Entitled neighbours dictating how we live

[HaveTheMostCFNeighbour]

Our neighbours have pretty much always made life hell. We are terraced in the middle and both sides are like clones of each other. When their children were little they would play in our private garden. They would jump over the fence and use our window as a goal for their ball. Unbelievably both sides thought we were unreasonable for wanting them to stop. Their antisocial behaviour didn’t stop there - noisy drunk parties all night, loud DIY morning and night (which has included minor damage to our property), loud music, insults said about us loud enough for us to hear, the noise through the walls all day long was another level, burning rubbish, trampolines and pools put right next to the fence, my washing deliberately hit with muddy balls. This went on until their children were adults and bare in mind it was both sides.

Now their families are older it’s mainly contained to endless drilling and hammering, hot tub parties and their dogs incessantly barking (again, both sides). We have tolerated it all because there has been little choice, and I don’t want to devalue my house by making formal complaints.

Unbelievably one of these neighbours knocked on our door yesterday to tell us that we need to keep our dog quiet. Our dog barely barks compared to theirs! They also said that because when our dog goes into our own private garden it triggers THEIR dog to incessantly bark we are not allowed to let our dog into our own garden. They also want us to not make any noise after 9.30pm! The sheer audacity made me explode and I told them everything they do and have done that we have had to tolerate, the whole lot came out. They made excuses for all of their behaviours, and the take away was they can make noise whenever they like, but we are expected to live how they have told us to. Both sides are in agreement and they’ve said if we break any of these rules they will make formal complaints about us. The slightest noise we make we are hearing loud passive aggressive comments, even though they are also making noise. To put it in perspective their dog incessantly barked for 20 minutes this morning and they did nothing, but when ours let out 3 barks they shouted for us to “shut it up”.

Outside of their homes both sides present themselves well, all have decent jobs, and one side is very friendly with other neighbours in the street.

Its gaslighting on a whole new level because they are very antisocial and deliberate with their behaviour towards us (I’ve heard them talking about what they are doing and laughing about it), so WTAF do we do? We can’t afford to move so that isn’t an option, but right now we feel very bullied. It’s the summer holidays and I’m now terrified about my children or dog making any noise. It’s hell.

Depends on whether they are professionals and bringing the company into disrepute. A lot of companies frown on this sort of thing for obvious reasons.

I was just about to write that you are being bullied when i saw the last but one sentence in your first post. You are right, they feel they have the upper hand and can be as unreasonable as threy want. Probably in the past you have been too compliant and not made a fuss, and that was a green light to them to intimidate you. You did exactly the right thing in confronting them as you did. They have blustered back to you but often standing up to bullies is the best way to get them to stop. They know your views now. Record everything - every incident, every conversation. It might come in handy. I hope they will back down and be more reasonable, fingers crossed!
In te meantime, don't be "terrified" to make normal noise in the summer holidays. If you tiptoe round these people it will encourage them. Can you talk to other neighbours about what a nightmare they are?

Just wondering - are these houses with long gardens and would they need yours to all sell up together to a developer with planning consent or to develop it themselves?

Write down everything. Record it if necessary, and then go about your life as normal. The threatened complaints are very unlikely to materialise but if they do you will be in the right. They are bullies and life is too short to live your life scared. Just ignore them, tell them you don’t give an F, and let the dog out.

Just realised @GreenCandleWax has said everything I did! Completely agree

Start reporting every single time they do something that bothers you.

Start with the barking dog this morning. Next time tape it and forward it to the proper authorities.

@Rosscameasdoody "Any complaint OP makes is going to be met with a counter complaint - that’s just who the neighbours are." Yes--but you have to ensure that this counter complaint doesn't go anywhere, which is where avoiding making 'revenge noise' comes in handy.
And while you are not advising OP to make revenge noise, plenty of posters are. It's absolutely counterproductive.

What has their employers got to do with it?

I too was sandwiched between awful really noisy neighbours although they weren't as friendly with each other as your two. Both sides, like yours made as much noise as they liked day and night but hated anyone else making any.

Let them complain. I know from experience that nothing is done about noise complaints in my city.

If I were you though I'd move. Living between those two awful families broke my health. It's not normal.

Can you give examples of this? I would be surprised if any employer would risk weighing in on a neighbours dispute.

I suppose if either neighbour was a police officer and they started abusing their power then yes that would be an employer issue. However I would be very surprised if an employer would get invilved. OP would look like a bit of a loon with a vindetta.

Don’t meet fire with fire OP, it will just make life more miserable for you.

