all have decent jobs, and one side is very friendly with other neighbours in the street.

Its gaslighting on a whole new level because they are very antisocial and deliberate with their behaviour towards us (I’ve heard them talking about what they are doing and laughing about it), so WTAF do we do? We can’t afford to move so that isn’t an option, but right now we feel very bullied. It’s the summer holidays and I’m now terrified about my children or dog making any noise. It’s hell.

I have appalling neighbours and cannot afford to move. I am a single retired woman and the thought of packing up and starting up all over again exhausts me just thinking about it. I have pursued every avenue, Selective Licensing, Environmental Health, the Anti-Social Behaviour unit and the Police. All these departments and organisations say that there are "significant issues" but they then do bugger all. The most recent event involved them throwing stones at my kitchen window and then hurling a chair into my back yard after I had told them to "shut up" as there were four men outside having a drunken brawl in the afternoon. Police said they would come and take a statement from me and to draw up a timeline of all the incidents. That was almost a month ago and they have never turned up. The council's selective licensing emailed me and said they were taking action against the landlord, that was 2 years ago and nothing has happened. I have given up now, nobody will help me but at least it is all on record if things do escalate and I come to harm.

Front and back Ring cameras, mine are great, the picture quality is fantastic as is the audio, £350 for the set from Amazon.
They can report you all they like.
You'll have irrefutable proof that it's them and not you.
I certainly wouldn't change my lifestyle because of a couple of arsehole neighbours.
Get the cameras, if you can hear their comments, the cameras will pick it up too.

Sounds really stressful but you don't HAVE to engage with them. Grey rock them. Just because they have made a demand doesn't mean you have to do it. Ignore ignore ignore.

Honestly I'd move.

Ring doorbell. Camera on your garden. Carry on as normal. Let them complain. Behave as normal and do not rise to their bullying. Let your doorbell and back garden cameras record it all.

Be polite to any official tgat come knocking on your door.

If they are behaving as you say they will eventually hang themselves.

It’s the only way to deal with these types of people, unless you’re much bigger and harder than they are.

Try asking for

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/anti-social-behaviour-asb-case-review-also-known-as-the-community-trigger

Definitely get a ring camera in your back and front that way absolutely everything is recorded.

Let them complain, call their bluff.

Who on earth is going to take them seriously when they complain that your dog going into your garden is the problem, because it makes their dog bark!?

Oh, and move...

Years ago my friends sister had awful complaining neighbours, they never stopped, houses were detached.
They were considerate but had three children that played in the garden, but just normal noise.

They did a house swap with fridnds of friends, 4 loud boys. They warned them about the cranky neighbours.

They complained with 30 minutes of them arriving. They were given a brisk brisk bums rush, door firmly closed and as the weather was fab they were out morning to night.

When they returned they tried to have conversation but she waved them off.
She never answered the door nor looked at them again. It was ✋️ up, not interested. She was done.

Stop caring OP, start taking action and list all threats, bad behaviour, as advised by others.

Best thing to do is rent the house to the council to house asylum seekers

Retaliate. Start a log of all of their shenanigans, record excessive noise and as pps have said, get a ring doorbell so you have video evidence.
About 20 years ago we had a noise complaint made against us, from an unknown source. They said we let our dog bark constantly day and night. Completely untrue, our dog at the time was very elderly and rarely barked at all! Local council investigated, and cleared us (and our dog) completely.
These people are bullies. You've put up with it for far too long!

put loud music on the radio every time they shout at the dog

let them make a complaint - they may find that noise is acceptable between certain hours and that the council does fuck all - and if the council come round then juts say they shouted a lot and so you turned the radio up to drown out the noisier they say anything to you

say - take up the proper channels with the council

Oh my gosh - this and get the noisiest family you can find.

OP get some recording going in your home and gardens, front and back. Ones that record audio as well as images. eg ring or eufy doorbells or cameras in and out.

IF they complain about barking dogs you'll have recordings of how often their dog barks versus yours, same for any other noises or activities.

I'd also start making a log in a notebook.
Date, and then event and from which house.
Or date, and then interaction, what was said and if it was recorded.

Carry on as you are and don't let them bully you.
If they say they will complain, call their bluff.

In a similar situation I moved hell and earth to move. I rented my house out having got a rent to buy mortgage. This only works if you have a lot of equity though.

I would have rented it out and rented elsewhere at the time because I really was close to the edge with my bastard neighbours.

We also have had the dog barking issue - for hours. You need to find their trigger, action or behaviour that would really piss them off enough for them to start behaving decently. I found my neighbours trigger and things have improved . . .

Get cctv to record everything, get them charged for anti social behaviour.

Even better, that you are planning to have an asylum seeker stay in your house.

I would put up cameras to cover the front and back of your house and lots of sticker that inform 'Recording Is Taking Place'.

You never know, just the proof that everything they say and do is being noted might be enough to make them wind their necks in. If not, you've got proof, should you need it.

Don't engage any further. Don't answer the door, ignore shouts over garden fences. You can no longer see or hear them to all intents. And live your life how you want to - it's your home. We had batshit neighbours for nearly 20 years, and we put the house on the market at one point but then I dug in and said No, this is our home and I'm not being bullied out of it. Thankfully they retired and moved closer to family. Ignoring them was far more effective than solicitor's letters and trying to keep the peace.

FFS don't be sending shit to their employers, they can't do anything and they don't care. Any complaint I received from an employees neighbour would be instantly deleted.

So you have a reasonable conversation yet they scream in your face? And you say these are normal, professional people? Sounds very odd - perhaps two couples all with some sort of personality disorder?

you Can take any costs you want out of your equity - I think you need to do a bit of research into how to finance a house move and you will be surprised.

Move - life is far to short to live beside these maniacs. It is so extreme it is hard to believe.

Come on OP you've allowed this to go on far too long.

Get a ring doorbell or equivalent and use the cloud. Carry on with your life. Let them do some complaining if they want. It'll probably backfire on them anyway but some ring footage would be good.

OP please ignore the advice from posters who tell you to make 'revenge noise'. It completely self-defeats any action you may take with the Council or with your own legal processes. Your complaint against your neighbours would instantly turn into their complaints against you.

I advised OP to make the normal amount of noise she and her family would make if it wasn’t for the bullying neighbours. I agree ‘revenge’ noise would be a mistake but between the hours of 7am and 11pm everyday noise which isn’t excessive is the norm. Her neighbours have dictated she can’t make any noise after 9.30pm. Any complaint OP makes is going to be met with a counter complaint - that’s just who the neighbours are. What counts is who is being unreasonable. And it doesn’t sound like it’s the OP, so if I were her, I would live my life normally and meet any verbal complaints with a polite ‘not tolerating any more of your bullying, if you have a problem put it in writing’. Then gather evidence as per previous advice on the thread.