Honestly, if I was in your shoes I would

a) Be sad and frustrated that my neighbours were such twonts. Life is too short to have it ruined by inconsiderate b-holes.

b) Know that you yourself cannot change this situation for the better, it is irreversibly toxic.

c) Know that everyday you spend there is eroding your mental health and impacting your children

d) Get the f out of there.

You’ve got to extract, for your own well-being and sanity. Any which way you can. Sub let and rent elsewhere if your mortgage allows. Otherwise sell up and get out of there, even if that means downsizing due to the moving costs you mention. Pls OP, it is painful to read, I cannot imagine what it is like to live it everyday :(

I did this with mine. As I have already posted on this thread, my neighbours have done some appalling things, sworn at me, broken into my back yard, wreaked the communal entry gate, used my address to carry out fraud, threatened me, chucked rubbish all over the pavement, dealt drugs, on and on it goes. I have felt almost suicidal at times, the police are meant to be dealing with them, they have done nothing, the council have enough evidence to take the landlord to court, they do nothing, (told me that the council is broke so they can't as much as they should). They are Roma so the council is treading carefully so as not to be accused of discrimination, they refer to them as an "emerging community" who need to be gently educated about what is not acceptable in the UK. The council is going to re-issue them with translated information about noise, bins and mess etc.

What on earth is who toom?

lol

Please don't do this. You will make things 100 times worse. As PP have suggested, if it were me, I'd move. It's one thing having to battle with one set of nasty neighbours, but two, who are joined at the hip is too much. You say you can't afford to move-is that because you don't have enough equity or finance / savings, in general? I have moved twice, when I've been 'asset rich/cash poor' so to speak using the equity in my homes both times to fund the move. It sounds like hell, and on the dog note, I too am surrounded by yapping high pitched barkers. I am a dog lover (have my own two) and have worked in welfare for a large breed charity in the past. Most people have no clue how to stop their dog from barking, nor make any attempt to do so, other than shout at it. There is enough information on line to help regarding this, but for the most part, you have to get up off your arse from the sofa, continually, maybe a few hundred times, to correct the dog. 99.9% of people don't or won't do this. Your own dog sounds to be perfectly reasonable with its barking. Good luck OP.

Another vote for making recordings. Send your dog out record what happens. Every time they have a party or do DIY record it note it date it.

Life’s too short, move ASAP.

In the meantime, find them on LinkedIn (if they’re working professionals like you said), put cams everywhere WITH audio. And send proof of their disgusting bullying behaviour to their employers advising them you are now contacting the police for harassment.

Contact the police for harassment and threatening behaviour. Lay it on thick and play them at their own game.

Buy a rooster 🤣
Buy a drum kit 😅

Why were you bothered about a complaint devaluing your home when you have had, and still have, no intention of ever moving out?

The time to tackle nuisance noise/behavior is when it happens! Using it as a comeback to their argument just sounds petty, because if it was that bad you would have done something about it before now.

Unfortunately you've created this situation by tolerating it for so long, so you either put proper complaints in or bite the bullet and move, I couldn't live like you have been doing, it sounds awful.

You can pay the moving costs from the profit you make from your home?

get a silent dog whistle

I have huge sympathy but honestly if it’s really that bad you would move. Your “hidden costs” list is a bit of a red herring - you can get a van & man and move yourself, get a basic survey not full house survey, do the redecoration/renovation yourself. That’s what I’d do.

Do NOT make a formal complaint if you are planning to move

I get that you don't want to make a complaint as you'd have to disclose this when you sell.

However, I'd suck up the cost of moving - even if it means moving to a smaller house. I couldn't deal with all this I'd rather live in a smaller house than have to put up with this. You've been there for a long time, they're not going to change.

I have a DS who (who has major MH problems including Bi-Polar & Autism) would play his music very loud. We lived in a large house, his bedroom was in the converted attic & I couldn't hear his music when I was 3 floors down in the living room or kitchen. Neighbours would complain. I'd cut the power from his room. He'd come downstairs & shout abuse at me. Neighbours would complain about the shouting. In the end I moved as it wasn't fair to neighbours. I also refused to move his sound system to the new place - it went to his grandparent's house who then lived in a cottage a good 1/2 mile away from the nearest neighbour.

Job done.

Cannot begin to imagine living with this level of bullying and disrespect.
I would rather move and downsize than carry on living like this, it just isn't worth it.

Sounds like harassment to me, can you not report them for that before they start making any formal complaints about you? I also know people have mentioned moving but I was under the impression if there is any sort of dispute between neighbours you have to declare it (I could be totally wrong and happy to stand corrected if so)